Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 18 of 32

Thread: Im so Upset and angry and now confused!

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Hallett Cove- S.A
    Posts
    762

    Default Im so Upset and angry and now confused!

    I was almost 2 weeks late for Af, which sometimes is normal, but I felt different this time. On Sunday I did not feel myself at all, now I know why.

    Rick was home yesterday as he was painting the bathroom, toilet and hallway. Af came yesterday morning, I had some cramping but thought it was cos' af was late (as they generally happens to me), it was reasonable light, then at about 4, Rick begged me to go to the shop so I said yeah just need to go to the toilet first and change my thing, (i love grossing him out it makes me laugh), I went to the toilet and there was this pretty big clot.
    I knew what it was (this is the way it happened last time). I cried a bit in the toilet. Then Rick come banging saying he needs to get into the toilet, I freaked out..........How am I going to tell him? (i'll explain why a bit later), so i got out and went to wash my hands in the kitchen sink and just stood there, i couldnt help myself and tears started streaming down my face, Rick came in and was like if its going to make you upset you dont need to go, I smiled a bit, He kept asking what was wrong, then I think he just knew, I told him why i was going to the toilet and went into the toilet making jokes and came out really upset, he kept trying to get it out of me, but he also just kept hugging me and giving me a kiss on my forhead every time I was in the same room, he would even come seek me out making sure i was ok.
    Then his mate come over and went fishing, he kept asking me to go but i kept saying no i just want to stay here.
    Thats when i got angry at him and over the whole friggin thing, although Ricks mum was here when he left, I still got angry being left alone.
    I went to bed shortly after Rick and his mate got home, was fast asleep when Rick finally made it to bed, and I was extreamly tired to even really focus this morning when he came and said goodbye and went to work.

    I now sit here crying for the fact I have the title 'Mummy' taken away from me yet again, and wondering how do I tell anyone. I know we arnt ttcing for a while, but still we could have managed we wouldve made it work.
    I want to tell Rick but the words dont seem right 'hey babe had another miscarriage yesterday', or 'sorry I killed your child again!'
    Dont quite make it easy to tell him.

    When I first joined BB, Rick always kept asking me who I was writing to when I was posting to someone in the miscarriage thread. So i told him thats what i was doing. Finally the other night he was like, 'why do you keep talking to girls who have had miscarriages? Have you had one?' I said 'yeah, but you know about that' and he said 'So you havnt had one since?' and when i said no, he looked so relieved and happy and then said 'good, cos the next thing that happens in your belly will be our kid, full term and healthy, whenever that happens' so i promised him that he would be the first to know if i have another miscarriage, now i have broken that promise and i still dont know how to tell him, and its making me feel worse, cos i know he wants to know.

    Im so upset yet so angry at the same time, am I not supposed to be a Mummy????????????????????????????????????????????? ?


  2. #2

    Default

    Naomi big hugs to you.

    I'm so sorry you are going through this again.

    If you ever need someone to talk to please feel free to email and please don't feel alone. We can always meet up for a chat and a cuppa.

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Hallett Cove- S.A
    Posts
    762

    Default

    I feel so sick in my stomach, i dont know if i am actually sick or if its just knots over the whole thing.

    Im so angry at him, why couldnt he have just said no mate dont want to go fishing tonight lets just stay here, would have made me feel a little better having him by my side.

    Its my fault anyway, should have told him last night, but i didnt want to upset him with the whole thing until I was atleast capable of telling him without breaking down.

    I just dont know what to do with myself now........................... I go into little staring moods when my head runs 1000 miles per second................... make the pain stop.........someone please make it go away................................

  4. #4

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Hallett Cove- S.A
    Posts
    762

    Default

    Thankyou Michelle you dont know how much that means to me, Im really crying now, thankyou, I know Im not alone but still............ it hurts so bad, i really want to hold my baby but the man up stairs doesnt think that.

  5. #5

    Default

    Naomi i wish i could come and give you a big hug and take your pain away.

    You will one day hold your baby in your arms.

  6. #6

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Hallett Cove- S.A
    Posts
    762

    Default

    I wish you could to Michelle

    I know one day I will hold my baby in my arms, but how many heartbreaks do I have to go through to have that ONE day.

    It didnt hurt this much last time, I cried the night I found out with Rick, then I was a bit sad but didnt cry over it again and managed to get on with it, but now I cant stop crying, I feel real bad, like I've doen soemthing wrong and I just feel plain useless............

  7. #7

    Default

    You have done nothing wrong and you are not useless. Please remember that.

    I wish i was able to say to you that you won't go through this heartbreak again but i can't.

    Will your doctor not do tests to see why this has happened again to you ?
    I know mine told me they would if i have 3 m/c but that is only it they are one after the other. Because i was able to have Alexander they won't look in to my last one and said i can go on to have more m/c's.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Hallett Cove- S.A
    Posts
    762

    Default

    I spoke to my doctor and she said that its normal to have m/c, and because the two I have had are almost 3yrs apart, there is no connection (apparently). if they were closer in time then she said we would have to have a look, but for now its your body rejecting what was probably a unhealthy baby.

    I dont know, my head is not all there at the moment, so i dont know anything.

  9. #9

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Hallett Cove- S.A
    Posts
    762

    Default

    Rick just sent me a msg all it said was I love you babe, It made me cry, He knows something is wrong, but im scared to tell him.
    Oh why does this whole thing have to be so hard?

    This whole thing is just making me not want to wait 2yrs to ttc for #1, I want to try and have one now, I dont know if its because of this but I really want to start ttcing now, well atleast after af goes of course.

    Did anyone else feel like this after they m/c?? Wanting to try right after they found out?

  10. #10
    Melinda Guest

    Default

    Oh Naomi, I am so sorry to hear your news. I really feel for you.

    You sound so distressed. I wish there was something I could do to help you.

    I've had 3 m/c's myself - 2 before Jacob was conceived, and 1 just a few weeks ago. So take my situation as an example of the fact that you CAN have a healthy baby following 2 m/c - I did. I don't think I believed it would happen until he was actually born, but he is here, and healthy and happy.

    You're not useless Naomi, and you've done nothing wrong. This is NOT your fault. I can't emphasise that enough. And just because your little angels aren't physically here with you, doesn't mean you're not a Mummy. You ARE a Mummy. You are a Mummy to 2 very special little angels.

    I really think you should sit down and tell Rick what is going on. Perhaps you could show him this thread (or print it out) so he knows why you didn't tell him straight away. Communication in a relationship, particularly during these hard times is essential, and you need his love and support.

    Thinking of you Naomi........

  11. #11

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Hallett Cove- S.A
    Posts
    762

    Default

    Thankyou Melinda for your kind words.

    I wish it was all a horrible dream and that I might wake up real soon.

    This m/c has really knocked me off my feet this time round.

    I have exahusted myself out today by crying so much and doing to much thinking. I might put my head down for a quick 1/2hr nap or so, just to try and lift my spirits a bit. Im so not myself right now, i need to do something to calm me down and relax me.

    I will talk to Rick tonight, I think that by that stage I will be ok to talk about it.

  12. #12

    Default

    Aww Naomi, I am so sorry you are going through this again. :hugs:

    Please know, it definitley wasn't your fault. There was nothing you could do to prevent this. I wish there was something I could do for you, to take the pain away.

    I would definitley suggest you talk to Rick and let him know what has happened. You may find it will help you with grieving , esp if you grieve together. I know for me it would've been ten times harder to heal if it wasn't for Rob and all the wonderful girls here on BB. Sometmes it does help to talk about things and let it all out. By the sounds of it Rick is a very caring and supportive guy and will be there for you no matter what.

    I totally know how you feel about wanting to TTC again, after a m/c. I know after my 2 m/cs all I wanted to do was TTC again and become pregnant again. i wanted to start to straight away but was told to wait for 2 AFs which I admit was so very hard seeing and hearing of all these people getting BFPs and being pregnant. You will be p againoneday and give eirth to a beautiful healthy little baby, so please do not ever feel it won't happen, because it will.

    Please take time out to grieve. Scream, yell, punch a pillow, do whatever you feel you need to do. Also remember we are all here for you if you ever want to chat.

    Take Care of yourself.

    Thinking of you.

    Love
    Kazz
    xoxoxox

  13. #13
    Melinda Guest

    Default

    I hope having a bit of a nap helped Naomi. Sometimes it helps you feel a bit recharged doesn't it.

    Let us know how the talk with Rick went, ok?

  14. #14

    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    G.Waverley
    Posts
    537

    Default

    Sweety Im so very sorry, you've had this stolen from you again.
    If you can't find the words to tell him then maybe let him read what you've posted.

  15. #15
    TashD Guest

    Default

    Dear Naomi. I am so so sorry to read your posts. I missed them earlier when I replied to you in my own thread. You are amazing to have posted for me when you were also going through a MC and your own pain.

    I know that with my last 2 MC that we tried again straight away. I just couldn't wait. It was too hard.

    I also went to bed this afternoon, hoping it would all go away while I was asleep. But it didn't. Nothing can take away your pain, but time.

    Good luck with Rick. Remember that you are not alone.

    (((HUGS))) Tash

  16. #16

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Hallett Cove- S.A
    Posts
    762

    Default

    I finally told him, about 1/2 hr ago (he's in the shower at moment). I kept being quiet and then looking like i was going to tell him but then didnt, I cried a bit then finally said it, he just said 'i know babe, you didnt have to tell me' and just held me. I cried and to make me laugh he said 'your leeking on my shoulder, i must wipe your leekage off my shoulder' he said you knew that i knew before you told me, i noded but said, i still had to tell you.

    He's been really good about it

    Have to go he is out of shower and we have a soccer game to get to

    So thankyou girls you have been great

    Tash you did the same thing O Thankyou, you are just as amazing

  17. #17
    Melinda Guest

    Default

    That's great Naomi. It sounds like you guys have a great connection.

  18. #18

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    In munchkin land
    Posts
    646

    Default

    oh Naomi I am so sorry I didn't see this earlier,
    I am so sorry for your loss you know I am here for you if you need me, and please remember that in no way is this your fault and you will one day have your little baby in your arms.
    I hope you feel better soon {{HUGE HUGS}} for you I am thinking of you :flower:

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •