Miscarriage/Loss General Discussion #1

**Miss.September** · July 22nd, 2011, 10:02 AM

Tellytubby - Fingers crossed we'll be lucky enough to be bellybuddies together! I wasn't really using BB much when I was pregnant, so I didn't know about the buddies groups, and then when DD was born, she had hip dysplasia and I found it too hard to go into the baby buddies group and see how babies her age were developing when she couldn't. So I sort of missed out on all of that. I joined the baby buddies group after she was brace free and they are a beautiful bunch of people, so I'm looking forward to this time around joining in from the start. I'd love to just tell people that I fell pg after we found out ourselves, but we learned the hard way the first time. Once we told people, and the grapevine took off it was nuts. But when I m/c, the grapevine didn't work and I had people coming up to me a month later, asking me where my belly was. It was so painful for me and embarrassing for them. I sat at my SIL's baby shower (who fell pg before me) and when she was opening her presents, all eyes were on me to see how I was coping. So much pity, it was awful and I swore we wouldn't tell anyone again until we were at 12 weeks.

Audax - I remember my ob talking about the odds and I know they're on my side. I know I can be a little overprotective at times, but luckily nobody gives me grief for it. My family saw what I was going through when we lost the first one, even though I acted pretty tough

and then to go through the hip journey as well, yeah, it wasn't easy. My parents were overseas for the first six months of DD's life and when they returned, my stepdad went through this horrible period of guilt because they came home to see this cute chubby baby with locked-in legs and he realised what DH and I had been going through with very little support. So all that overprotectiveness comes from them too

Freya - The support I've found on here is incredible. I think once all is well and I do fall pg, that the PAML group is probably the place I need t be. More

JennaJayen -

Your pg with DD must have been so nervewracking. I hope you can have another baby

I guess I'm feeling a bit blah about it all at the moment because I'm at the point where we should have shared the news and been enjoying it. We cleaned our our spare room two weekends ago, so it's pretty much empty. All the baby things are in the wardrobe and I know when I do fall pg, at that 12 week mark, everything will be coming out

**tellytubby** · July 22nd, 2011, 03:40 PM

I listen to some of your journeys, and I am just gobsmacked at the heartbreak some have been through. Such strong, resilient women in these threads - it really is inspiring

Pak - Yes I was the same with my DD. I wasn't aware of the bellybuddy threads, I'd come on quite often, and would wonder why there wasn't many posts in the 1st tri/2ndtri/3rdtri threads - thought I must have been one of the few pregnant. How wrong I was! Everyone was just chatting in the belly threads thats all! So with my DS I made the effort to join the group, I know exactly what you mean - wow what a lifesaver those friendships have been. I am such introverted person IRL, so the people who I do see, I couldn't really call real friendships. With my first m/c no one knew, so didn't have to worry about "those" looks - however I found that just as hard, I was mourning the loss of a child, and no one even knew. I was so alone, it was ridiculous. Second m/c, a few people knew. I do regret telling a friend from mothers group however. She is pregnant, due 2 days after my angel. Everytime I see her, she tries to bring up conversation on how I am doing and what not. I don't really know how to act, or what to say. I mean... I can't really tell my heart has been ripped out twice now, i don't understand why this happens to me. I'm awkward around her... So I just lie. Tell her how great I am and act happy to see her. Its so gut wrenching trying to pretend like I don't care about my loss

I'm so glad to hear you're surrounded by great family, your step dad sounds like a gem. Im at the point where I should be announcing it too. My phone beeped at me today to tell me to go to my NT scan. Ahh that sucked a bit. So have you officially started trying yet?

**Miss.September** · July 22nd, 2011, 04:58 PM

More

Tellytubby

My cycles have settled down finally so I guess it means we're back on the bandwagon. DH is so keen, he said he wants to finish our family so we can just enjoy. He loves the age DD is at now. The first 12 months were really hard, he felt a bit useless, didn't know what to do, and I wanted him to help so it was a bit of a disaster really. Plus he was working long hours then. I'm hoping it'll be different this time. So it's time to start counting the days on the calender and figure out when our right time is. We seem to conceive okay, it's the follow on that's the challenge.

Have a nice weekend everyone, hope some nice things come your way

**tellytubby** · July 24th, 2011, 02:49 PM

Pak you're not the only one. I also bawled in the beginning of up, so sad!

**forshelby** · July 24th, 2011, 03:12 PM

Just sneaking in to say-

Telly, I remember the day I was sitting at my computer, feeling lost and all alone, and wishing I didn't have to be. That's when I changed my FB status to reflect my sadness over my mc. I remember thinking I didn't care anymore if people felt awkward or uncomfortable.......... I needed to make it known that I had a baby, and he/she mattered. And that's when we reconnected after how many years of non-contact? That's when I realised I wasn't alone, and that we share the same terrible sadness. From that day on, you've been such a special friend to me, I never thought we'd bond so much given the way we bickered in the good old days. I just want you to know that I second everything you're saying here. It's awful to have to hide your grief. It's awful to have to wear the fake happy face so others feel ok around you. If you want to scream it from the rooftops, I'll be right there holding your megaphone for you. You have 4 beautiful babies, some who just sadly couldn't stay here with us. I have everything crossed for your TTC journey. May it be a quick, sticky, healthy happy BFP for you. My heart still hurts for you every day. I want you to know that no matter how alone you might feel, as long as I'm around you never will be.

And if you need someone to yell at, or punch, I'll be on the next flight home!

**Diamond Girl** · July 24th, 2011, 07:50 PM

Hey girls, I thought I should join you here if its ok.

I just read through the last few pages and Im so sorry to hear about the terrible losses you have all endured.

Telly, your second last post really resonated with me. My close friend is due a week before my second angel was due (in Aug) and its been really, really hard seeing her get bigger while I went on to lose again. Its sad but it has affected our friendship a bit because she doesnt want me to feel hurt by seeing her, which is true because it does, but at the same time it would have been nice to have her stay close during this awful time for me.

**tellytubby** · September 9th, 2011, 04:37 PM

Hello my beautiful friends

Just updating you all, I had my ob appointment yesterday, and I am so so glad I went. I am feeling a lot more confident on things. Turns out they tested my last angel to see if it had passed due to any major diseases or problems, which would result in further losses. Everything came back clear, just one of those unfortunate events. He talked a lot - about losses, hoe really there isn't anything you can do to prevent a miscarriage and not to blame yourself. My thyroid levels are normal (hooray!). We talked about the birth centre and if I would be accepted. Bfn on that one, due to my history with pretty major pph. But I think I'm okay with that. I'm craving for a bfp now! We kinda stopped trying, as I was nervous about the appointment, but am now more ready than ever.
I wasn't too sure if dh was as excited as me, but I just opened up the iPad and saw he's been googling the chinesse pregnancy calendars to see our genre prediction!! Omg that just made my day

. But won't tell him I know, he likes to be the manly man of the house! Haha!

Love to all x

**Miss.September** · September 9th, 2011, 04:53 PM

Telly, that's wonderful news, that everything is clear. And how gorgeous is your DH?! Love that! Got everything crossed for you that your BFP comes soon

Nothing much for me. In the midst of our "break", just living life and enjoying it

**tellytubby** · July 25th, 2011, 09:10 PM

Ahh forshelby... I know how you feel. That is such a beautiful message, gave me the most wonderful warm fuzzy's.

I really appreciate your friendship, and am so glad that we have reconnected and share a special connection, even in such horrible circumstances..

thank you x

Freya, ahh I hate unwanted, snoopy family. I hope you have once again found a safe place in bb. I don't know what I'd do without this community.
Hi diamond how are you going? I've thought about you a bit lately, hoping you're staying strong. I'm so sorry your friendship isn't as it used to be, just as you need a shoulder to cry on too

. August is so close too ..

so tell me, will you be trying again? I'm sure there will be a sticky babe waiting for you gorgeous, I pray your next pregnancy will be the one x

Pak, hope your planning is going well,and the special days are marked on the calendar

remember the pattern. Angel baby, healthy baby, angel baby, HEALTHY baby.

Afm, I started painting again. I stopped painting midway through uni. But these past few weeks I've been wanting to express myself through art once again. I did a basic painting the other day as my brushes weren't the best. But have since bought some good ones, so am hoping to get the creative juices flowing this week. I am focusing on the theme "spring". Inspired by the John butler trio song, spring. Ladies, please. If you haven't already please YouTube this song. It is just beautiful. I know you will all love it, google the lyrics too

Love to all x

**Miss.September** · July 25th, 2011, 10:13 PM

Thanks Tellytubby - I keep telling myself that this one is going to work. Everything is going to be fine. Hope you're finding painting cathartic.

Diamond Girl - I'm sorry for you loss. It's really difficult when you see someone who is at the stage you were supposed to be. I worked at a children's bookstore before DD, and after my first m/c, I went to work three days later. It was horrible. All these beautiful bellies seemed to come into the shop, one after the other. I hope things work out for your friendship

**Diamond Girl** · July 26th, 2011, 08:40 PM

Pac - Thanks for your kind words. Goodluck on your TTC journey. I hope it goes quickly for you and that it results in a gorgeous baby at the end. Im glad you are thinking positively, because you are right - this one is going to stick.

Tellytubby - Thanks. We will TTC again when the time is right. I want to TTC straight away but I have to wait for test results first

. I think its great you've gotten back to art. Ive found my solace in gardening and decorating my home and its really helped me to focus my energy on something else other than this.

Hi everyone else

**LuluHB** · July 26th, 2011, 10:47 PM

Hi ladies. I thought I might join you if that's ok.

I've just had my fourth miscarriage from five cycles trying to conceive #3. My DH is overseas working at the moment so I'm here alone feeling so miserable. I've now had 7 losses at various stages and for various reasons, and I'm just so weary of the whole process. I have two beautiful daughters and I am so grateful for them, and I know I am a lot luckier than so many lovely ladies, but I am so desperate for another baby. I feel as if someone is playing a cruel trick on me - "yep, you can get pregnant at the drop of a hat but it won't stick". We are supposed to be starting with a fertility specialist when my DH gets home but I just don't know I have the strength to keep trying.

I come in and read this thread and it just makes me so sad. So many women with broken hearts. It all just seems so very unfair.

**tellytubby** · July 27th, 2011, 07:51 AM

Diamond, you were getting your bubby tested to see what went wrong, right? Just trying to get my memory sorted. Let us know how the tests results go, k? So glad to hear you will be trying again, I honestly believe your time will gone, you've got two healthy children now, so we know your body can do it.

. Just a matter of when. I like to think of it like, our body's will only accept the very best, absolutely perfect sperm and egg combination, when that will happen - who knows, but it WILL happen. Hang in there... I wish our friendship hadn't begun over such sad circumstances, but at the same time I'm glad we have "met", itms. We can support eachother on this road x ( ps I've been gardening alot lately too)

Hi lulu

. I recognize your user name! I always seem to notice it floating around

. I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time getting a sticky babe, it really does suck. Glad you've decided to join in, having someone to talk to, I've found, really helps. have you been waiting a cycle between attempts? My ob told me it's best to wait a cycle, otherwise the chances of another miscarriage rise. Sorry to hear your hubby is overseas, you must be feeling so lonely

. Do you have any family nearby to rely on?

Pac how have you been going gorgeous?

Freya? Are you still reading? Hope you're feeling okay x

Afm, not much to report on. It has now been 4 weeks since my d&c, still no af. How long did every ones cycle take to return? Or how long until the first period? Having this miscarriage has made me realize how much I want this. I really want to complete our family. I'm so excited... Yet so incredibly nervous. I'm sure you all know the feeling. Love to all x

**tellytubby** · July 27th, 2011, 07:52 AM

Damn auto correct. Diamond that was suppose to read " your time will come" x

**Diamond Girl** · July 27th, 2011, 08:17 AM

Telly - I am just waiting to see my OB and then I'll get the results. Thanks for your support and of course your friendship, it has meant so much to me during this difficult time. My AF has not returned yet either and my cycles are usually 25 days. Im pretty sure I O'd last week though. With my previous D&C I had AF after just 24 days. Im glad you are excited about completing your family and I def know the feeling. Im sure it will be smooth sailing once you get your BFP.

Hi Lulu - Im sorry to hear about your losses. I too am weary from this. Its been 13 months since we started TTC and 3 losses, I cant imagine another. I hope you are ok and I'll be here if you need to talk

**Miss.September** · July 27th, 2011, 09:54 AM

Lulu -

I wish I had words to say something that would take it all away. I'm so sorry for your losses. I feel the same, I can conceive easily, but feel like its a battle to hang on, even though I haven't had many m/c. I hope you can have a sticky baby hun

Tellytubby - After my D&C, AF returned like a normal cycle, but it was once I finished bleeding from the D&C. So 28 days after it all ended, AF arrived, ITMS. We waited for a full cycle before we tried again. I had the D&C at the beginning of April, and we got a BFP in July. I hope it happens quickly for you

Diamond Girl - I hope the test results give you something conclusive so you've got something to work with. I think for me, if I was to have testing done and it was inconclusive, well it'd drive me crazy. Hope everything goes well

Nothing much from me. I feel like my body has returned to normal now. I guess when it happens though, I won't feel pg until I get to 12 weeks. It's too hard. And on top of that, we have a few of our loved ones TTC, but all having difficulties and I feel a bit messed up that we can conceive easily and I feel like that very few will be genuinely happy for us, given that so few know about this recent m/c. But I don't want to announce it like some kind of trophy, "Hey we're having a baby, after we lost one". It's wrong. I know I'm thinking too far ahead, not even pg! But I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place in regards to that. I hope I haven't offended anyone saying that, it's something that's been playing on both DH and my minds lately. Because I know when we get to 12 weeks (and we WILL

), we're going to want to scream it from the rooftops.

**Diamond Girl** · July 28th, 2011, 11:32 AM

Pac - Im glad your body has returned to normal, because now you can put your energy into TTC when you are ready. When you make it to 12 weeks you should scream it from the rooftops. If I ever get that far again I sure will be

AFM - I found yesterday hard for some reason, and was really depressed. Sometimes I really feel the weight of it all and its difficult to cope, but then Im totally fine the next day. I guess its all part of the process. Today is a better day so far.

**LuluHB** · July 28th, 2011, 03:49 PM

Thanks for the lovely welcome ladies.

Tellytubby - I have only needed two D&Cs but both times I was like Pac - bleeding from the procedure which lasted for about 10 days or so from memory, and then a month later AF. I hope you're back to normal soon so you can get back on your journey, as scary as that journey is!

Pac - I agree with DG - you are entitled to sing it from the roof tops when you get to 12 weeks. I understand your reservations though - one of my dearest friends had been trying for years to fall pregnant when I had to tell her that I was pregnant again with a 3 month old. Try and remember that you are entitled to your happiness, even while others have grief. I've learned that we usually don't know just what road each of us has travelled to get to motherhood, and I would hate to think any woman doesn't feel the joy and support from loved ones when pregnant, no matter how many bumps I've had on my own road.

DiamondGirl - I hope your day is continuing to improve, and that you get test results soon that give you some answers.

I'm feeling a little more together today. It is certainly harder to deal with all this on my own. I really wish my DH were here and think it was almost as painful as the miscarriage seeing him on skype so upset and helpless so far away. I guess it also reminded me of just how much I want another little piece of my lovely husband, so once he gets home we'll be trying again.