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Thread: Not Again.......

  1. #37

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    Nadia, I am just letting you know I am thinking of you!

    Tanya


  2. #38

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    Nadia - I`m also wondering how you got on today

  3. #39
    Tigergirl1980 Guest

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    Yes how'd you go today??

  4. #40

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    Guys I wrote a massive post and put it in windows and then William turned off the computer. :fuming:


    Basically I had a massive talk with him over an hour it turns out that I've had a FULL miscarriage, which means everything has come away so there's no need for a D&C good news at least.
    But the mass post was telling you guys how much of a pathetic hypocrite I feel, I feel as though I've been pushed into this decision of not wanting another baby coz this is the 2nd miscarriage in 3-4 months and according to my MUM :fuming: my body has had enough.... with the 10 operations for endometriosis and having had cin III, and various lapsroscopies (sp?) etc and all the others hassels having periods that last 50 days and then stop for 2 days then start again, blood loss etc just whole lot a bull$hit, others have been through much worse GOD!

    Anyway I called DH crying telling him all of this and he's said it's our decision and I agreed, mind you in the same breath he states that I know how he feels!!!! (doesn't want anymore)....

    Dr says he won't give me hysterectomy this year until we've ALL had a chance to talk it over, now most if not all of you would be thinking surely it's not her Mum's/Dad's decision it's her's and DH's, yeah at 32 I'd hope it was that way also, so why on earth does it effect me so damn much about what they think, WHY WHY WHY..... :fuming:

    This is why I feel like a hypocritical loser coz I get one encouraging word from the OBGYN and then I'm all back on track for wanting to try again. He says that me losing the 2 babies in a row is Nature's way of telling me that these two babies weren't for me and I've always said it's Nature's way and I did say that it's her way that maybe Im only mean to have 2 and it's my bodies telling me something else, and he said look we both know you can carry babies to 35+ weeks and there's absolutly no reason why you can't do it again.

    I feel I have been forced into excepting a decision I don't want, I have always said I wanted 3 not 2, and now I feel as though I don't have the right to change my mind AGAIN.... though as I said I believe that Im being pushed into it by others, this is why I'm so very confused and hurt,
    do I even make sense....

    I know that the financial hardships will be just that and I can provide better for 2 than with 3 I know this but I can't let this supress the need for another baby... or can I?
    That's what Mum wants me to do, except that I can't have anymore and move on... She's had 6-7 miscarrages and some were well past the 5 mth stage I know 2 were for sure, so surely she understands the need i feel in my heart for another. Look I think I'm just rambaling on now and I just hope Im not judged by anyone, but I do want HONEST opinions about wether or not you think Im pathetic and can't make up my mind to save my life.......... Sorry for the long post

  5. #41
    Tigergirl1980 Guest

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    Nadia, you are in no way pathetic. You are VERY confused right now. I think what you really need to do is to take the time to really think about what you want, not what others are saying that you should want. Take the time to heal from this emotionally too, then make a decision when you are in your right mind. Don't worry about what your mum says, pffffft to her I say. You do what's right for you and your family hun, don't worry about what anyone else thinks or says.

    You are not a hypocrite either, you're a woman, women always change their minds, and it's our god given right to do so, lol. And know whatever decision you do make we are all behind you 100%.

    Lots of love and huge to you, and big wet sloppy kisses from Jonah.

  6. #42
    tiggy Guest

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    Nadia,
    Big hugs to you.
    You are not a hypocrite and you are not selfish. You are a woman who has lost two little babies and all the hopes and dreams that go along with that. My heart goes out to you, it really does because my Mum and Dad were the same after I lost my William and my uterus was ruptured. My Dad was like, "I hope you've learnt your lesson and you won't do anything like that again". Even the doctors were saying it probably wasn't a good idea but I wasn't finished. In my heart of hearts I knew that if I didn't try again I would always ALWAYS feel incomplete.
    This is not something for anyone except you and DH to decide. Listen, nod and smile and then look in your heart and be guided by that.

    I am so sorry you are going through this.

  7. #43

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    Nadia you're NOT pathetic!!! There is no way you should be making a decision - whatever it will be - right now. You need to move slowly and allow yourself to grieve for the bub you have just lost before making decisions about the rest of your life. I understand what you are saying about you mum - ours could be related! Mum was horrified when I told her I was pg with matthew at 6 weeks and I had to deal with the constant negativity the whole pregnancy. With the next pregnancies, I didn't even bother telling her - just waited for her to say something so I didn't have to deal with it. Probobly not the most correct way to do it, but it worked for my sanity. She loves her grandchildren dearly, but I think for her it's the whole pregnancy part that freaks her out.
    Hold strong and take some time going through all the processes your mind and body feel they need to.
    *Hugs*

  8. #44
    kirsty Guest

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    Nadia you are in no way pathetic for what you are feeling.

    I think if your Dr is supportive of the fact that you have a chance of carrying another baby then the decision really comes down to you & your husband & nobody else.

    I'm kind of in a similar situation after having 2 late losses (18w5d & 20w) & while I respect that others have their opinions on whether we should try again or be grateful for the one we have, I think that ultimately the decision comes down to myself & my husband. After all it is us who is affected the most whichever way the outcome goes (we are yet to have our followup appt with the OB since our last loss which will have loads of questions for them in regards to trying again) but I know in my heart if I don't have one more go I will regret it for the rest of my life.

    More importantly don't rush into making a decision now, you need time to sit down & talk about it with your DH & work out what is best for the two of you & nobody else.

    Wishing you every success no matter what choice you make.

    Big hugs to you

  9. #45

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    This is so weird b/c I feel as though I've grieved already, is that bad or what; what kind of a mother am I to have lost her babies only days ago and one before in Dec and feel that I've grieved already?

    I guess I'm not the one to hold onto things, there's nothing I could of done for either of them so I feel that the only thing to do is let go... but that sounds so harsh and non-loving I did love them from the moment the test stick said I was pregnant, I really did, but they're gone and there's nothing I can do, except move on and try to focus on my 2 wonderful kids I have now, and in 6 mths time I'm going to re look at the situation and decide from there.

    I can't thank you all enough for all your support it mean s the world to me.

  10. #46

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    Nadia, I'm so sorry for the loss of your little angel. Truckloads of hugs :hugs:

    Nic

  11. #47
    Tigergirl1980 Guest

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    As I said I don't think you are mean or a horrible mother. Everyone grieves in a different way and some longer than others.

    Enjoy your 2 beautiful kids and I think re assessing things in 6 months is a good idea.

    More big

  12. #48
    kirsty Guest

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    Nadia what you have posted in regards to grieving sounds perfectly normal in so far as grieving goes. It is fine to feel like you have moved on, just don't lock yourself totally into feeling nothing about them as you may find all of a sudden you have a bad day where you do nothing but think of your babies & want to cry about it. It is a perfectly normal thing to do & way to feel.

    I myself have days where I feel totally moved on from speckle's loss (approx 4wks ago) & just when I am feeling back to *normal* something pops up to remind me of what is no longer & I am back to being a total mess.

    All I am saying is don't rule out the possibility that one day you may still cry over your little ones & their loss.

    Just don't be too harsh on yourself is all (& the time out sounds like a great idea)

    Big hugs.

  13. #49

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    So sorry Nadia,
    I kinda feel bad but I try to avoid popping in here too much....
    I am sorry I havent posted earlier as this is the first time I have been in here for a while (too much sadness)..
    I really wish you all the best & enjoy your 2 kids & some time out! Who knows what tomorrow brings...

    Much hugs & happiness to you & yours!

  14. #50

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    Nadia, take care & I agree that 6 months time out is a good idea.
    Time goes so fast anyway.

    As for the grieving, I think I'm the same.
    Sometimes I wonder if it's that it's happened so many times I'm used to it, but then I think it must be my positive outlook also, knowing it was not something I did.

    And I'm sure you're enjoying your kids now also.
    Take care

  15. #51

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    I am so sorry for your loss Nadia, I hope you are feeling a little better, I dont think you are pathetic or incapable of making a decision at all this is a very difficult time and it makes things very hard when the ones we love try to protect us but in turn confuse our thoughts and we end up not knowing what to do, it is hard I know my DH was very confused as his mum has been really adiment that we are not meant to have anymore and my mum is just very concearned about my health but we have decided to wait a year and then start trying again so that my body heals properly and so that I can get a bit healthier,
    I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you feel better soon, I also totaly understand what you mean when you say you have already greived I kinda feel the same way I am still very sad by everything that has happened but I know there was a reason for it I wish that things were different but accept what has happend.
    huge {{HUGS}} to you Nadia

  16. #52

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    I can't believe all the kind messages and thoughts you've put down, I'm truly touched by every single message and I can't thank you enough, you've all made the healing process a lot easier to deal with.

    Thanks again xxxxx

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