Hi everyone,

I feel a little rude posting in here for the first time cos most of you seem to know each other well but I have been reading your posts for a long time tonight and figured it might help me to write out my experience. I was on another baby forum in New Zealand but there was no place for people who have had miscarriages to talk

Two days ago I went for my 12 week scan and was told the baby had no heartbeat and had died at 10 weeks. I couldn't believe it, I thought this can't be happening and everything felt surreal.

I had been so happy to be pregnant for the first time and it was a completely planned pregnancy with my husband of 6 years. I'm 29 and we're both healthy and I never thought *I'd* lose a baby.

I am waiting until Monday to have a d+c and it's horrible waiting. There is a strike on here in New Zealand which is why I have to wait. I still feel totally pregnant and I feel like my head and body are telling me so very different things. I forced myself to go out with my mum this afternoon and I almost fainted in a shop (I've had that a few times during being pregnant) and I felt so awful when someone asked me if I was pregnant when I sat down and the shopkeeper brought me a drink. "Yes," I said. She then asked me (not rudely) when the baby was due. I couldn't lie so told her I had lost the baby but hadn't yet miscarried. She eyes welled up in tears and told me she'd say a prayer for me. Stuff like that hits me hard.

My family and husband are being INCREDIBLY supportive, and so are my friends. I have much to be thankful for. I just feel so sad inside and cry a lot. I also have woken up at 3am the last two nights and can't go back to sleep, I just lie there crying and feeling so empty.

I know I'll have a baby one day and I hope to try again as soon as I feel I'm physcially/mentally ready for it.

Right now, I feel like I'm in limbo and it's so awful. I'm also really afraid of miscarrying naturally before Monday morning.

Reading your messages comforted me in a strange way - I guess knowing I'm not alone in experiencing this grief means a lot. I have no idea how long it'll be before I stop thinking about it all the time or feel like crying all the time either.

Thanks for reading this.