Hi Lynn,

I have seen lots of your posts and you have responded to a few of mine and I am so sorry again about Cooper. I am relieved (yet sorry) to know how you are struggling with the birth of your friends babies as I thought I was being 'weak' and selfish for not desiring to have anything to do with my friends new additions. Around the time Lucia was born (with the cord around her neck) both of my SIL gave birth to live little girls. I was, and still am angry, and am constantly reminded of what my little girl would/should be doing right now. Fortunately for me, both of my sisters are finished with their family reproduction yet, I can't imagine how I would feel if they were to be having a baby around Lucia's birthday....betrayed maybe?

Have you spoken with your sister about how you are feeling? I'm struggling with how I am going to see my best friend's baby (I want to run and hide and never see her again!!!) so, seeing a sister, the pain would be magnified. I hope that when she sees her child and takes them home, she will try to imagine what you have gone through when you lost Cooper and had to leave the hospital without your beautiful boy in your arms. I hope this gives her more empathy. I just don't know how you are going to cope for the rest of your life. I'm hoping that over time, the pain of seeing my nieces (who I find hard to acknowledge) will fade and I will be able to look at them without deep sadness.

I know I haven't helped, but I can understand.

Sarah, I'm sorry also that you lost Gemma. It is such a traumatic thing to go through and then to be left with the wound of a mother's broken heart and deep, deep grief. I could never have imagined that sorrow hurt so much and lasted so long. I still cry every day over Lucia. I miss her so much.

I also disagree with your DF about the reminder of joy. I think it is the opposite, a reminder of your loss. Obvious to you what you don't have, and that is your precious little girl, when other's have their babies. I think my friend who is going to have her baby soon, thought that it would be a 'healing' thing to be pregnant together. I'm pregnant again and it hasn't lessened my anxiety over the possibility of seeing her with her little baby. I don't understand this myself, but when she has this little one I am going to force myself to go to the hospital (same one) to see her. I don't know what else to do...

I will be thinking of you both and praying for you.

Love Lynnette xx