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Thread: Waiting to miscarry

  1. #1

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    Default Waiting to miscarry

    Hi all

    I just found out on Friday that our baby had stopped growing and am now waiting to miscarry. I was 8 weeks along. I posted about it in the pregnancy forum - thanks to everyone over there for pointing me in this direction.

    My Doctor was not keen on a D&C and wants to let nature take it's course, which was fine by me. I am just a bit worried about the actual process, I'm not sure what to expect or when to expect it. If anyone has been through this I would be very grateful for any advice they might have.

    to all here.


  2. #2

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    Smegs - I don't have any suggestions for you (my miscarriages were spontaneous and earllier in the pregnancies) but I just wanted to send you a big hug and let you know we are a lovely bunch who are around to support you during this time. Take care of yourself.

  3. #3
    kirsty Guest

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    Smegs I too don't have any advice as to what to expect as both my losses were 2nd trimester losses & labour had to be induced both times ~ so am sorry to not be able to give you any information.

    However I would like to express my deep sympathy to you on the loss of your precious little baby & please know that we are here whenever you need someone to chat to (or rant & rave with!)

  4. #4
    paras Guest

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    Hi Smegs,

    Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss and I am thinking of you during this difficult time. I, too had a similar situation to yours several weeks ago. I was almost 10wks pregnant when we were told our baby's heartbeat stopped...for three wks prior to that I watched our baby on u/sound every week and it too was not growing. During week 2 my OB told me to go home and "wait to miscarry".... but it didn't happen! A week later our baby passed away and I had a D&C the following day. It is interesting that your dr has suggested natural miscarriage considering it could be a long (and painful) process....I do not want to alarm you with this info but be prepared for this. My OB explained that some women may not miscarry for weeks which could lead to other complications....on the other hand, it could happen quite quickly for you....Please consider all options and speak to your dr again about the pros & cons of waiting for a 'miscarriage' to occur. How long should you wait b4 a D&C is suggested and do you want to go thru this at home? I know you are probably thinking about all this already and I am not sure whether you feel you can cope with the 'waiting' b/c I certainly couldn't. The week I waited at home to 'miscarry' was bloody awful! I was petrified of it happening at home considering I didn't know what to expect. At least with the D&C you know its over after the operation....Another important thing for me was that I couldn't cope (emotionally) with the idea of carrying a baby that had passed away so therefore I wouldn't even consider a natural miscarriage...

    I am sorry if this is too graphic or confronting, esp. at a time like this but I feel for you and want you to make the best decision for yourself. Just think about the above issues and if miscarrying 'naturally' is a priority for you, then go ahead with that....just make sure you discuss exactly what that means with your dr....as for the physical pain, it can obviously go either way. Some women have mild to severe pain with or without a D&C - that's just the roll of the dice! Hopefully, you will get by with very little pain....

    Please be comforted with the fact that I, and all the other women reading this, are thinking of you and are here to support you throughout this difficult time.....Take care sweetie and I am praying for you.....

  5. #5
    MUMMY4LIFE is offline .: ~ Don't regret anything that ever made you smile ~ :.

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    So very sorry for what you are going through, I don't have any advice...but I send you *hugs* and support. Thinking of you at this difficult time. Take Care. X

  6. #6

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    Thank you all for your replies and good wishes.

    Paras, I appreciate your honesty. I will be calling the doctor tomorrow to ask a few more questions, as I am not sure now if I am going to be able to wait it out. I am a little worried that it will not happen on it's own, and also am starting to feel that the waiting is prolonging the agony so to speak. Am not having a good day today.

  7. #7
    *Beccy* Guest

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    Smegs ~ my m/c last year happened on it's own naturally. I started to get some spotting and then I had really bad cramps, followed with heavy bleeding and clots for about 11 days. But, my cycle went straight back to normal the following month. I don't know whether that was because it happened naturally???

    I am in two-minds because 11 days of bleeding and passing the sack was horrendus and a constant reminder of the loss, but I've never had a D&C to compare.

    I am sorry to hear of your loss and totally sympathise with you. My thoughts are with you at this horrible time!

    Kind regards
    Beccy

  8. #8

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    I am sorry for your loss Its a horrible situation to be in.
    I think ultimately it is up to you whether or not you want a curette or to miscarry naturally.
    I had a D&C as my misscarriage was missed by over 2 weeks. I started brown spotting, and for 4 days it was juts that - very light brown spotting.
    On the day of my scheduled D&C it got a little bit heavier, and then I inserted the medication that was required for the procedure to loosen everything up.

    I have known people who were given medication to speed things up, but were still able to miscarry in the privacy of their own home. Depending on how you feel, this could be an option that you might want to discuss with your dr as its possible this could go on for a while.

    A D&C isn't pleasant. Its a full on procedure where you are knocked out and wake up in a recovery room. It means a general anaesthetic, and a day in hospital, often surrounded by other expentent mothers in the female ward of your hossy.

    It is up to you - you can ask for what you want, and your Dr will help you make the decision that suits you. Yes a D&C is good because it is all out of the way, but to miscarry quickly and naturally like Fletch says in your own home can also be a blessing.

    Again - I am sorry for your loss, and if there is anything we can do to help, please let us know.

  9. #9

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    Smeg,
    I am so sorry for you lost and I'll be thinking of you in the coming bad days ahead of you.

  10. #10
    paras Guest

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    Hi Smegs,

    I was just wondering how you u r doin this evening? I am thinking of u and hoping that whichever decision u make, the m/c process is quick, and not too painful for you. Please let us know tomorrow how u go with the p/call to your dr....just remember, if he tells you that miscarrying 'naturally' at home is easier and less painful, don't believe him! There are plenty of women on this forum that will tell u otherwise. Not to say that a D&C is any better....both are horrendous experiences. So I guess the point is, just go with what is important for YOU and what u r comfortable with, rather than what u think would be quicker and less painful b/c as I said earlier, that part is unpredictable whichever way u decide. Take care and be strong....we're here to help you pick up the pieces after it all happens.....

  11. #11

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    Hi Paras - I am doing okay, I have spent most of the day crying, feeling angry, feeling sad...I think it is good to get it all out though. It has only really hit me today I think. I will talk to the doc tomorrow. I am a little worried that this might drag out for weeks, but like you said it doesnt seem that either one (D&C or natural) is the easier option. I was thinking of taking some time off work as well, I am woried about it happening when I am not at home. But if it doesn't happen for a few weeks, I am not sure if that is a good idea either.

    Thanks everyone for the wishes and the advice, it really does help to hear from people who have already been through this.

  12. #12
    paras Guest

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    I know exactly what u mean re. waiting at home for it to happen....when I was told to go home & wait to miscarry, I was so petrified of how & when it would happen that I did not leave the house for 2 weeks! In the end it didn't happen at all! So, that's why I opted for the D&C....ur in such a difficult situation I know....but it seems like maybe you would rather have the D&C for peace of mind? I totally understand that....if your dr doesn't seem supportive, go elsewhere. U need someone who will help you thru this not confuse you even more....

    U will eventually physically recover (it took me a good 2 weeks to get around w/o any pain). As for the emotional recovery, well that's a lifetime process. The crying & sadness u felt today is so normal and so okay! I'm glad you're feeling it b/c keeping your feelings inside makes it worse in the long run....It was 4 wks today that I found out our baby had passed, so today was pretty miserable for me too....just when I thought I was beginning to cope....this forum really helped me at the beginning of all this....if you need to talk on a more personal level we can arrange for that too.....

  13. #13

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    Hi smegs. I have had 2 m/c now.. My first was at 10 weeks and I had a D&C no complications all went fine . My 2nd however was not good, I had a D&C, they didn't um take anything out. hate to be so graphic but what Im getting at is that I ended up miscarrying at home and it was horrible.. The pain was nothing like what I ecpected. At the time of the mc we didn't realise that it had anything to do with that we thought there was another probem but thats beside the point.. My personal opinion is to have a d&c. Goo dluck.. I hope everything goes smoothly for you ((hugs))

  14. #14

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    Smegs so sorry for your loss.
    I hope your Dr will be able to give you some answers today.

    I had a D&C with my first m/c as i lost the baby at about 6wks and i didn't find out till 10wks.
    My second was a quick natural m/c it just felt like a normal AF.
    My third m/c was a natural one and very painful. I started spotting in November and i didn't miscarry until early December it was the worst pain i had ever felt. I would have prefered a D&C but because i was already bleeding they wouldn't let me.
    Don't let what happened to me put you off but you have to think about the waiting for it too happen.

  15. #15
    goldilocks Guest

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    Smegs, I'm so very sorry for your loss, sweetie. A miscarriage is a terribly sad and difficult thing to have to go through. We are all here for you

    I hope that things happen very quickly for you naturally, but you should also consider asking your doctor for a D&C. There is definitely no easy option, it's a very personal choice.

    I had a blighted ovum and didn't find out until I was almost 13 weeks. The sac had stopped growing at 8-9 weeks so it had been there for 4-5 weeks and it was obvious that I wasn't going to miscarry naturally so I had to have a D&C. The procedure was fine, I had no pain afterwards. But I did bleed/spot for 30 days until AF arrived.

    Thinking of you, sweetie :hugs:

    Love
    Belle
    -xxxooo-

  16. #16

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    I am so very sorry that you are going through this smegs, thinking of you xoxo

  17. #17
    kriminal Guest

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    Hi smegs,
    I am very sorry for your loss.It totally sucks that we have to go through this, nature can be so cruel at times. I had a blighted ovum, discovered at 8 weeks 3 days and was given a choice of a d&c or to let it happen naturally. I opted for a d&c because i just felt I wanted it to be out of me so I could get on with the healing process. Unfortunately with the first d&c they didn't manange to get everything and so 5 days after I began bleeding and cramping which resulted in me having a 2nd d&c a week ago today. By the time I went into theatre I was passing clots and in quite a bit of pain.I found that to be fairly harrowing and was relieved when they took me to theatre. For me, if this was to happen again I would still opt for a d&c, but i think it's an entirely personal decision. I will say that I have found the whole experience to be quite draining esp. having to have 2 GA's.After both my d&c's I had no pain except for when I first woke up which was like bad period pain.I've had no pain and very little bleeding since. I was put on anibiotics which has resulted in a disgusting case of thrush, I even have it in my throat (eeewwww) due to being so run down from the procedures. Anyway, that's my experience. I hope everything goes ok for you no matter what you decide and my thoughts are with you.

  18. #18

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    Awww, very very sorry for your loss! your very brave to wait, I have always insisted on having a D and C as I just wouldnt be able to handle the waiting around. I hope that things will work out for you next time around and let us know how your doing!

    my thoughts are with you during this stressful time

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