Thanks beautiful ladies, I know i havent failed him to a point. I just feel like if i had just taken all my life stresses in my pride i wouldnt of put extra stress on my pregnant body. Im also baring the brunt and feeling guilty on behalf of his non existant father, who hasnt even acknowledged his existance, not even a lousy 25c text msg- i lie a FREE text msg.
I just wish i could hold him. I think that is the hardest part.
I know having a NICU baby is far from failing and i just want to make that clear i think i worded it incorrect and i apologise. I guess what i ment is i feel like i myself failed him because i didnt look after myself.

Thanks for all the reply ladies, dont know what i would do without this place You really are like my little angels telling me to keep going!
oh and thankgosh for IPHONES- i am going crazy in this place from boredom.