Just wanted to pop in and say what an amazing little girl you've got there, and wish you all the best for the months ahead. Sounds like she is one tough little cookie. You are doing a great job of staying positive. Keep coming back to keep us updated on Heidi's progress and to let us know how you're doing too.
Glad to hear Heidi is doing so well. Take care of yourself and DP as well, it must be tiring having to manage DS, who's still only little himself, and the trip to the hospital every day.
oohh yeah i was also going to second the "aktavite' choccy drink to help with milk supply...i also found keeping on my multivits and plenty of water really helped...
I'm a mummy to a ex 25 weeker and was in NICU/SCN for 153 days so I know what a long tiring road you have ahead of you. Please if you need any support or want to ask anything, I am very happy to help out.
Shazz.
Last edited by shazld; July 4th, 2010 at 11:36 PM.
Evening all, thank you all for your kind words and support. All the tips are really handy, especially on the milk production side of things. So far so good, I'm getting a little bit more day by day which is encouraging so I'm trying not to stress too much about it. I'm not getting much time to rest in between visits and taking care of DS so its hard to stay on top of things but we're getting there. DP is such an amazing guy - I already knew that - but sometimes it takes these challenging times to really see just how amazing he is. Physically I'm feeling a bit worn down, I guess the hormone high has worn off to some extent. Emotionally I'm going up and down depending on the day / time LOL! Leaving the hospital is very hard. I feel like my time with her is so broken and fragmented which is really tough.
She is still nice & stable. They successfully got a central line in her leg a few days ago and she is starting to re-gain some weight. They are monitoring some gastro-intestinal things which are simply a result of her immature digestive system but being cautious all the same. She is still receiving my EBM but just at less frequent intervals. The bruising on her precious face is improving day by day and she is just the sweetest little girl. We had another nice long cuddle too and I'm hanging for the next one let me tell you that!
Must go and be-friend the trusty pump for the millionth time LOL! I will keep everyone informed as we keep moving along.
Glad to hear Heidi is continuing to do well and gaining weight - clever girl! That milk must be well and truly doing it's job. You're a fabulous Mumma to be putting in all of this effort for your tiny girl. Take care of yourself where you can. Apart from DP, do you have any IRL support?
It can be so hard walking away from their isolettes, when all you want to do is pick them up and cuddle them and be there with them every minute of the day. I was like leesa I found it a tiny bit easier to leave when DD was asleep, the most horrible time was walking into the nursery and DD sreaming her lungs out under the bili lights, completely nude, not even a nappy to cover her, it was just heartbreaking all I wanted to do was rip her out and hold her tight, but she needed to be there.
My pump sat next to me for over 12 months, and it really does become your "best friend", I even had a friend who was expressing at the same time and we would have "expressing sessions" and chat on Messenger, and it was so helpful to know that there was someone on the other end of a pump at the same time, it makes it a lot less lonely and can take your focus off it as well, to make things a bit easier if you are able get a second expressing kit/attachments, I found that those nights when you are really tired having a spare set - that you can get DH to wash for you, makes it a tiny bit easier
It is brilliant news that she is gaining weight, every gram makes a big difference and she is doing such an amazing job for a 25 weeker, next time you give her a lovely cuddle make sure she knows that there are a lot of guardian angels thinking of her and protecting her. I am so glad they got the central line in and that she is coping well with the changes it brings, and absolutely thrilled youa re enjoying some amazing Kangaroo cuddles, it is truely amazing how strong the healing and comforting powers of Kangaroo care can do.
Take care and I am glad that you DH is such an amazing support for you
xxoo
Hi everyone, we've had a very busy few days & I haven't had much time to spend at the computer. Heidi is still going so well. She is 2 weeks old now, and she'll tick over to 28 weeks gestation on Sunday so she is just a little champion. Hard to believe we were on a knife-edge so recently. Her weight has remained stable, and she is still doing well maintaining her breathing with minimal CPAP support. Every few days she goes back under phototherapy if her bilirubin levels go up a bit but that is all perfectly normal. Her tummy issues seemed to have resolved so the little guzzler is now tolerating a whole 1ml of EBM every hour! Such a tiny little munchkin. She is teaching us so much about being strong....surely if she can do this so can we I keep reminding myself.
We're travelling along ok. I think I finally hit my wall yesterday. Its amazing how exhaustion of both the physical & emotional kind sort of creeps up on you for a few days then suddenly decides to take you down in one heap all of a sudden. DP was working yesterday and DS was with MIL for the whole day so I had a day completely for me to spend with Heidi. I spent 9am-2pm at the hospital before I had to force myself home. I got into bed and just cried & cried. I needed to let a lot out, I hadn't really allowed myself to since her birth. There is so much running through my mind all the time, I just can't switch off. The mummy guilt has kicked in majorly. Poor DS is sick and teething and constipated, and is so upset whenever we drop him off somewhere or leave the house without him. And the need to be with Heidi is so compelling for me, I am feeling so torn right now. I know DS will be ok, and that he needs to adapt a little bit under the circumstances but its very very hard for me right now. I just hope he starts feeling better soon and is a bit more resilient.
Expressing is going ok. I found out during the week that Fenugreek is NOT my friend. The label did say "may cause loose stools" and I though, ok, not likely to happen. Well it did. I had diarrhoea of gastro proportions and suffice to say that I didn't need that wiping me out right now. So no more Fenugreek. And my right boob is seriously letting the team down. Despite expressing for longer on that side its still not doing much - it takes double the time to get half the amount of what my left boob will produce and I'm getting very frustrated. Its as if some of the little ducts in the nipple haven't opened up - the left one just sprays out thank goodness. Otherwise we'd be stuffed.
Janie, I have to send the biggest hug & thank you your way for sending me the ABA booklet - its been really helpful for me to read and has given me a lot of hope. You truly are amazing.
The hardest thing for me right now is that simply, I miss my baby girl so badly. We've shared a few more cuddles over the last week, I've given her a sponge bath and if I'm there when they do her feeds & cares I generally do those too. But I'm not getting anywhere near enough time with her and I just don't know how to juggle things any better right now. Its tearing at me 24/7. She needs her mummy so much and I need her, I just don't know how to resolve that right now. I feel like my time with her is so broken. I have people asking me for photos and I just can't bring myself to share her yet because I feel like I hardly even know her well enough yet. I've taken the phone off the hook because Im sick of fielding phone calls from well meaning family who want a blow-by-blow update.
Thank you all for thinking of us xx your support and the opportunity to come in here and let things out is a real relief.
I'm so glad to hear how well she's doing. I can't imagine how tough this is for you
I'm thinking of you and hope you can have your family all together again at home soon
You are doing such a great job, you are so strong, i know where your little girl gets it from
i can't even imagine what your going through hun, all i can say is your doing so well and your 2 beautiful babies are very lucky to have u as their mum.
My thoughts are with u and your beautiful miracle child xox big hugs
Last edited by Butterfly Child; July 9th, 2010 at 01:39 PM.
: spelling error
Infinity, you are doing so well and my heart breaks for you having to leave your tiny girl behind at the hospital when it's time to go home. I hope your DS is better soon. What a fabulous job you are doing juggling everything! Your expressing efforts are obviously helping Heidi enormously. LOL at the slow rightie. It might be frustrating, but if it makes you feel any better, many, many women have an underperforming bb. Mine was leftie. I'm sure it produced about a quarter of what the other side did. I used to console myself with the idea that if a mother can feed twins, then only one bb needed to be firing on all cylinders to keep one baby going really.
It's great to hear from you. Take care of yourself, it sounds like you are doing a very good job of managing what you can and can't cope with. I am seriously in awe.
It's so hard to leave them behind, knowing that someone else is caring for your precious little bundle.
Have you got someone in your family you can keep updated and then let everyone call them? I used to ignore the phone too, the last thing you need at the end if an emotional day is to go through it all over and over again.
Your milk will still be coming in, it takes a while when they are so early, you are doing a great job every little bit helps.
Oh darl, I've only just read this, after responding to your PM I'm glad you were able to have a cry, and let it all out, it's really important to do that. I will come back later when I can and chat to you some more..........xoxo
If only there was a way cyber hugs could be felt, I would give you a huge long hug. You are doing such a fantastic job looking after you DS and dealing with the journey of a baby in NICU. A big cry is a good thing. Better out than in. It is so so good that DD is breathing so well, heart and head scans good and getting lots of your fantastic milk.
I had a similar problem with uneven producing boobs. My left is considerable smaller than the right and only ever produced half of the right one. No matter how much i tried with extra pumping it did not change. It is not as noticeable anymore and the leftie produces lots of milk.
It is heart breaking to leave the hospital but the nurses really care for their little charges. I hated that feeling of having no control, not being able to take my DD home so I tried to focus on the relationship I could build. Lots of kangaroo cuddles, when off the CPAP I would hold her all the time and every time I was there during the tube feed as I wanted her to know that I meant food. That said I cried a lot to let it out.
Thanks for keeping us updated and hugs sent to you.
Sounds like I need to give my right boob a rest and just accept its going to be the dud performer! LOL, thats ok. Like I need to stress about that right now.
DD received a blood transfusion today which is normal and was expected. She was lovely and settled when I went to see her this afternoon. They are holding her feeds for the next 24 hours as her tummy has reacted again which is something they're watching.
I am craving more cuddles with her - the last few days when I've been in its been very busy for them so its been a bit hard. This is one of the main reasons I need to spend longer blocks of time with her. I'm also struggling going in alone. DP & I kind of visit in shifts ATM so one of us can be with DS, but I need his strength some days when I'm by her cotside.
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I hope your DS is better soon. What a fabulous job you are doing juggling everything! Your expressing efforts are obviously helping Heidi enormously. LOL at the slow rightie. It might be frustrating, but if it makes you feel any better, many, many women have an underperforming bb. Mine was leftie. I'm sure it produced about a quarter of what the other side did. I used to console myself with the idea that if a mother can feed twins, then only one bb needed to be firing on all cylinders to keep one baby going really.
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