Glad to hear Heidi is continuing to do well and gaining weight - clever girl! That milk must be well and truly doing it's job. You're a fabulous Mumma to be putting in all of this effort for your tiny girl. Take care of yourself where you can. Apart from DP, do you have any IRL support?
It can be so hard walking away from their isolettes, when all you want to do is pick them up and cuddle them and be there with them every minute of the day. I was like leesa I found it a tiny bit easier to leave when DD was asleep, the most horrible time was walking into the nursery and DD sreaming her lungs out under the bili lights, completely nude, not even a nappy to cover her, it was just heartbreaking all I wanted to do was rip her out and hold her tight, but she needed to be there.
My pump sat next to me for over 12 months, and it really does become your "best friend", I even had a friend who was expressing at the same time and we would have "expressing sessions" and chat on Messenger, and it was so helpful to know that there was someone on the other end of a pump at the same time, it makes it a lot less lonely and can take your focus off it as well, to make things a bit easier if you are able get a second expressing kit/attachments, I found that those nights when you are really tired having a spare set - that you can get DH to wash for you, makes it a tiny bit easier
It is brilliant news that she is gaining weight, every gram makes a big difference and she is doing such an amazing job for a 25 weeker, next time you give her a lovely cuddle make sure she knows that there are a lot of guardian angels thinking of her and protecting her. I am so glad they got the central line in and that she is coping well with the changes it brings, and absolutely thrilled youa re enjoying some amazing Kangaroo cuddles, it is truely amazing how strong the healing and comforting powers of Kangaroo care can do.
Take care and I am glad that you DH is such an amazing support for you
xxoo
Hi everyone, we've had a very busy few days & I haven't had much time to spend at the computer. Heidi is still going so well. She is 2 weeks old now, and she'll tick over to 28 weeks gestation on Sunday so she is just a little champion. Hard to believe we were on a knife-edge so recently. Her weight has remained stable, and she is still doing well maintaining her breathing with minimal CPAP support. Every few days she goes back under phototherapy if her bilirubin levels go up a bit but that is all perfectly normal. Her tummy issues seemed to have resolved so the little guzzler is now tolerating a whole 1ml of EBM every hour! Such a tiny little munchkin. She is teaching us so much about being strong....surely if she can do this so can we I keep reminding myself.
We're travelling along ok. I think I finally hit my wall yesterday. Its amazing how exhaustion of both the physical & emotional kind sort of creeps up on you for a few days then suddenly decides to take you down in one heap all of a sudden. DP was working yesterday and DS was with MIL for the whole day so I had a day completely for me to spend with Heidi. I spent 9am-2pm at the hospital before I had to force myself home. I got into bed and just cried & cried. I needed to let a lot out, I hadn't really allowed myself to since her birth. There is so much running through my mind all the time, I just can't switch off. The mummy guilt has kicked in majorly. Poor DS is sick and teething and constipated, and is so upset whenever we drop him off somewhere or leave the house without him. And the need to be with Heidi is so compelling for me, I am feeling so torn right now. I know DS will be ok, and that he needs to adapt a little bit under the circumstances but its very very hard for me right now. I just hope he starts feeling better soon and is a bit more resilient.
Expressing is going ok. I found out during the week that Fenugreek is NOT my friend. The label did say "may cause loose stools" and I though, ok, not likely to happen. Well it did. I had diarrhoea of gastro proportions and suffice to say that I didn't need that wiping me out right now. So no more Fenugreek. And my right boob is seriously letting the team down. Despite expressing for longer on that side its still not doing much - it takes double the time to get half the amount of what my left boob will produce and I'm getting very frustrated. Its as if some of the little ducts in the nipple haven't opened up - the left one just sprays out thank goodness. Otherwise we'd be stuffed.
Janie, I have to send the biggest hug & thank you your way for sending me the ABA booklet - its been really helpful for me to read and has given me a lot of hope. You truly are amazing.
The hardest thing for me right now is that simply, I miss my baby girl so badly. We've shared a few more cuddles over the last week, I've given her a sponge bath and if I'm there when they do her feeds & cares I generally do those too. But I'm not getting anywhere near enough time with her and I just don't know how to juggle things any better right now. Its tearing at me 24/7. She needs her mummy so much and I need her, I just don't know how to resolve that right now. I feel like my time with her is so broken. I have people asking me for photos and I just can't bring myself to share her yet because I feel like I hardly even know her well enough yet. I've taken the phone off the hook because Im sick of fielding phone calls from well meaning family who want a blow-by-blow update.
Thank you all for thinking of us xx your support and the opportunity to come in here and let things out is a real relief.
I'm so glad to hear how well she's doing. I can't imagine how tough this is for you
I'm thinking of you and hope you can have your family all together again at home soon
You are doing such a great job, you are so strong, i know where your little girl gets it from
i can't even imagine what your going through hun, all i can say is your doing so well and your 2 beautiful babies are very lucky to have u as their mum.
My thoughts are with u and your beautiful miracle child xox big hugs
Last edited by Butterfly Child; July 9th, 2010 at 01:39 PM.
: spelling error
Wonderful news on the weight gain, such a positive thing for such a tiny little bub. WTG Heidi.
DS was always weighed at midnight so I was never there at the time but on the day he reached 1kg, the nurses made a wonderful certificate for him and attached it to the foot of his isolette. That day there were many happy tears.
Long cuddles are the best. It's like there is no one or nothing that can come between you and bub. Like a dark cold shadow has been lifted and blanket of warmth and peace surrounds you both. At the time DS was in hospital, there was only 3 recliners to a 34 bed unit so it was always a fight for a comfy cuddle chair. The nurses were great, they knew cuddles with DS had been very limited so on the days he was well enough, I would arrive and there would be a recliner by his isolette with a big note on it "do not remove - Mother & bub will be having cuddles". Like you, some days we would sit there for hours...just so special.
It takes time for these little ones to adjust to receiving EBM, but they do get there in time. I always dreaded the days that DS's feeds were increased as it always caused huge problems with his apnoea. In the end, they would pump feed over 1 hour every 2 hours, it was almost as if he was being fed constantly.
Well done on the increased BM production. Cuddles do have a lot to do with it and the fact that you sound less stressed after your big cry the other day. you are doing a brilliant job.
Take care & hope you get more cuddles really soon xx
Wow Infinity what a fabulous weight gain Little Miss Heidi has done, it is an amazing feeling to see them surpass their birth weight, and celebrate each milestone no matter how small, because it is those wonderful positive moments that just makes it a tiny bit easier to get through the day
I am so glad that you and DH are going in together this evening, it is really important for you to take a bit of time out as a couple as well, next trip try and grab a little bit of time for a nice coffee or hot chocolate, with just the two of you, a little bit of normality as such.
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Apart from DP, do you have any IRL support?
I am sending all the strength vibes I can your way, hun.
I hope tomorrow is another good day.
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