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Thread: Christy's De-Brief..positive update

  1. #19

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    I'm not sure... LOL She doesn't seem too because she points to my belly & says baby now, but she also points to her belly & the day care mum's belly and anyone elses & says "baby" LOL...

    One GREAT point! Since posting this first one we have not had one full on tantrum. Many mini ones, but no full on ones! YAY!!!


  2. #20

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    How are the stress levels now then Christy lol!

    I'm glad she hasn't had a major one for a while - maybe this is a turning point for her (fingers crossed)

  3. #21
    Melinda Guest

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    How is Matilda going Christy? Still going great guns?! It sounds as though both our little cherubs are being good lately! YAY!!!

    How is Matilda going teeth-wise? I just noticed the other day that Jacob has cut a 2 y.o. molar!!!

  4. #22

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    Yep she's been great, less than a handful of mini tantrums a day which is fantastic, no major ones since I posted (why didn't I think of posting earlier??LOL). She has a cold atm, but it hasn't really changed her behaviour at all, so hopefully we will continue the way we are YAY!

  5. #23
    Melinda Guest

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    That's brilliant news Christy! We're much the same - a handful of mini tanties, but that's it. Nothing monumental at all. With the bump to the head, gastro and teething, I was worried it would set Jacob off again in a big way, but he too has been lovely.

    It's so nice isn't it!!!

  6. #24
    Tigergirl1980 Guest

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    So glad to hear that everything is going well Christy

  7. #25
    Kellee Guest

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    Wow, what an amazing post. I'm so pleased that you were able to vent in here (I really do love BB!), but I can't believe the insensitive comments that you mentioned in the first post! People are so judgemental, it's disgusting.

    I'm glad to hear that the tanties have settled down a little bit since you first started posting this. Fingers crossed that it keeps going! I'm not trying to freak you out by saying this, but just letting you know - Charlie has started to throw some major tantrums as the birth of No. 2 approaches. He knows that there is a baby in Mummy's tummy and even though I don't think he really understands what's about to happen I think he can sense that life is about to change. So I just thought I'd let you know in case Matilda starts to react to it the closer your birth gets. I hope it doesn't happen though.

    You and DH really sound like wonderful parents. You are so gently with Matilda through the tough times, and are really an inspiration to other parents (myself included). I know that you guys will come out the other side of it, as will Matilda, and be better for it all. You're rad. Big hugs to you, DH and your little darling.

  8. #26
    zoe Guest

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    Hi Christy, I guess people just don't think when they open their mouths, do they? My son does the same thing but to make you feel better - I looked at her birthdate and she is only very little (my son's nearly 4) and this is probably just a stage. Don't worry about what other people say, though, you're doing all the right things!

  9. #27

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    *new De-brief VENT*

    And the worst mother of the year award goes too.......................... ME!!!!

    ARgh.... had an awful day today. Just seem to be battling about everything lately. It started out with her not wanting to eat breakfast as usual. The last two weeks, breakfast has been a punishment or so it would seem to her....and she kept fighting me about every little thing. So I realised she didn't want to get moving this morning, so I sat on the lounge with her & read stories for a little while. Just to give her the attention she wanted & hopefully be able to do something afterwards. She got up in the middle of the stories & ran over to the dog & pulled its tail. Usually thats attention seeking behaviour, but she had all my attention! So... time out. Then we went to painting & she tried to pour the paint all over the ground to which I said "Matilda No" She dropped everything, ran to the nearest dog & bit it! So....time out. We then had a shower to get rid of all the paint (which took me an hour to get her in the shower) and she seemed to settle after that, but we had to go out & we were in the shops for 10 minutes when she exploded. Throwing her body around within the confines of the seat of the trolley & strapped in. But screaming & hitting her head and everything....so we left. As soon as we got home she was fine. I was a mess. I fed her lunch & put her to bed and cried and cried. I just don't know why she is doing this & what I can do now. I am still waiting on an appt with the PPP consultant, who I rang today in tears and said "hurry please" he said should only be a few days before he has the appt date for me. I rang a few friends who have BTDT with tantrums & understand how hard it is. But I just feel so awful now. I am so sad. I feel like a terrible mother who is unable to help her child when she is obviously frustrated & angry for some reason.

  10. #28

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    Oh Christy please don't beat yourself up ~ you can't possibly have all the answers all the time (even though we'd all dearly like to). You're doing so many good things with her... giving her boundaries and letting her operate within those, teaching her that some behaviours are unacceptable (while letting her see that she herself is always acceptable to you), you're not rewarding the inappropriate behaviour and dwelling on any disobedience, but you are moving on once your gentle correction is over to things which do capture her interest. You're seeking help through the PPP consultant and your heart breaks for your beautiful, unique little girl who is experimenting and testing every boundary you put in place for weaknesses.

    Christy you're doing all the right things, and you're responding to her with grace. I can see in your posts that this is incredibly tough for you right now. There's a story I heard recently about an old man who was asked what his favourite Bible verse was. He surprised the questioner with, "This too will pass." Can I just encourage you to keep going? You're doing great.

    Lastly, here's another 3 Ps for you - Persevere with what you're doing, you're raising a fine, spirited princess and you're doing well. Be Patient with her - she won't understand why the boundaries you've set are in her best interests for many years to come yet. Play - keep the fun happening (like you are) and give her many precious memories.

    Big hugs to you. I went through something similar with Gabrielle. She's now five and her tantrums are few and far between. I'm going to PM you a little something extra.

  11. #29
    Melinda Guest

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    Oh Christy, HUGE hugs to you matey. You're having a tough time right now - remember you too have been very unwell, you're pregnant, you work, run a household and are trying to raise a very beautiful little girl. Don't beat yourself up - you do an AMAZING job with Matilda - never doubt that for a minute. I always seek out your posts to find strategies that you adopt with Matilda and am in awe of the way that you are always kind and gentle and loving, no matter what the day has thrown at you!

    We too have days where Jacob seems to fight me on everything - be it food, or whatever activity we are doing. He will challenge me in every way possible and some days I wonder if I have the energy to do all this all over again! I find myself getting upset that I'm introducing activities that I thought Jacob would like, only to have them cut very short because he has behaved in an unacceptable way, like Matilda did with the paint, and having to do the time out thing. It upsets me because I want to enjoy every second of my time with him and see him enjoy new activities, rather than spend the day battling. Sometimes I wonder if I know my little boy at all or if I've misread it all and got it all wrong! Deep down, I KNOW that I haven't got it all wrong and I haven't misread him - he's doing what OODLES of toddlers do, by pushing all the boundaries and trying to work out "What will Mummy do if I do X". It is sooo insanely tiring and it seems to me that some toddlers do this a lot more than others? Why I will never know (if I did I think I'd be a millionaire ROFL), but it just seems to be that some little ones always push the boundaries and need confirmation that they exist, but that you still love them anyway!

    I too find myself out and about with Jacob and having 'eyes' upon us, and I find that really hard - I struggle with that a lot. I take it on board as a personal criticism of me as a parent and as though I don't know how to handle my own child. I doubt myself a lot just as you do, but at the end of the day, I know I'm doing the best that I can - we try to give Jacob appropriate stimulation and activity (physical and mental), we try to teach him how to treat other people and animals with love, kindness and patience, we try to provide him with a healthy diet and we provide him with all the affection we could ever provide and then some. The end result of that to date is that even though he challenges us on many things, he is by and large a very affectionate boy (cuddling and kissing us a lot, as well as his toys, pictures in magazines, you name it) who thrives on activity........remember, these are the same things you provide for Matilda and I KNOW she is a wonderful little girl - she's also a very intelligent little bean so she's challenging you more and more as she goes through developmental milestones and asserts her independence.

    I didn't want to turn this into something about myself (apologies to have taken over) but I just wanted you to know that we're in a similar boat here, and that we seem to adopt very similar strategies and I think at the end of the day, having a cry and a vent is a very positive thing on your part, and is necessary to stay sane and calm! I also know how very much you adore Matilda and all the wonderful things she says and does, and they are all a reflection of you and Pete as parents!

    Keep up the wonderful work Christy - you're raising a wonderful little girl with tremendous spirit and independence!

  12. #30

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    There are a few words both of you have said that have sent me bawling tonight... one was Christine saying "spirited princess" Thats our girl and you know what? That is something I love about her too. I love her spirit. And Mel you said tremendous spirit. Thats it too! Matilda was born with this amazing spirit and I don't want to dampen it at all... I love it. Sure it causes me heartache on days like today, but I need to be reminded that even on these days, her spirit is amazing and tremendous & she's our princess.

  13. #31

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    Thats beautiful Christy. And you know what when she's all grown and *still* has that spirit because it wasn't squashed when she was a child you will love her even more!

    You are a great mother Christy, there are some great Christy quotes that sit in my head and on days where I'm feeling a bit *argh* they often pop into my head and I melt, and whatevers going on it doesn't matter...

    One of them is you were talking about how Matilda started wanting hugs "You want a hug? Of course you can" and you would drop whatever for a precious hug. Another is "crying together" I love that you can both share your emotions so freely.

    Geeze I need to start me one of these! Somedays I go to bed and think... hmmm how much did I screw her up today... LOL!

    *hugs*
    Cailin

  14. #32

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    Christy, I had a bit of a tear at your post last night, it really struck a chord with me.

    And Jillian echoes some of my ponderings over it all too.

    I was chatting to my Mum about it this morning too, in relation to high spirited kids......

    So here is an example for you:

    Placid, easy going little girl.....compliant, who, in addition to her nature, was fairly well "trained to please" by her parents.....ie "good girls" get love, "naughty girls" are not loved.

    Fast forward 7 years........same compliant child is SO easily lead at school, is a "follower" rather than a leader, and bends to peer pressure all the time in a desire to be "liked".

    Fast forward another 25 years, same girl is STILL overly eager to please, gets taken for granted in most areas of her world, has a ridiculous drive to be liked, still asociates being "good" with being loved, and is unhappily aware of this........

    Take heart in the fact that Matilda is such a spirited princess.......whilst it is evidently really tough on you all at the moment, I am convinced that you are parenting her in the exact right way to allow her to develop into a strong and fiesty chick who will love herself as much as you & Pete do.......which is the best gift any Mummy can give her daughter.........xx

  15. #33

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    awww Thank you all so much. I can't read this without crying atm. It is so amazing to have support when you feel your lowest about your parenting skills. I know I am not the worst mother, but last night I couldn't get my head around it. I just felt so awful for not being able to help her...

  16. #34

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    Thank you Theresa, that means a lot. I almost didn't post something tonight worried that how could I comment when things were so off with Matilda, but I couldn't keep my big mouth shut

    Well today I threw all plans out the window and just hung out with Matilda and went with her.... its good that I could do that today...the next 4 days have some pretty strict plans so at least I could do that today. She woke up late at 7.40am which was fantastic. And we read some stories again on the lounge, I didn't push breakfast & let her ask for it. Then she didn't eat much but I let her out when she said she was finished... so she then ran into our room & started pulling off her clothes saying "shower"... because that is usually what happens after breakfast if we need to go out & I need my shower... so we had a shower. She then watched some Wiggles and I sat with her & sang along. Then she wanted to eat again (no big surprise) and I fed her yogurt & rockmelon & she asked for ham when she was finished so had that too. Then she said she was finished so I let her out & we went to the shops because everything was so peaceful. She was great at the shops. We came home & had lunch & she played for a while & then had a nap... no tantrums, no screaming, no hitting, nothing. I can't think of what I'm doing entirely different because we are doing the exact plan for yesterday today... I think I wasn't as stressed as yesterday but she didn't wake up trying to push my buttons... she didn't wake up screaming and start the day off with a time-out for hurting the dog.

    So this arvo has been good, a bit unsettled at dinner because we have started a new thing where she is given one dinner and if she doesn't eat, she doesn't eat. (Previously DH would give her 3 different meals in an attempt to get her to eat well....). So I think she's realising this because she hasn't eaten breakfast or dinner for 3 days and tonight she ate her food. Sure she picked out the olives but that was okay by me. She's only tried them once before & didn't like them, but loves tapanade so its probably a texture thing anyway... But no major upheavals today, sure she complained at the shops for a minute when I wouldn't let her out of the trolley & she got cranky when I wouldn't give her anymore tic tacs, but that didn't phase me.

  17. #35
    Melinda Guest

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    Quote Originally Posted by Theresa
    I am always inspired by your posts, and your comments are always ones that I put a lot of weight in, so even if you think you are the worst mum in the world at ties, there are tonnes of us who don't & who are becoming better parents because of you.
    I whole-heartedly agree with that! Well said Theresa!

    Perhaps with what happened today........maybe Matilda felt that by her asking for the food, rather than by being sat down and given it and just expected to eat it, she felt as though she was in control, and as though it was more her choice to eat IYKWIM? Whatever it was that was different today, you sound so much more relaxed and at peace with things! I'm so pleased!!!

  18. #36

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    Just to let everyone know... things are still very tough atm, but we have some light shining through in our tunnel . We have an appointment to start Triple P councilling with a child psychologist on Monday. Finally!! Its been a 10 week wait, but we are getting started which is all that matters.

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