Even if your dh won't see a counsellor, if you are able to get some counselling you will be helped with some coping strategies and be able to talk through some of these issues and get some great hints on how to deal with your dh. And if he sees a positive effect on you, it might make him more amenable to trying it himself.

I'm sorry you are so overwhelmed - to be honest, if I had to deal with those negative messages and lack of support all the time, I'd be thoroughly miserable too. Maybe your dh needs to hear what some other partners do to support the mothers of their children, because his expectations are totally unrealistic.