Please don't judge me - just need a place to vent

[SareBear]

I was going to suggest the football hold too, that helped us when DS wouldn't attach on one side.

Also, have you looked in to a feeding clinic? DS and I went to the Women's in Melbourne and they were brilliant. The lactation consultants are there for you for every feed and are very supportive. It was also great to be out of the house for the day, talk to other mums and have someone bring you lunch.

I hope things start to get easier for you

[Shanti]

Aw Nae you are so brave for posting this. Well done. Good on you.

Motherhood is a HUGE SHOCK to all of us at first and it does take some getting used to.... it's hard enough looking after a newborn LET ALONE having all those breastfeeding problems also to add in to the mix.... it's really hard work. I too struggled with the breastfeeding from day 1, DD would not get on, we had breast refusal, poor attachment, lots of tears (both of us), screaming, it was really hard and I was in tears DAILY the first few weeks. It also was hard as my DH wasn't at home with us as he couldnt take time off so I was home alone with this new baby all by myself. (except weekends and nights of course).....

With the breastfeeding, I found hiring the help of a LC to come to our house SAVED our breastfeeding otherwise we probably would have gone to the bottle as we had sooo many problems with different things. Also just having the support of someone over was wonderful.... It wasn't until DD was 4mths that most of our breastfeeding problems were resolved (mind you, most people don't have as many problems as we did.... usually just first few weeks are hard)......we too had to express and I KNOW all too well how time consuming it is..... it gets better. ANd its SOO worth persisting with it.....

It DOES get easier and so does the breastfeeding..... I PROMISE you that.

Keep up the great work..... in a few weeks you will be feeling ALOT more confident with many things.....trust me

[widdly]

honey, it is SO hard sometimes, and its so easy to feel overwhelmed and wonder why on Earth you had a child. After all you have gone through to get Shae, I can totally understand you feeling guilty and not wanting to ask for help cause you should be grateful for what you have got. But that is not right sweet, it is hard for us all no matter what our circumstances, we all need support and encouragement, and we all need to vent and get thoughts out of our heads.

We all know you are a wonderful mummy who is so blessed and grateful to have Shae, you can vent and ask for help and we will still think you're a great Mummy.

Hope tomorrow is a brighter for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[rhyb]

[kelebek]

I could have so easily left DS in those early weeks and also wondered when the 'baby bliss' was suppose to start. Those early weeks are sooo hard, sleep deprivation, crazy hormones and establishing bf and getting use to something that is so different to what you have ever done before on a 24/7 basis.

I second the football hold, it worked for us in those early weeks (for me it was the right side that was a bit bung) bf is hard work at first as you both learn how to do it together. We also used nipple shields for a week or so to help with the night feeds and to heal my nipples.

You have been given some great advice for things you can do and it seems all so overwhelming, try to take it one step, one feed, one meal, one drink at a time. If the MHN doesn't seem to hear your cry for help gather strenght from us and try someone else. I know it doesn't seem like it now but it does get better I promise too

[~Raven~]

Nae I only wish there was some way to be prepared but it can be such a rollercoaster of tiredness, hormones and uncertainty. No one can know how we will cope with motherhood and the ones who tell you it's hard are usually the ones that have that condescending tone that makes you want to kick them in the head You know the same ones whose kids were TT'd at 12 months old too...sorry I'm trying to make you smile

I would offer you a truckload of advice but I think most of it has been covered so what I will say is that it's alright and normal to be overwhelmed. Many have been there as have I.

I remember standing in the hallway bawling and feeling totally useless at 2am one morning and I can't remember why right now. I do remember for a while I was holding a screaming baby but I had to put him on the floor for a bit and we cried in unison till I got up off the floor and took him back to bed with me.

[~breeze~]

hun you have got some wonderful advice here from all the wonderful BB girls. I can totally understand the frustration from having your baby refuse your breast, DS refused BOTH of mine & screamed the house down whenever I tried to feed him, I called ABA but the next meeting in my area was a month away & I couldn't afford a private LC at that point in time, so I ended up giving up & he was exclusively formula fed. Can I just suggest that if its possible for you that you hire a LC, I really wish I had've SOMEHOW found the money to do it. If you cant, well there are lots of support threads here & so many first hand advice which is very helpful aswell.

When DD was only a few weeks old I walked out & left her screaming in her dads arms, drove to the beach & sat there balling my eyes out. New mums get so much pressure put on them, some people have no idea how hard it can be, especially in those first 6 or so weeks. Dont beat yourself up hun, you're doing a wonderful job & there's no way anyone here is going to judge you!

It DOES get easier. I know that doesnt really help you right now, but it does.

Hoping some of the advice given here helps you xoxo

[blackduckies]

All my babes have prefered one side to the other and you will most likely find that you feel more comfortable getting her attatched to the side she prefers. I found that I was holding DS in a funny way then kind of moving him to my other hand and he felt like he was falling, so he would let go and cry.
I suggest lactation clinic at the hospital, they see how you are doing it and can suggest other ways etc, will also give DH a day to catch up on sleep and help with that night..its hard to be bothered but could make all the difference.
A sling or pouch is a life saver , Poppy prefered the pouch!!!
i know you really want to BF, and don't hate me or take this the wrong way...but sometimes for your own mental health wellbeing it is better to go to the bottle..you will know if it gets to that point..if you hate everything about BF and start to dread the next feed and sit waiting for it all to be over...
I am happy to come over, I can hold Shae carry her in my pouch and you can grab a few well earned moments of rest, we are away Friday till Tuesday, but if you let me know I can get the kids babysat...and no it s not too much!!! only to happy to help, I can do an overnight if needed with notice, I'ii even bring something baby BF friendly to eat..

[Heaven]

Oh Nae, I remember feeling exactly how you are now!! I think it's extremely common. You think you know what it's going to be like but it's so much more!! It's totally normal to feel like that. I remember saying to DH "What have we done? We shouldn't have had a baby, we're not ready for this!!" But it was just because it's all so overwhelming. I also had issues with BF and that just made everything seem worse. You've been given some great advice in here. I agree, get a sling!! Get a fit ball!! See a LC!!

And most importantly it really DOES get a lot easier, even if it doesn't seem like it now
xx

[Feathertop]

Nae Nae, no extra advice but lots of support to you.

I'm a physio and our practice has a spare fit ball at the moment - if you would like to try one I can get it sent to you. If it works - keep it as a gift, one mother to another. If it's not your thing, then you can send it back to us, no worries.

I also spent lots of time crying in the shower...........sounds like a popular activity amongst many of us........

[mummato1]

Big Hugs.. its certainly not an easy time and there is some fantasic advice here. You are certainly not alone.

I found the first five weeks to be horrible and I found the support from our Early Motherhood Service invaluable. It could be worth checking to see if your local hospital also provides this service. It is a free, home-based service.

[Jewel]

Big huge squishy hugs!

[mbear]

Loads of great advice hon...hoping you have time to read it.

What trillian said was spot on - i think we've all been thru those times with a NB where we wished it was just DH and yourselves again...or even to be pregnant again...and not have to deal with the upset baby.
My 5mth old refuses my left side - never had this before. I do the football hold. Noticed at nightfeeds (when he still dreamy) he will take left side.
Wont repeat what is already been said. Just know your sooo not alone in all this....

[Moi]

First of all BIG HUGS.

Honestly I found the first 3 months extremely hard and really the first 6 months of my DD's life hard. I know that probably sounds like such a long time when Shae is still so young but it wasn't ALL bad and it did get easier as time went on. Just after 6 months things got a lot easier once my DD started solids and could move around more.

I didn't have much support and I really think motherhood is a time when we mothers really need all the support and help we can get. It is extremely hard!!

I'm going to repeat some of the advice others have given that really helped me too.

I saw an LC and talked to the ABA counsellors (1800 mum 2 mum) when I was having trouble BF. I also joined up with my local ABA group who were a great support. What about trying a new LC?

Trying different feeding positions might help. I agree the football hold was a great one for us, but it did take me a little while to get the knack of it. I also found it easier to feed her in the middle of the night from the side she didn't like as much. I think it worked because she was too tired to protest.

Your MCHN doesn't sound very helpful. I didn't like my MCHN either so I asked on BB and at my ABA meetings and found a new MCHN at a different centre who is so much more supportive. So that's an option too.

I used the MCHN line (13 22 29) and found that very helpful too.

A sling was a life saver for me. I had the hugabub and my DD would sleep in it as I walked around. I think she was nice and warm next to me and could hear my breathing and heart beat. All very comforting.

When I was having heaps of trouble with settling DD I organised Tweddle @ home, which really helped with settling and feeding issues. There are other people you can organise to come to your home or you can do day stays at hospitals.

I talked to my GP who decided that I wasn't PND but did suggest I talk to a counsellor which helped with coping strategies.

I started asking for help. It didn't always come unfortunately but when it did I always accepted it.

I got DH to take our DD as much as he could on weeknights and weekends so that I could have a break and have a sleep or shower or go for a walk or go for a drive. Those breaks always refreshed me, even if they were only 10 mins.

When home alone with DD I would sometimes put her in her pram, get my ipod, put the headphones on, turn the music on and just walk and walk and walk. That really helped me escape and DD would fall asleep. I always felt so refreshed afterwards - exercise gets the endorphins flowing.

It really does get easier. In those first few weeks the days seem to go forever and it seems like an end is not in sight but it DOES GET EASIER!!! Hang in there. If we can all go through it and make it to the other side so can you.

[boomba]

All the girls have given such wonderful advice i dont need to repeat it! But just sending you lots of love and support xxx

[MummyNaomi]

You would think after everything we have been through that I would be happy but I am beginning to question whether or not I have made a HUGE mistake. I have spent more time crying and feeling frustrated and screaming then I have in "baby bliss" I have no idea what I am doing and despite his best efforts to console me I feel like I am failing dismally.

Oh Nae - I just want to give you a big hug. The others have given fantastic practical advice, but just wanted to add that its completely OK and VERY normal to feel what you are feeling under the circumstances, and even though the journey to have your baby has been tough, it doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel whatever you feel. I know from personal experience that I felt I should be grateful just be be a Mum after our IVF experience, but just because you had a tough or long journey to get there, it doesn't mean you just have to 'suck up' the tough time you are having.

The beginning is bloody tough (there are always gonna be tough parts to be honest), I hope Shae settles and your BF issues come to and end so you can enjoy your baby, vent away, no one will judge, just support you

Naomi

[Kmn]

Shae's got a lot to learn - things are only going to get better.
Try taking her for a walk outside whenever you can - you'll feel a bit better for getting out, the screaming will be less than it is inside a house, and the movement may even help her sleep!
You may find that she is happier with her head elevated a bit - either by putting a wedge under her mattress or using a sling (though that can be a bit tricky when they are tiny and floppy and feel so fragile).
Is she happier in the bath? If so then move bathtime to whenever she is grumpiest!
And above all - hang in there. Ask for whatever help people can give. And look after you - make sure you eat and get a bit of exercise and as much sleep as you can.
hugs
Kate

[cheekyfrog]

It's bloody hard.

I couldn't get bf to work properly for the first six weeks either and was expressing, comp feeding and taking motillium to try to build up supply. And crying lots. At my 6 week check up, the paed said it was no wonder I was having difficulty as DS had a recessive chin, which made sucking difficult, and a blocked nose. He also said I deserved a gold medal for trying so hard but it wasn't sustainable. It was such a relief to hear that because to that point I felt like such a failure. Then after the two-month vaccinations, DS started screaming at the bottle. We had to bf. He also preferred the left side but I discovered lying down to feed him worked to get him to take the other side. And when we went out, I'd always take a pillow. We're still bf and he's 14 months now.

I hope you find something from all our posts that helps. Just wished I lived closer so that I could offer more IRL support. Sending you lots of love and hugs.