Huge congratulations to you for the birth of your beautiful girl!
Please DO NOT let yourself feel guilty for feeling overwhelmed and not having all those lovey dovey positive feelings about early motherhood and having your baby. I have been there and it led me to an awful place that I am still coming out of now.
From all the posts and beautiful support here you can see just how normal it is to find motherhood - especially at the beginning - the most difficult thing you've ever done. What makes it even harder is when you go through so much to have your LO, you honestly cannot help but end up with a picture in your head when you're waiting waiting waiting during your pregnancy of the bliss and happiness you will be in when you finally have your baby in your arms after so much heartache and all the waiting. It's completely understandable - and then when it isn't like that at all in reality it just feels so incredibly hard to manage, but also on top of that, you feel you are betraying the wonderful feelings you were expecting and all that you went through to have your baby.
But you're not. You're a beautiful human mummy. Who is fighting to do everything she can to give her precious baby comfort, nourishment and love. You are a success because of this. You are doing the best you can, Nae, and this is you being the mother you can be. You are WONDERFUL. The advice here is sooooo very good - I hope that all the suggestions can give you the tools you need.
One other thing I thought might be worth mentioning is that your letdown may work differently between your two breasts and this might be what is upsetting her. I know a PP suggested that your letdown might be too strong, but it could be the other way also. In the first few weeks when I was getting breastfeeding established I always had one side where my letdown was different (it took longer and wasn't quite as forceful) and it took my DD quite a bit of time to get used to this. She often wasn't at all happy that it was taking too long for the milk to flow compared to the other side and she was a smart one (as all our LO's are!) and would often flat out refuse the "slower" side.
Can I suggest hand expressing from the side she won't take before you try putting her on - just a little bit until you get your letdown happening, and see if she will go on then? Try squeezing a little into her mouth also as you put her towards the breast so she knows the milk is there ready to go. Remember to relax your arms and shoulders - the more tension the longer your letdown may take (yes, it will always come eventually, but sometimes it can take a long time when you're tense!) and take some lovely deep, calm breaths when you go to try that side, even though it's so very hard when you have the screaming banshee act happening.
I know you've got a mountain of suggestions to work through here, but I thought it was important to suggest something that helped me when I was dealing with one-sided refusal.
And TALK hun. Keep talking. Talk about how you are doing, talk to everyone here. Don't think that you don't have a right or shouldn't express what you're going through.
More from me Nae. I understand the feeling of pressure for everything to be perfect straight away. I tried to think of it as a new job - in any new job I would always give myself at least three months to find my feet and develop some confidence. Until then I just took it one day at a time and tried to learn as much as I could. You'll get through this babe, every single tiny thing you work out together will bring you closer to each other. In the meantime, take care of you, and let DH take care of you too.
Nae, you poor thing. I think you are doing a great job to keep on trying to BF.
I have no advice for the BF but for general sanity ... when Shae is screaming, can you give her to DH and go outside and hang with your horses (or somewhere you can't hear her)? I know I get more and more upset when Poppy cries. Then when you go back inside DH can take a break away from the crying.
Or maybe your inlaws could come and take the baby for a walk outside so you and DH can have some peace.
One of my aunts told me last night that she thought it was good to let babies cry for a while because they tire themselves out and they sleep better. I don't agree with this but her two girls and her two granddaughters seem happy enough now (aged 31, 31, 2 and 3).
P.S. You know my boobs didn't work at all so we're FFing. Can I just say that when I was struggling in the first two weeks I felt SO much more myself after a couple of good night's sleep, when DP got up to do the night feeds. He even took her to another room and shut the door so I wouldn't hear her cry.
Last edited by GoingtobebiginAsia; November 25th, 2009 at 09:08 AM.
Nae: Hope things are settling down for you..this is the toughest time and I can only offer it will get easier. I have a friend who has a ' let down' problem in her left breast and she says that he feeds ok off it at night when he is half asleep and doesn't realise.
The advice Acacia has given you sounds right on the money and also very wise.
I had a pretty horrendous time with Ben when he was a newborn as it was my first time too and the milk just didn't seem to come in for a while so I can see exactly where you are coming from and I can feel how you are feeling..my OB told me she had a lady who's milk didn't come in for 11days after giving birth! I also have a friend who is exclusively expressing and bottlefeeding the expressed because her baby want latch at all..take heart Nae, it will get better.
If it get's too much just pop her down in her cot or hammock, make a coffee or tea and go for a walk on your beautiful property and let her have a cry while you take 5..and keep posting! We have missed you in the babies due thread and I was hoping everything was ok.
hi there.. i havent read through the whole thread but i was wondering if you had tried taking your bubba to see an osteopath or chiropractor? I had a similar issue with DD#1 and took her to a chiorpractor and she was a new kid - there was a rib on her left side thatwas slightly out of line and she wouldnt feed on the right side due to that!
how's everything going nae?
everyone has given such great advice so i won't repeat what people have been saying. just wanted to add that my ds2 was a complete nightmare for the first 4 months of his life...and i could not have gotten through it without a Hug-a-bub sling. it's not for everyone, but it was a complete life-saver for my son.
i hope things have gotten a bit better for you, please let us know if there's anything we can do. xoxo
Thanks so much for all of your advice and thoughts.
Things are not going so fantastically still. I have been back in hospital where it was suggested that I simply express and bottle feed Shae so that we get "some enjoyment" out of her.
I tired for one feed but it was simply horrible watching my baby feed from a bottle and I felt just like a dairy cow (sorry no offense intended for those who EBM exclusively) I felt like such a failure.
I have had the LC out at my house and wouldn't you know it Shae feed perfectly from BOTH sides while she was out. I went into the BF clinic and finally someone else saw just what the feeding was like when the banshee takes over my baby.
We do think it is a bit more of a supply issue with the right side so in between a couple of day time feeds I am expressing for 10 min just to try yo boost it.
DH have been fighting no end which has increased the anxiety in the entire house hold and I am still feeling so emotional all of the time.
My parents have been less than supportive, after an incredibly tiring day Mum was working out this way and asked if it was ok to pop in. I said NO and told her we were out at the clinic all day and were going to be tired and need time that evening to rest etc. So she said how a neighbour had given her a present for Shae and she would just drop that in ...... Fine ........ I was in bed, I did get up to go to the toilet but I went straight back to bed because I was so exhausted (rather than going out to say hi and make small talk, Shae had also been difficult getting settled). Then I get a phone call from Dad asking me to call him back, I did and I copped an ear full about how selfish I am being and how terrible my attitude towards my mother is ......... I just told him to firetruck off and hung up on him - as if things were not stressful enough.
Anyways Its been an incredibly difficult week, I know some of you have sent me messages etc I really appreciate everything I am just so tired and deflated I barely have the energy to type this.
Must go and try to catch 40 winks before bub wakes hopefully we start to have some good nights and good feeds soon.
oh forgot - we're off to the drs tomorrow as well so we will be discussing pnd amongst a few other things ........ I honestly do love my baby and my husband deep deep down, I just cannot stand being around them when we're all tired and crying and angry all the time.
Nae - firstly, more hugs hun. you sound like you really need them at the moment.
you did the right thing telling your parents to go jump - this time is not about them. you're a new mum, you're trying to adapt to your new life, you have all these people convinced you won't cope and that's adding more pressure than you should be dealing with. just focus on yourselves right now. if you have developed PND, you'll get treatment. that's what the doctors are there to help you with.
my offer still stands hun - at any time. i know right now the last thing you'll be thinking of is having visitors, which i completely understand - but if you just need an ear, an extra set of arms, whatever, let me know. it can be very stressful when the only people you're seeing are too close to the situation and you can't let off steam due to them getting offended at things that you are just venting about
i am here, as is the rest of BB - anytime you need it
Oh god Nae, you sound totally normal!!! If you thrived in such an environment I would be worried . Of course you love your family, but this is a rough time you guys are going through. It's understandable that you don't feel over the moon.
Good on you for sticking up for yourself and your needs with your parents. Keep on being strong hun . And I totally hear what you're saying about the expressing thing.......I had to express as well as BF for months, and that was okay. But when it was suggested that I express and then feed the EBM instead of breastfeeding, well, we only lasted one feed too . It just felt so wrong, I know you understand what I mean. Hun, these people may be well-intentioned, but they obviously don't understand how important it is to you to be able to breastfeed your bubba. It sounds as though you have a good plan now though, and I hope that it helps things. If it doesn't, please don't feel discouraged, there will be something else out there that helps .
Thinking of you hun, and sending you lots of strength and support xoxo
Thinking of you Nae and DH. Just do what you need to and if that is retreating to your nest to sleep then so be it. I echo that this isn't about others, it is about you.
just offering big hugs 
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. Of course you love your family, but this is a rough time you guys are going through. It's understandable that you don't feel over the moon. 
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