When is there time for ME?????

[Willow]

That's a great point too Christine - it's pointless for me to think about or try to have say a whole morning or afternoon to myself. It's just not going to happen at the moment when DS is so little. So I take advantage of the hour or two I get a week and honestly, that's really enough to recharge!

I know that by the end of the year I'll be back at work 2 days and that's plenty of me time/time away.

[~Belinda~]

I go for long walks with my little one, she loves the stroller and goes to sleep in it, it really clears my mind.

My DP really helps though when he is not at work and I really believe you need that support. He'll even feed her and take her out of my hands so I can have a sleep in. He'll also do heaps of housework without being asked to do it. Can your hubby do that on weekends to give you a break? Also, can your hubby study when she is asleep at all and then when she is awake, take her out of your hands?

Support is the key, do you have relatives/friends around you that can babysit for half a day or something? Maybe then you can go and have some "YOU" time because that's so important in all of this and ensures a HAPPY MUMMY!

Best of luck.

[pansy]

I agree with what everyone has said...I am a mum to 19 month old twin girls and one of the first things my OB said to me after the birth was to make sure I get a bit of "me" time its so important..
Once a month I would catch up with a few girls from work and have a chat and gossip at our fave cafe for dinner...even if it was to duck to the shops for half an hour to grab some stuff for dinner while DH was with the girls..It was still some time for me..
i look at the big picture..this isnt going to be forever...

[AnyDream]

My DD1 was 9 months old when she started family day care - one afternoon a week...initially I felt an enormous wrench every time I left her, but to be honest we'd chosen a great carer and every time I left her and came back and found her happy, and with my energy boosted, it became easier and easier. I also believe it takes a village to raise a child, my FDC lady and her family were part of that village and DD thrived in her care.

I'm now in the throes of finding a FDC mum for DD2, who is 6 months old...in a few weeks, and given the right carer, I will be ready to leave her for a couple of hours at a time. This is part of a longer term plan since my DH often works away and may be absent for longer periods later this year. I recognise the need to recharge for my own mental health, so I'm not just surviving, but actually enjoying life. I hope you can find a solution that you are comfortable with.

[amberj]

I know this is an old thread, but I am reviving it because tonight I am feeling this question SO keenly.

I have a unique situation- DH and I run our business from home and the idea was that we would share child-care and work responsibilities. In reality at the moment, he does more office work and I do more child/home work. But it seems like his job ends and mine never does- NEVER. I feel like I am constantly "on call" for either my child or work. In the tiny amount of spare head space that I have, I try to maintain a marriage and its being put under a lot of strain. There is no time for me. No time when I am not thinking about someone or something else, always kind of 'on edge' waiting for the next thing I need do.

I just want to cry and cry and it feels like there is no-one to cry to. I know my DH is finding things hard too. He is working really hard and has very little time as well. I am so used to him being my support, being able to talk about things with him. Now it feels like he has nothing left to give me, and I feel like I have nothing left to give him. I miss him. I miss myself! I feel like I am very often emotional and I think my DH is sick of me bleating to him. I feel guilty adding more to his burdens.

Its really hard to afford a babysitter to try to get time together or time alone. How the hell do I do this? Will it get better? Part of the problem is that I seriously don't see how its going to change....its years before Peter goes to school and I'm not coping after 9 weeks!!! I know its still a time of adjustment, I am just having so much trouble with it and I feel very alone. Thankfully, my mothers group is starting soon and I am really looking forward to emotional and practical support there.

I know my situation is nothing new! Just after some words of encouragement and support!

[krysalyss]

Hi Jess. I really hear you. I am doing my PhD and my husband is finishing his undergrad and we have a 16 month old who we share care. We had him in daycare one day a week which he really enjoyed but pulled him out because when we had to move and his new one hasn't worked out. It isn't for everyone but our DS really loves it (or did when we had a great one) and even just one day helps to stay ahead. He gets exposed to lots of things that we don't really do at home. We started about 6 months though.
You also have to find something that is just yours. I am going to start painting because sometimes I am just mentally exhausted and I need something creative to absorb myself in. Exercise and proper nutrition is also really important for keeping up with the day to day - but is often the first thing to go unfortunately.
I can definitely say it gets a lot easier with time. As they get older it gets easier to go out, go to playgroups etc. Plus the whole adjustment to parenthood takes time in itself.
Make sure you get enough sleep and take time when you can to do something you enjoy. And keep an eye on how you are feeling as you may benefit from seeing a counselor or similar. I think many of us struggle with loss of self after having a child.
Big hugs. I hope this helps.

[Sueby]

fellow traveller -- I wish I had found BB 5 years ago. This time around it has been a huge support for me.
It is a huge adjustment 1st time around. Do what is right for you -- you will know what that is. But definately take some you time whatever that means for you!

Sue