I am so sorry you feel so alone. You are not alone in this - not the first mum to feel this way and certainly not the last, and I promise, it does not make you a bad mum!
It can be so so hard in the first few months, you are both strangers to one another, and they are so reliant on you, it really can be like you have lost yourself to this red, screaming creature. It will get better though, things will settle.
I think perhaps you need to have a chat with your GP or MCHN about how you are feeling. Your MCHN should certainly ask you how you are feeling, be honest with her - they are there to help and can, if you are honest with her. You could be living with PND and need some support.
If you are wanting some advice on the feeding, give the ABA helpline a call - 1800 MUM2MUM - they are fabulous to offer support and advice and even just an ear to let you know it is all normal.
There are so many women here who have lived through these feelings and come out the other side, and will all be here to offer you love understanding and support whenever and however often you need it, you are not alone.
I know the feeling of being so far from family and friends, and having no one close you can call upon or rely on And it sucks. The first months at home with DH away and so far from family was really really tough, and sometimes it still is. Fatigue can do crazy things to our minds and can exacerbate any issue to the extreme. Please speak to your doctor or MCHN and let them know what i going on with you, and talk to your DH - they often don't realise there is anything wrong or upsetting you and can be a real support when we are at our lowest.
You can and will get through this, and you will look at your gorgeous girl with all the love I know you feel for her, I promise.
The first few weeks can be really really hard, even when people have lots of support around. So when you don't have much family around, it has got to be tougher. Even though i knew i was having a bub, and had been getting ready for 9 months, nothing really prepared me for all the thoughts and feelings that would go through my head. And when i was not getting enough (much/any) sleep, it was so much harder to keep my thoughts 'normal'.
Bubs normally smile at around 5 or 6 weeks, and i reckon this is because this is about the toughest time for parents, and they need a pick me up to keep going. It will get better, you will feel the love for your little girl, and she will love you right back.
Please talk to the health nurse or a GP, and they can check that bub is ok and that you are doing ok too. The two of you have been through huge changes in just a short time, and sometimes you might need a bit of help to make the adjustments.
Have you had her checked for reflux hon? It sounds like she is crying A LOT more than normal and that is enough to drive anyone crazy! Some people have had good results from paediatric chiro or osteo too.
Many for you... Maybe there are some BB girls in your area who could help??
Hun, you are not a bad Mum.. The fact that you care enough to 'reach out' for help is a sign of that..
But I think you need to see a professional, for both you and DD.. The 1st few weeks are really hard, and if you are having issues with those, it bad times just never seem to go away.. You will get through this..
I know how you feel and felt the same with DS, the only advice I have is to really break it down - one day at a time, one hour a time, one feed at a time.
It took a few months before I could say that I liked him and he was over a year before I felt that 'bond' eveyone talks about. It was like I was on autopilot for most of his first year doing what I had to.
Is there someone you can speak to? we of course are here to help you debrief too.
i couldn't read & not post. big, squishy to you. i want to echo the PPs & say it could be worthwhile contacting your GP or MCHN & just talking through how you're feeling. sleep deprivation & the constant feeding/crying makes it hard to see that there's an end in sight/any chance of improvement but it does come, but you also need support to get there.
i don't know where you are, but if you're in melb & need a friendly ear (sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger) or someone to help clean/cook/give you a break or anything at all, PM me & i really really do mean that. i remember those first weeks & even with family support, i still felt completely out of my depth at times.
ETA - there's no official time within which you must like your baby - seems to me that for some it's instant & for others it may take months or a year or two. and it doesn't make you a bad mum if it takes you longer.
Massive i couldn't read and not post.
Your an amazing mum, your on a community like BB, your reaching our for some help and thats what matters.
I agree with the others that it might be good to go and see someone, even if it is your local GP, bubs could def have reflux or colic etc, does she take a dummy?
My DD wouldn't (still wont) and i have seriously felt at times like i could throw her through a wall, she would cry for no reason, feed constantly and i couldn't leave a room or put her on the floor.
Only recently have i noticed a change in her and that was when she has started solids, i don't know if it's helped settle her stomach or maybe she was hungry?
Have you tried supplementing 1 feed a day with formula, i haven't myself but i know someone people say it works for them when they have a bub that feeds a lot?
GL with it all, i hope someone has just the right advice for you!
And it sucks. The first months at home with DH away and so far from family was really really tough, and sometimes it still is. Fatigue can do crazy things to our minds and can exacerbate any issue to the extreme. Please speak to your doctor or MCHN and let them know what i going on with you, and talk to your DH - they often don't realise there is anything wrong or upsetting you and can be a real support when we are at our lowest.
You can and will get through this, and you will look at your gorgeous girl with all the love I know you feel for her, I promise.
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