I know how you feel and felt the same with DS, the only advice I have is to really break it down - one day at a time, one hour a time, one feed at a time.
It took a few months before I could say that I liked him and he was over a year before I felt that 'bond' eveyone talks about. It was like I was on autopilot for most of his first year doing what I had to.

Is there someone you can speak to? we of course are here to help you debrief too.