I want to word this so it doesnt come out the wrong way....

I think what can be cute at three or four or five, can be a real problem when they are 10, 13, 16....and beyond.

I agree with Jen that kids need to be able to voice their wants, needs, wishes, hurts, etc in a safe environment. But they need to be respectful and they also need to know that sometimes their wants, needs, etc are secondary to the group's wants, needs, etc. Often in life you just have to do "as you are told" even if you don't like it. You cant complain. You just have to suck it up.

There are a million situations where this is the case, for a million different reasons. I just think there is a balance between raising a child to think independently and raising a child who is going to encounter a lot of problems because they think their opinion or what they want should be the most important consideration for everyone else in the room.
n2l I actually agree with you and I don't think it's opposed to my original post? For sure I want DD to voice her needs in a respectful manner. It doesn't always happen because she's 3 right now so you can imagine, lol, but we encourage that. And there are times when it doesn't matter what she says, well we just have to do something. But I try to always take the time to listen to her. In our house I want my kids to feel that we are all equal. No one is more important that anyone else and what everyone needs matters. So that's what I was happy about iykwim, because I think it showed that she does think that way and is not afraid to speak up.

Sure there are times in life that there's no time for a big discussion and questioning but I think life will teach her that all too soon and she'll be off to school to learn all about it in no time. But at home I have time, and I can listen, and I hope she feels heard and respected and important.

BG- no, I'm enjoying the discussion whichever way it goes!