Parenting is a minefield and there are a million different ways to navigate it, I respect anybodies solution to the challenge but we are similar to you too Heaven! I don't want to force my children to respect me without question, I also don't think it would work well for us and if it did it would be for reasons we're not comfortable with. We model the things we want to see reflected in our children which means showing respect to gain respect and it works well here as my DD1 is really compliant when I don't give options because she has learnt that if I could, I would and if I can give options, I do. And even if we have to disagree and she has to follow what I say in a circumstance despite that, I try to always have the time to listen to her concerns and explain until she is more comfortable. Of course the way she does so is important and we definitely have boundaries on 'fair debate' which includes being respectful and mindful but we just don't see the fact she raises a disagreement in the default position of negative as long as it is done without screaming or insult etc just as we would expect during a disagreement between DP and myself or any other adult.

I think a child's thoughts, feelings and opinions are very real to them so are important to acknowledge. This is how my parents raised me and my brother and we were pretty decent teens (never touched drugs, never been drunk, rang when I was going to be late, was honest about who I was dating etc) so I'm not too worried yet. Of course I had moments of frustration and annoyance, everyone does, even adults do but I love looking back at the way I acted out of respect and not fear, I feel really proud of myself and I want that for my children too. I want them to look back on their choices and decisions and be able to own them instead of feeling like they were forced into complying from negative emotions, threats of punishment, fear or even reward, I don't see any benefit to that and it feels like manipulation rather than teaching to me. I parent in a similar way that I write a novel... the ever famous; show, don't tell. Even now I am really close to my parents, I hope my children will continue to be close with me too; we like to sicken each other with the saying 'family by circumstance, friends by choice' lol.

For what it is worth Clover, I've often told DD we can't get something because we don't have enough money for that at the moment without the need to explain the specifics of why because we try to teach her that money isn't endless, if she asks why then I try to explain where money has been spent lately. My parents did this too and it is one thing I am really thankful for because I feel it gave me a healthy outlook to money, I've never had a credit card or loan or debt because I understand sometimes you have to wait and be patient and save for things, sometimes you cannot afford things because other things take priority and that's a reality of life.