Wow!
Your DD sounds really full on. Big hugs. Its very tiring to have such full on children.
What good things does your daughter like to do?
I find DS1 can get out of control when hes not semi directed in his activities. If her starts to play up I start to do things he loves to do (lucky he likes to vacuum and mop the floors) or we get everybody out of the house and go for a walk in a park with a ball where both kids can run round.
If Im working I will get him to draw or practice writing his numbers etc. helping with baking or cooking helps.

We also have "the naughty chair". When this 1st came in I had to almost hold them on it for 2 mins and ignore the screams and hits, now- a few months later, they both will just go and sit on it.

If we are out and they play up we go back to the car and go home. then no dvds/ cds or favourite toy for the rest of the day.

We found we have to eliminate the times they can play up, give instant punishment but relax at the same time. When my kids see they are pushing my buttons they get worse.

I have cried infront of my kids before, and when they asked what was wrong, I said today you are too naughty. (might have to pay for therapy when they are older for that) but it made them think alittle. gave them a shock.

Its hard work hun. Chin up and hang in there