Is it selfish to want a big family if you aren't rich?

[Hollybolly]

I don't think its about being selfish or rich... I think its about you personally and what your expectations/limits/lifestyle/choices are.

DH & I have always wanted a big family - many hurdles to this stage (with IVF) but we're on track now
We'll look at trying for #3 around this time next year... we would prob have started trying already if we didn't need the help of IVF and its $6500 a try price tag

We're on the same page as far as wanting to have me at home permanently... we're lucky we have a business that can provide for us to do that financially... but at the same time, we've made a few changes in choices recently.

For example - DS1 starts high school next year & we have had him enrolled for a private school - the fees are really pricey, but for him and our situation, this school is whats best for him in our opinion.
To be able to afford to send him & for me to stay at home, something has to give, and so we're looking at moving house soon and dropping our weekly rent to free up a little money.

We choose to rent for now, as a mortgage would mean for me to need to work... and whilst the 'Great Australian Dream' of owning your own home is fantastic, for us, we've prioritised and Lukes schooling and me to be a stay at home parent is more important right now.

There are many other things as well... these are examples - but you get the point!

DH & I used to live quite a lavish lifestyle when it was just Luke and before 8yrs of IVF treatment, lol.... and whilst we don't live it up like we did, we still live quite nicely.

I think its important to weigh up what you want as far as a bigger picture, and find the balance... whatever works for you.

DH & I still go away every year for our anniversary, we still have lovely things, the boys don't miss out.... but we do live on the coast, which is not what we both would choose if money wasn't a concern.
We used to live in Neutral Bay in Sydney which is ridiculously expensive & pretentious... but we loved it
The decision to have a big family does not allow for living in Neutral Bay though, I'm afraid
So we moved up here and found the balance... still close enough to the city to be able to visit friends and shop in decent areas - just an hour drive on the freeway rather than sitting in traffic

Its not a secret we both struggle a little with living here, but we have a nice house and a backyard with a pool & a dog, and room for everything... as opposed to being squished & limited in a unit in the city...

Its worth the sacrifice though for whats more important to us

A lot of rambling, but hoping you see my point

[angelaartsstudent]

I agree re it being worth the sacrifice.

DH was earning nearly $90 000 a year and I was earning just over $55 000 at one point so we had a great child free life!

Alas, it is no more. Jobs change, situations change etc.

We now live in a tiny flat/unit with no money and less gadgets/toys/holidays/lavish items/fancy food and booze.....but we're probably happier. We spend more time at home together, going to parks and playgrounds and generally spend more time together than we did when we were well off!

[*Ang*]

Is it selfish to want a big family if you aren't rich?

Ok, deep breath, here goes my answer to the OP's question. I preclude it by saying that my intention is not to offend but this is my personal opinion.

Yes it is selfish to want a big family if you cannot afford them. No it is not necessary to be "rich" but I do believe it is necessary to have some sort of financial stability. If you know that you are unable to afford the basics and will struggle with an additional child I really and truley believe it is selfish to have another one just because "I want a large family" or "it is my right to have children".

I read on here and hear stories of families who cry broke and cannot afford something eg $20 because something has broken, or their child needs new shoes and they cannot afford them. The next thing you know they are pregnant with no xyz. Do people think that their financial situation will get better with each subsequent child?? Are they naive or plain stupid? I have no sympathy at all.

I am sorry if that opinion offends, but I come from a family where the basics were always provided for and some luxuries were, but not many. After seeing my mum and dad sometimes scrimping for some items and seeing the distress that financial hardship placed upon them, I have always vowed not to do the same to my children. Hence the reason why I believe if you cant afford them dont have them (children that is).

And yes money is not the be all and end all of life, and neither are lavish items. But lets all not put heads in the sand, love and affection are certainly the most valued things in our family but having the basics and a bit more certainly make life more comfortable, more easier and there are no arguements re financial problems like my parents had therefore mum and dad are happier and so are kids.

[angelaartsstudent]

I do agree that people need to really and truly THINK about their financial situation before getting knocked up again and again and again. I have known too many families who don't.

DH would NOT have asked for another baby if we couldn't afford it. As I said above...I don't have to go back to work if I don't want to, but I DO want to very very much (not for financial reasons...just becuase I am going braindead lol). There is no way I would ever have a second child if I HAD to go back to work within 4 weeks of the baby being born and work 2 jobs to make ends meet.

I do not think it is selfish to *want* a large family, but it is when you clearly have absolutley NO way in the world of affording it. It's not fair to the kids.

[onthefly]

Ang, I agree, you do need to be financially responsible. But that doesn't mean you need to be rich. There are lots of things we spend money on (with or without kids) that are not really necessary.
Family is definitely more important to me than material possessions, and I also don't think a private education is necessary. Although we're not earning big bucks, we can forgo all the unecessary things and support a bigger family.

[KimB]

I'm having #6 and we certainly aren't rich. DF is a teacher and while his salary is adequate we don't have luxury items. I'm a SAHM but I will have 3 children 4 and under when Frogglette is born. For holidays we go camping and the kids love the adventure. We still have some take away meals but not all the time but we can afford to pay our mortgage, buy food and pay the bills with some left over. DF always wanted a big family and that is what he got

[Pretty Butterfly]

Sweets, you defiantly DONT have to be rich, I can attest to that!!!

But I agree with most here, you DO need a stable income. Centrelink wont cut it.

We are very lucky now, we both work from home!! So we get to get by with only average money, and be home with our little ones. We love it.

Our kids do go to a Catholic school, but its not too pricey up here, and it gets paid in installments. So easy to do.

They do get hand me downs, but end of season clearouts are awesome too!!

I would never change it. They dont need all these toys and crap, they always have someone to play with!
And everyone wants to be at our house.. its bigger, and already has a party of people in it, so fun times!!
Holidays are awesome, and cabins are so so cheap.
Having a big family can be done easily, you just need to be smart about it.

It can be done babe, good luck with your larger than average family, it ROCKS!!!!!!


If you have any specific questions sweets, ask away!!! xoxoxo