Is it selfish to want a big family if you aren't rich?

[*Ang*]

Is it selfish to want a big family if you aren't rich?

Ok, deep breath, here goes my answer to the OP's question. I preclude it by saying that my intention is not to offend but this is my personal opinion.

Yes it is selfish to want a big family if you cannot afford them. No it is not necessary to be "rich" but I do believe it is necessary to have some sort of financial stability. If you know that you are unable to afford the basics and will struggle with an additional child I really and truley believe it is selfish to have another one just because "I want a large family" or "it is my right to have children".

I read on here and hear stories of families who cry broke and cannot afford something eg $20 because something has broken, or their child needs new shoes and they cannot afford them. The next thing you know they are pregnant with no xyz. Do people think that their financial situation will get better with each subsequent child?? Are they naive or plain stupid? I have no sympathy at all.

I am sorry if that opinion offends, but I come from a family where the basics were always provided for and some luxuries were, but not many. After seeing my mum and dad sometimes scrimping for some items and seeing the distress that financial hardship placed upon them, I have always vowed not to do the same to my children. Hence the reason why I believe if you cant afford them dont have them (children that is).

And yes money is not the be all and end all of life, and neither are lavish items. But lets all not put heads in the sand, love and affection are certainly the most valued things in our family but having the basics and a bit more certainly make life more comfortable, more easier and there are no arguements re financial problems like my parents had therefore mum and dad are happier and so are kids.

[angelaartsstudent]

I do agree that people need to really and truly THINK about their financial situation before getting knocked up again and again and again. I have known too many families who don't.

DH would NOT have asked for another baby if we couldn't afford it. As I said above...I don't have to go back to work if I don't want to, but I DO want to very very much (not for financial reasons...just becuase I am going braindead lol). There is no way I would ever have a second child if I HAD to go back to work within 4 weeks of the baby being born and work 2 jobs to make ends meet.

I do not think it is selfish to *want* a large family, but it is when you clearly have absolutley NO way in the world of affording it. It's not fair to the kids.

[onthefly]

Ang, I agree, you do need to be financially responsible. But that doesn't mean you need to be rich. There are lots of things we spend money on (with or without kids) that are not really necessary.
Family is definitely more important to me than material possessions, and I also don't think a private education is necessary. Although we're not earning big bucks, we can forgo all the unecessary things and support a bigger family.

[KimB]

I'm having #6 and we certainly aren't rich. DF is a teacher and while his salary is adequate we don't have luxury items. I'm a SAHM but I will have 3 children 4 and under when Frogglette is born. For holidays we go camping and the kids love the adventure. We still have some take away meals but not all the time but we can afford to pay our mortgage, buy food and pay the bills with some left over. DF always wanted a big family and that is what he got

[Pretty Butterfly]

Sweets, you defiantly DONT have to be rich, I can attest to that!!!

But I agree with most here, you DO need a stable income. Centrelink wont cut it.

We are very lucky now, we both work from home!! So we get to get by with only average money, and be home with our little ones. We love it.

Our kids do go to a Catholic school, but its not too pricey up here, and it gets paid in installments. So easy to do.

They do get hand me downs, but end of season clearouts are awesome too!!

I would never change it. They dont need all these toys and crap, they always have someone to play with!
And everyone wants to be at our house.. its bigger, and already has a party of people in it, so fun times!!
Holidays are awesome, and cabins are so so cheap.
Having a big family can be done easily, you just need to be smart about it.

It can be done babe, good luck with your larger than average family, it ROCKS!!!!!!


If you have any specific questions sweets, ask away!!! xoxoxo

[Trillian]

What constitutes a 'big' family now though? For some it will be 3 kids, for others it is 4, 5, 6 or even more. I don't considered our 4 child family large at all. If we had 5 kids I would think it would be large. I think the key to this is deciding what is important to you and what your priorities are - if it is having a large family with loads of noise and people as opposed to having less children and an overseas holiday each year, then that's entirely fine either way. However, I do think that if you are having children that the financial decision to have more should be based on how you can financially support with WITHOUT FTB. We don't even factor our FTB into our budget and DH earns enough that we can survive quite nicely without it, but if we added another child to the family then we would start to feel a little financial strain. I say this because you cannot predict what will happen with this in the future. What if the Govt becomes completely broke, and I mean really broke and they have to start cutting back the money? If your entire existence is supported by what you get from c'link, then I really think that maybe having more children isn't the best idea until there is more financial stability ITMS.

[*Ali*]

I don't think you have to be rich- It is character building for children to learn about neccessities and wants, nobody 'needs' the latest everything, labelled clothes, lavish holidays etc, it is nice for children to learn about saving for things we want.
However, having said that I do agree with Ang- you have to be able to afford the basics, if you can't make ends meet to pay your rent, buy food and pay the bills, then you probably can't afford to have another child- because all the love in the world is not going to pay for your electricity or buy food for your children.
Sadly I have worked with some of the kids that Angelaartsstudent is refferring too, whose parents have more children for the baby bonus- who get paid their centrelink, go and buy their alcohol and cigarettes, buy the family take away and then the kids go without food for the rest of the week- those really are the people who shouldn't be having more kids.

So like everyone says, it's about balance, if you are covering you basics and you are prepared to sacrafice material possessions- then sure why not have a large family, it is an each to their own kinda situation. For me, I don't want to be rich, but I am happy with 3 kids and knowing that we have enough money to do the things we want to do.

[turtleschell]

I'm glad to see that most people seem to share the same view as me.
We live simply, and there's no reason why our kids can't live simply too.
So to all the big families; do you manage to enrol each child in one activity? (Ballet, piano, drama..?) Coz I guess that's my main thing. I think it's important to provide the opportunity for each child to develop a passion for something that most primary schools don't really nurture. And also a place to make friends outside of school. I really wanted this as a child and missed out.

[sasha]

We began with wanting four, and I'm thinking that three might be enough for us (M is convinced I'll change my mind... but I'm not so sure! We'll see!) In the end, the decision for us to limit our children was not financial, but emotional. We'll always be able to find the money somehow, but it comes down to being able to spend quality time with each one, and really having enough 'me' to go around for them, and for M, and for myself. I think possibly more than three would stretch that, but as I said, that isn't set in stone. I need to have time to be able to really enjoy my children, and I don't think I could do that if I had more than 4 - that's just me, though.

Also, I would like to work a little outside the work I do here at home. That may mean paid work from home, but more likely it will be going back to teaching, which I really enjoy. I'm a more balanced and happier person when I can get away and 'work' than when I spend all my time at home. Having more children means that puts the working off for just that few extra years, which would make me a bit sad.

So I guess it's not selfish to want a big family any more than it's selfish to want a smaller one. It's finding a way that works for you. There are always going to be people who think that having an only child is akin to a capital offence, and others who would curse you black and blue if you have more than two - you can't win!!

[Indadhanu]

I don't think it's selfish to want a big family if you don't have a lot of money. Just like I don't think it's selfish only have one child if you do have a lot of money. If you can look after your family, give them what you feel is important for them to have, teach them what you feel is important for them to learn, live the way you want to live, then there's not really much more than that is it? As long as you know how you're going to do it, and your kids have the important things: roof over their heads, food in their belly, clothes to wear, a place to sleep, are happy, and they have the knowledge that they are loved, then that's what matters right?

I'd have a big family, if only sperm wasn't so expensive.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

Personally we have said we don't want any more children and yes money is a BIG factor.
It's not about sending them to private schools or giving them everything they want but it's about surviving and providing as much as we can in the way of life experiences.

At the moment we struggle (thats with only 2) and i have said i would much prefer to give as much as i can to the 2 i have to regret having more and never being able to do anything later on.

I would like to think i am not a materialistic person, i do like having nice things but that said i'm wearing the same clothes now as before DD1 was born so that she can have nice clothes and books etc.

I think it depends on your situation, i personally think my XSIL was selfish, she had 3 kids to 3 dads, has never worked a day in her life and has been more than happy to live off welfare and at the time my brother working his butt off.
Now yes my partner works his butt off and i am on welfare BUT we struggle, i WANT to go back to work and i don't expect tax payers to fund my lifestyle for the next 9yrs (yep thats how old her oldest is).

If you have the means to provide for more children then i say go for it, if we had the proper amount of money to do it then i don't think i'd say no to more.. i don't thin you need to be RICH i just think you need to be good with money

just my 2 cents