I think giving her choices is really good. I give my daughter the opportunity to chose as often as I can. I keep thinking that she's an individual and has her own ideas about things so if its not important stuff like which t-shirt to wear, then it gives her a feeling of control & is absolutely nothing to me.

To me, I think you're doing it just right. Compromise is good, if you can negotiate for what you want her to do, then great. If she does A she can have / do B. As long as there are consequences when she doesn't do A then you're not setting her up to be spoilt or giving her too much control.

Not all kids are compliant & passive, I think you just have to keep going with what works for your DD's personality type. Just remember that headstrong & determined are really positive character traits that will stand her in good stead throughout her life.