Olive, I agree with everyone else. The way your parenting her is the right thing for her. Some kids are very 'go with the flow' and do whatever you ask, follow the crowd etc. Some kids need to be involved in their decisions; like my Ds1 who is 4. He constantly wants explanations as to what choices he has and why. I find if I discuss with him "You can have/do/eat option A or option B because blah blah blah" then its minimal fuss and a happy outcome for us all. If I demand something of him "Eat option A or else" then he has a meltdown. And obviously we've all worked out we can do it and keep some control

My Ds2 is a gone to far option of what you've described, due to his many issues even having choices doesnt work for him and often we have to defer to him and give him whatever he wants, even if the other kids have to give in for it. I hate doing it but at the moment it avoids WW3 until we can get some help as to how to cope with him.