Wow, what a journey you've started!
Welcome to our wonderfully diverse community
Maybe you could text the fella that he has fathered a child when you start announcing? The child will have a right to know its parentage and if you don't tell daddy, you will likely set yourself up for some resentment later on, for not giving daddy a chance to be involved. He doesn't have to be super involved, but to maintain some sort of contact will become important to the wellbeing of your baby. You don't have to be with him. You just need to consider that he is part of it, you can work out just how he fits in later, if he wants no part, then you've done your bit and you can be done with him
Think about how the child will feel as an adult with a family of its own and not being able to explain part of the family history.
Mate, the sooner that you can wrap your head around the fact that life will be about more than just your interests, the better you will feel as you progress through the pregnancy! Just 'give it up' to the baby for a while...it's strangely a good feeling to give over to a little person, and it doesn't 'spoil' them...I hope!
I am so glad you came across Belly Belly - there are many support networks, articles and links to resources that intend to give you as much control as you're ever going to have over your body and birth experience. I don't care what your leanings are (lesbian, communist, left-handed, etc!), as a preggy woman, you're among equals, cos we've all been touched by a little bunch of cells, or waiting to be.
Have a great appointment tomorrow at the BC! I LOVE BC's.
Oh, and Congratulations!!!
ETA: I love your username! It makes perfect sense!
Last edited by Smoke Jaguar; March 26th, 2007 at 11:20 AM.
WOW
Thanks for all the replies! it's amazing how less alone I feel - not wanting to tell many people until the 12th week. I'm not really sure if I'm replying to the thread or directly to IK under whose post I clicked on "quick reply".
IK - You're right, he needs to know. Bugger! I am a pretty family oriented person and I DO really want the child to know the father, he is a lovely man and I really like him as a person - though I dont know him THAT well. It's just that I had a really bad experience with my last pregnancy. I had started a rebound relationship (from my last girlfriend), very open about the fact that I was re-bounding and ALSO desperate to have children and identifying as a lesbian. I told him I would under no circumstances had a termination if I should accidently fall pregnant. I warned him to always use condoms, that my body was asking for a baby and thats why we were having sex. He didn't want kids and we used condoms. We were together for about 3 months before I moved back to melbourne, and continued seeing eachother as he came to melbourne twice for work in the following year. I was busy and not seeing anyone else. The condom broke once and in the following three days forgot to take the morning after pill. (I was working 16 hours a day, moved into a new house and looking after my dog).
He blamed me for now ruining his life if I didn't terminate. He told me that the baby would be spastic because my genes were all screwed up, I can't begin to tell you how hellish it was knowing that I was going to be related to him for the rest of my life!!!! He had changed so dramatically from being what appeared to be a caring gentle man into a werewolf and I am scared it will happen again.
I think it is a good idea to text him if the little one is still alive at 12 weeks. I am still scared about his reaction. Either he will blame me for ruining his life, or he will get some false sense of duty and want to have a relationship with me and be the perfect father. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be forced to be a father - if only in name. sigh.
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