thanks, girls ... my own little doula posse! I might have to take someone up on the offer, for the next appointment, and see if it helps.

sorry to hear about your experiences, LMS ... that bites. I hope you're recovering too.

my counselling is going really well, and I'm making good progress. It just takes time.

I really thought I'd be ok in a different hospital, but apparently not.

The midwife was really, really lovely, and spent about an hour with me, talking things through, being really upfront when things came up that she couldn't answer and I'd need to speak to the Dr about, etc. That was helpful, because lines and boundaries and experience was very clear, and I could see she was helping me to manage my expectations which is important for me at the moment.

And the Dr was not exactly lovely, but very upfront and honest and straightforward, and explained how long the stay would normally be, but that I could go home earlier if I needed to and I and the baby were ok, etc. And she explained a few key differences about c-sections compared with vaginal births (eg: normally can't feed straight away, but they can usually get the baby to you in recovery within an hour, etc ... things which I obviously didn't like to hear, but I am pleased she was honest, so I don't have unrealistic expectations, and I can start thinking about what I'm most keen to work at - like holding and feeding him/her as soon as possible).

My next appointment is in 4 weeks, and I'm thinking maybe I should take a buddy. It's a Tuesday, so I might call on you, Ocean!

I'm also seriously thinking about taking a week of work after we announce, and just spending time processing and journalling and praying. I know I can't fix everything in a week, but it at least will give me a chance to try. I want to be able to enjoy this pregnancy, and not have by entire life seem as if it's through the filter of my birth injury ...

And with multiple children, multiple siblings, ageing parents and parents in law etc, I can't go through life bursting into tears everytime I go into a hospital.

And again ... this isn't me. I don't like it. Something's got to give.

Thanks all for listening