Bridesmaid 2 weeks after due date..is it possible?

[sydney moose]

Hello belly buddies,

Am new here and hoping someone can help making a decision...
1st pregancy and so far so good and hubby and I are ecstatic as we have been trying for just under a year now and we finally got lucky.
However, that's a sidetrack from my issue.
Back in Feb this year, I was asked to be a bridesmaid for our best friend's wedding next Valentine's day. I of couse said yes and we both knew that there would be a high chance that I would be pregnant for the wedding, what we did not plan was this.

My due date is Feb 1st... so you can all understand the problems I am facing.
Will I even be able to be at the wedding? I mean, Feb 1st is the EARLIEST due date, I have a feeling it will be more like 4th or 5th as my cycles have been a bit irregular and more along the 31 days than the 28's....

As it is my first bub, I've got no idea as to how my body is going to change ( so the dress is a fun challenge too) but more so, with breastfeeding etc, am I dreaming to think that I might be able to just have the baby close by with a member of family and perhaps do the backs and forth for feeding or extract some milk the week before?

I don't want to go back onto my word and would looooooooove to be all part of it, but I'd rather say something now ( I'm in week 7 and she is aware I am pregnant, as I had to tell her because of dress measurements as dress is being made overseas) if everyone tells me I am kidding myself that I will even want to be out of the house and not sleeping...

Help???

Thanks

Sydney Moose

[Visitor7]

DH and I went to wedding 2 weeks after I had our first daughter, but it was hard work, and we could only attend the ceremony, not the reception, as I was too tired, and needed to feed her. Being in the bridal party is going to quite full on, on the day. And you've also got to think about the possibilty that you might go overdue, and may still be in hospital recovering from the birth! Me personally, I would turn down the offer.
And welcome to BellyBelly, and congratulations on your pregnancy!

[Mrs P]

My SIL was due ON our wedding day! Though she didn't tell us at the time. Her other 2 kids were in our bridal party. (She wasn't a BM though).

SHe actually got induced a week early, and was there at the wedding all day. Like i said, not a BM so not as full on as that.

If you have family support I think you could do it.

[Kitt3n]

After my daughter was born i was still letting pretty much every call go to voicemail when whe was 2 weeks old, let alone getting to a wedding, let alone being part of the bridal party!

Personally i wouldnt do it.

but that's me, this is you!

[Lisa]

Even if you do have bub's on your due date, you still have things like bleeding and leaking breasts to think about too. Might not be the best look in your gorgeous dress.
The other thing is, and I hate to say it, but what if something happens and you need a C-sect? You can't lift anything for around 6 weeks after, so I am sure that standing around posing for pics, and doing bridesmade type things might be horrid if that were the case.

[Boo Boo]

I think you will be putting too much pressure on yourself to be bridesmaid - those first few works are all about focusing on yourself and your baby - getting to know your baby and getting as much rest as you can yourself. It would be very hard, I know I couldn't have done it.
Good luck with your decision.
Laurin

[JordieC]

I agree with all the others - it I think it would be too much stress on you. Maybe you could offer to do a reading so that if you have to pull out it's not hard to get a replacement.

[Hoody]

I was in a similar situation. My twin sis was getting married close to my due date. I declined her invitation to be a BM. I do feel i missed out and am guilty at not been there for her but in my case i did end up having an emergency CS and i went 12 days past my EDD so the birth was even closer to the wedding than i thought. Personally i dont think i could have done it and if i had said yes i think i would have ended up letting her down which would have been worse than saying no in the first place.
Hoody

[LoveKnowsNoBounds]

You may be two weeks overdue and not be in any mood to be a BM! Or you could be in hospital while the wedding is on. I was supposed to be in a bridal party one week before my DS was due, I pulled out of the wedding, it actually wasn't an option once I was pregnant as my friend didn't want the hassle of worrying about me as well as her big day.

DS came two weeks early. My husband was the best man, it was my friend marrying his brother!! and we had to leave the hospital one day early (as I wanted my husband to come home with us and the day after was the wedding day) and I ended up going to the ceremony only as it was around the corner from home. It was utterly exhausting just doing that and I would recommend not to go in it. Newborns need to feed every hour or two, maybe three and they don't give much warning. Just a giant scream! Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Willow]

Don't do it!! It's way too much so close to your due date.

We went to a wedding when DD was 4 weeks old, not in the bridal party and we stayed the night at the venue so I had a room to feed, change, etc in and it was REALLY hard work.

I was a BM when DD was 5 months, was still breastfeeding and even that was hard work.

[Tannis]

I went 3 days over my due date with DS, natural delivery and I was out shopping within 5 days of his birth, not nearly as full on as a wedding but if all goes well with the birth i think it could be do-able if you have a family member to look after the baby while you do your BM thing and your partner there for support. Make sure you have some good breast pads in and spares and lots and lots of toilet breaks for the bleeding. The problem will be that you don't know how the birth will go or how you will cope with a newborn, could your friend have a backup BM if things don't go to plan? Having the dresses made though might be an issue with that......

Congratulations on your pregnancy, welcome to BB and Good luck with your decision

[vjay]

Congrats on your news S.M.
Another thing to consider is whether you will be sleep deprived at the time. Getting into a routine may take a while & you may not have the energy.
Just another thought.
Goodluck with your decision.
vjay

[didispunk]

I was in a wedding 11 days after my due date.. I had the baby and not a problem.. Newborns "normally" sleep then anyways.. you will be totally fine!! BELIVE ME.. enjoy all will work out either way!

[Curly]

Up until last month I was going to be my best friend's bridesmaid 6 weeks after the birth of this bub (my 2nd pregnancy). My friend has now decided to elope and I must say that I was incredibly relieved although I didn't tell her that!

Firstly you need to consider that your pregnancy may go over 40 weeks so there is a very good chance that you will be very fresh out of hospital, still learning to breastfeed and almost certainly will be having to contend with regular trips to the loo to change your maternity pads. Will the ceremony have toilet facilities nearby? Bub itself probably will be fine and will sleep much of the time and there will be any amount of people dying to have a cuddle. It's how you yourself will cope that you need to seriously consider.

Anyway, here's what I was starting to mentally plan - might be food for thought for you to decide whether you're up to it.

I told her that I needed a dress that would accommodate a maternity bra (and nursing pads) so therefore couldn't be backless or strapless. Also it couldn't be very fitted over the tummy and hips because I had no idea how much I would shrink. Going by last time I was going to guesstimate a size 14 (I am normally a 10-12). And a larger cup size in the breast too than normal. And I was going to have several sizes of super duper body shaping pantyhose on standby. Wear big comfy granny knickers (the kind with the high waist and low leg).

Bub would have to be with me during all the preparations for getting the bridal party ready so that I could breastfeed if needed. DH would have to be on standby to take Bub to the ceremony and would probably have to be around during the photos as well, just in case. Armed with a nappy bag with plenty of nappies, changes of clothes, muslins for Bub to chuck up on rather than everybody's nice outfits etc etc. Not to mention changes of underwear for yourself. You may want to plan to have a change of clothes for yourself for the reception.

Be prepared to leave early, once the formalities are over. I felt incredibly fragile both physically and emotionally right after my first baby and I wasn't expecting that. I am prepared for that this time around. I also had a fairly difficult birth, with a forceps delivery, which meant it was very uncomfortable for me to sit for long periods, I kind of spent the first 2 weeks of DS' life reclining on my side or sitting on rolled up towels to take the pressure off my perineum.

Be prepared to not enjoy the day at all. It sounds awful but despite all the support from friends and family, it will probably be your first public performance as a mummy and you WILL feel incredibly pressured to look as though you are holding it all together and coping wonderfully. There will be lots of people wanting to give you advice which is the last thing you need when you are such a new parent.

Personally - I think 2 weeks post due date is a bit sharp in terms of timing. I would bow out of the bridal party and say that you will plan to come to the wedding. That way, if you do feel that it will be too much, you won't really be letting your friend down if cancel at the last minute.

ETA: As your milk supply will still be getting established you can't count on being able to express milk beforehand - your breasts may be too tender to cope with it. You will need to be prepared to breastfeed fairly publicly - you don't know what kind of facilities the reception venue will have. If you think you will feel shy about it, this might be the nail in the coffin, so to speak. And a newborn will take about 45 minutes to complete a feed.

Sorry for the long post - this is all stuff you need to consider. I know it's not an easy decision to turn down being BM for your bestie.

[sydney moose]

Wow, thanks so much to everyone for the great advice.. Decision is not quite made yet but your information has brought a lot of information I had not thought of beforehand.

Looks like DH and I will have to sit down tonight and discuss this seriously as he is the best man as well which will only make it more difficult. Luckily, my MIL and SFIL will both be at the wedding and may be able to support me a little as hubby won't be able to but the reception is not in a hotel, it's at a surf club and that only makes things more difficult as I won't have a room to go back to but was going to have a chat to the surf club and see if they can be of any help at all.

Thanks so much for your feedback and keep it coming if anyone has any other suggestions or thoughts. I'll obviously need to sit down with my friend (bride) as I am not sure she is understanding the full implications of what me being a bridesmaid and a new mum at the same time and all your replies will help us make a decision...

Thanks for all the warm welcome and congratulations, it's so hard when you can't tell anyone!!!! and believe me if you knew me, you knew how hard this really is for me

Moose

[Ginger]

hi moose

just wanted to add my 2c worth
i actually gave birth to my ds 13 days after my due date, so there's no way i could have done it. i also couldn't hav handled being a bridesmaid 2 weeks after that. the first few weeks are just way too full on. you'll most likely be working hard to establish breastfeeding and getting to know your baby and yourself as a mother.
have you considered just going to the wedding as a guest but not a bridesmaid? in my honest opinion, that's what i would do in your situation.

[~breeze~]

Hi moose, congrats on your pregnancy!!!

I am pretty much agreeing with most of the other replies with saying if I were in your shoes I'd turn down the BM position & just go as a guest if able to when the time comes.

Something you have to really think about is if you go over due which is quite common in first pregnancies, then at best you may have only been out of hospital a few days. My DD was 8 days overdue, I had a complication free vaginal birth & was out shopping the day I left the hospital with my 4 day old DD. So I agree that is everything goes smoothly you will most likely be up to attending a wedding BUT being part of the wedding is a whole other story....

What if for some reason you're overdue & then complications arise meaning you need an emergency c/s (hopefully this wont happen, but it COULD). This would mean you'd most likely be in hospital or fresh out of hospital when the big day arrives.

When I had DD the lady in the room next to mine had needed a c/s & she was on morphine for the pain, I have heard this can be quite common. Most of the c/s mums in my ward were very slowly walking around, bent over due to their pain. I cant imagine this simply stopping within a week? I may be wrong but cant imagine it.

Also I know when my DD was newborn my maternal instinct (I guess thats what you call it?) went into over-drive & I needed to know she was ok, being watched, warm enough etc etc so I think you may be very distracted thinking about your new baby while you're supposed to be focused on the bride, so that may not be fair to the bride as it will be "her day" & if she's nervous will need her BM's there to help her.

I just think there are too many possible scenarios being so close to your due date. I personally wouldn't take the risk.

With being just a guest you will be able to quietly sneek to the back to comfort your screaming newborn if it starts screaming, you will be able to discretely breast feed during the ceremony if needed, you can sit down & rest as much as you like/need, you can leave early if needed... it will be so much more relaxing as a guest.

Good luck in making a decision, its a hard one to make as there are no guarantees in pregnancy for due dates etc.

I hope I helped

[sneakysparkle]

Hi moose - first of all - congrats and welcome to BB!

Now to the matter at hand... well my sister got married when my first bub was 5 wks old and I was a bridesmaid for her - I reluctantly said yes after much consideration. My DH was also in the bridal party so was a similar situation you may be in!

The morning of was ok, getting ready I had mum there to look after bub and I fed her just before we went off to the church - halfway through the ceremony though DD was hungry though and cried hysterically so my other sister missed most of the wedding to look after her! It was awful for me, I couldn't enjoy it as I was worried about bub the whole time, and "should I just go feed her" etc etc.

Straight after the ceremony I had to sit in the mothers room at the church half naked because I couldn't feed in the dress my sis had picked It took ages to feed her too, it usually takes longer in the early days!

I got changed for the reception (I refused to get half naked there!) and was completely exhausted! Luckily it wasn't a formal do so my responsibilities were over by then so I could just relax with DD.

Now, that was 5 weeks after her birth, and that was hard enough! I also went to a wedding as a guest when she was only 2wks old - the ceremony was fine, she just slept through the whole thing, the reception was ok - I had a room to myself that I could feed etc in - I was just in there for most of the night! So whatever you decide, prepare to miss out on some stuff...

All the best with your decision