Bridesmaid 2 weeks after due date..is it possible?

[Curly]

Up until last month I was going to be my best friend's bridesmaid 6 weeks after the birth of this bub (my 2nd pregnancy). My friend has now decided to elope and I must say that I was incredibly relieved although I didn't tell her that!

Firstly you need to consider that your pregnancy may go over 40 weeks so there is a very good chance that you will be very fresh out of hospital, still learning to breastfeed and almost certainly will be having to contend with regular trips to the loo to change your maternity pads. Will the ceremony have toilet facilities nearby? Bub itself probably will be fine and will sleep much of the time and there will be any amount of people dying to have a cuddle. It's how you yourself will cope that you need to seriously consider.

Anyway, here's what I was starting to mentally plan - might be food for thought for you to decide whether you're up to it.

I told her that I needed a dress that would accommodate a maternity bra (and nursing pads) so therefore couldn't be backless or strapless. Also it couldn't be very fitted over the tummy and hips because I had no idea how much I would shrink. Going by last time I was going to guesstimate a size 14 (I am normally a 10-12). And a larger cup size in the breast too than normal. And I was going to have several sizes of super duper body shaping pantyhose on standby. Wear big comfy granny knickers (the kind with the high waist and low leg).

Bub would have to be with me during all the preparations for getting the bridal party ready so that I could breastfeed if needed. DH would have to be on standby to take Bub to the ceremony and would probably have to be around during the photos as well, just in case. Armed with a nappy bag with plenty of nappies, changes of clothes, muslins for Bub to chuck up on rather than everybody's nice outfits etc etc. Not to mention changes of underwear for yourself. You may want to plan to have a change of clothes for yourself for the reception.

Be prepared to leave early, once the formalities are over. I felt incredibly fragile both physically and emotionally right after my first baby and I wasn't expecting that. I am prepared for that this time around. I also had a fairly difficult birth, with a forceps delivery, which meant it was very uncomfortable for me to sit for long periods, I kind of spent the first 2 weeks of DS' life reclining on my side or sitting on rolled up towels to take the pressure off my perineum.

Be prepared to not enjoy the day at all. It sounds awful but despite all the support from friends and family, it will probably be your first public performance as a mummy and you WILL feel incredibly pressured to look as though you are holding it all together and coping wonderfully. There will be lots of people wanting to give you advice which is the last thing you need when you are such a new parent.

Personally - I think 2 weeks post due date is a bit sharp in terms of timing. I would bow out of the bridal party and say that you will plan to come to the wedding. That way, if you do feel that it will be too much, you won't really be letting your friend down if cancel at the last minute.

ETA: As your milk supply will still be getting established you can't count on being able to express milk beforehand - your breasts may be too tender to cope with it. You will need to be prepared to breastfeed fairly publicly - you don't know what kind of facilities the reception venue will have. If you think you will feel shy about it, this might be the nail in the coffin, so to speak. And a newborn will take about 45 minutes to complete a feed.

Sorry for the long post - this is all stuff you need to consider. I know it's not an easy decision to turn down being BM for your bestie.

[sydney moose]

Wow, thanks so much to everyone for the great advice.. Decision is not quite made yet but your information has brought a lot of information I had not thought of beforehand.

Looks like DH and I will have to sit down tonight and discuss this seriously as he is the best man as well which will only make it more difficult. Luckily, my MIL and SFIL will both be at the wedding and may be able to support me a little as hubby won't be able to but the reception is not in a hotel, it's at a surf club and that only makes things more difficult as I won't have a room to go back to but was going to have a chat to the surf club and see if they can be of any help at all.

Thanks so much for your feedback and keep it coming if anyone has any other suggestions or thoughts. I'll obviously need to sit down with my friend (bride) as I am not sure she is understanding the full implications of what me being a bridesmaid and a new mum at the same time and all your replies will help us make a decision...

Thanks for all the warm welcome and congratulations, it's so hard when you can't tell anyone!!!! and believe me if you knew me, you knew how hard this really is for me

Moose

[Ginger]

hi moose

just wanted to add my 2c worth
i actually gave birth to my ds 13 days after my due date, so there's no way i could have done it. i also couldn't hav handled being a bridesmaid 2 weeks after that. the first few weeks are just way too full on. you'll most likely be working hard to establish breastfeeding and getting to know your baby and yourself as a mother.
have you considered just going to the wedding as a guest but not a bridesmaid? in my honest opinion, that's what i would do in your situation.

[~breeze~]

Hi moose, congrats on your pregnancy!!!

I am pretty much agreeing with most of the other replies with saying if I were in your shoes I'd turn down the BM position & just go as a guest if able to when the time comes.

Something you have to really think about is if you go over due which is quite common in first pregnancies, then at best you may have only been out of hospital a few days. My DD was 8 days overdue, I had a complication free vaginal birth & was out shopping the day I left the hospital with my 4 day old DD. So I agree that is everything goes smoothly you will most likely be up to attending a wedding BUT being part of the wedding is a whole other story....

What if for some reason you're overdue & then complications arise meaning you need an emergency c/s (hopefully this wont happen, but it COULD). This would mean you'd most likely be in hospital or fresh out of hospital when the big day arrives.

When I had DD the lady in the room next to mine had needed a c/s & she was on morphine for the pain, I have heard this can be quite common. Most of the c/s mums in my ward were very slowly walking around, bent over due to their pain. I cant imagine this simply stopping within a week? I may be wrong but cant imagine it.

Also I know when my DD was newborn my maternal instinct (I guess thats what you call it?) went into over-drive & I needed to know she was ok, being watched, warm enough etc etc so I think you may be very distracted thinking about your new baby while you're supposed to be focused on the bride, so that may not be fair to the bride as it will be "her day" & if she's nervous will need her BM's there to help her.

I just think there are too many possible scenarios being so close to your due date. I personally wouldn't take the risk.

With being just a guest you will be able to quietly sneek to the back to comfort your screaming newborn if it starts screaming, you will be able to discretely breast feed during the ceremony if needed, you can sit down & rest as much as you like/need, you can leave early if needed... it will be so much more relaxing as a guest.

Good luck in making a decision, its a hard one to make as there are no guarantees in pregnancy for due dates etc.

I hope I helped

[sneakysparkle]

Hi moose - first of all - congrats and welcome to BB!

Now to the matter at hand... well my sister got married when my first bub was 5 wks old and I was a bridesmaid for her - I reluctantly said yes after much consideration. My DH was also in the bridal party so was a similar situation you may be in!

The morning of was ok, getting ready I had mum there to look after bub and I fed her just before we went off to the church - halfway through the ceremony though DD was hungry though and cried hysterically so my other sister missed most of the wedding to look after her! It was awful for me, I couldn't enjoy it as I was worried about bub the whole time, and "should I just go feed her" etc etc.

Straight after the ceremony I had to sit in the mothers room at the church half naked because I couldn't feed in the dress my sis had picked It took ages to feed her too, it usually takes longer in the early days!

I got changed for the reception (I refused to get half naked there!) and was completely exhausted! Luckily it wasn't a formal do so my responsibilities were over by then so I could just relax with DD.

Now, that was 5 weeks after her birth, and that was hard enough! I also went to a wedding as a guest when she was only 2wks old - the ceremony was fine, she just slept through the whole thing, the reception was ok - I had a room to myself that I could feed etc in - I was just in there for most of the night! So whatever you decide, prepare to miss out on some stuff...

All the best with your decision

[fingerscrossed]

Hi Sydeny moose,

It's not impossible, but, you may not be able to do any of the bridesmaidly tasks your friend will need from you on the day. If she has more than 2 BM's, you might be able to do the ceremony, but even just with feeding the baby, it'll be very hard to traipse around with everyone for the photos.

My boss was bridesmaid for her SIL 6 days after her 3rd baby was born, but she had her Mum and others help her, and the other bridesmaids did all the 'work'. I'm not sure how they managed to get her dress to fit, maybe it was made 2 days before the wedding?

Maybe you could be more of a very special, honorary bridesmaid on the day, and just be there for your friend. Then you won't have to try to be BM and New Mum....both a tough jobs.

I'm sure you've had a lot of good advise for and against, and you can now decide what's right for you. I'm sure you'll be happy whichever decision you make.

[sydney moose]

Thanks to everyone for their advice, DH and I have sat down and come to realise, as much as we didn't want to. that we are really kidding ourselves to think I will be able to go through with being a BM as there is so much uncertainty surrounding the PG and all.
I will assure my friend that I will still act as an "honorary" BM and help her out with everything, invites, etc See the 3 other BM's are overseas and I am the only one here to help so I want to make sure she doesn't feel like she is losing it all.

We are going to sit down with our friends most likely this week-end and bring your posts with us and at least myself will not be part of the bridal party and share our decision and have a good ol' chin wag about it. I would not want DH not to be part of it and will also be discussing with my OB at the end of this month and work out a plan of action ( maybe get induced to be sure I can be there)

My only concern left is as I am only about 7 weeks in, there is a chance ( and I really can't stand the thought to be honest, it scares the living crap out of me) that I may not carry all the way through, so I guess this is something we will all discuss as to whether we want to wait 12 weeks before making a final decision, and whether they still want DH as well consiedering there is a risk of me still being in hsopital.

So will let you know how it went, but a BIG thank you to you all as this has made my decision not easier but a much more informed one anyhow.

Moose

[Tobily]

I wouldn't do it I think it's a bit close?

Even best case scenario and your baby is here a few weeks before the wedding, you still have leaky, engorged boobs and bleeding to contend with - and if you mess up your dress (and it'll be the squirty leaky boobs that'll more than likely be responsible ) it's not like you can change into something else.

Being in the bridal party means an early start and probably a late finish with lots of responsibilities - very hard with a brand new baby to worry about as well.

If it were me I'd be upfront with my friend and tell her that she deserves to have someone who doesn't have all this other stuff to deal with and can focus on her on her special day. I'd just go as a guest where you can have the freedom to tend to your bub as need be.

GL.

[{sarah}]

Like some of the others have said, you could go over which would be my main concern. At 14 days past my due date, I had my first day home from hospital - bub was 10 days over & I had an emergency c/s. There is no way I was even leaving the house to drop my son off to preschool, let alone going to a wedding.

You could very well be able to do it.... Just make sure if you do say yes, you & the bride are aware that things don't alway go to plan & you might have to pull out at the last minute.

[satya]

If you go late you could still be in hospital (particularly if you have a c section). That in itself could not only cause issues with letting the bride and groom down, but also your partner doing the same thing as he'll want to be with you and bubs. I'd be bowing out gracefully and just attending as a guest if you can manage it.

If you had already had bubs there will be no way of predicting what size you will be at that time so your dress is going to cause dramas for the bride & you will also be likely to stress about that too, shoes could be an issue too if you get swelling and your feet haven't yet recovered (some women stay a bigger size after pregnancy). You will not need the added pressure during your first precious weeks with a new bub.

Attending a wedding as a guest is far more fun than as a member of the bridal party anyway so it's not like you are missing out on anything really.

[sunshine_sieben]

I agree with most posters that it is too close and although bub would most likely be fine, you will be mega stressed.
Another point that nobody has made so far is that the stress of the upcoming wedding might actually complicate or delay your birth. Our bodies do funny things under stress and often labour doesn't start naturally if you are very stressed.
Also, if you do end up going over your due date (and a lot of first pregnancies do go over), you might have to deal with 2 kinds of pressure to induce: one being your doc the other being the impending wedding. If you're interested in having a natural birth, not a good situation to be in (and on a little side note: a wedding is not a vali reason for an induction).
And people have very rightly pointed out how time consuming breastfeeding is in the early days. You can pretty much count on starting a feed every 2-3 hours and it lasting up to an hour. This can mena that you're only at the wedding every second hour.
Also, lots of babies have problems with gas in the early days. Due to digesting food being such a new sensation to them. So you might have a very upset bub to deal with. On the other hand, they do sleep a lot in the first couple of weeks, so you might get lucky.
Especially with DH being in the bridal party, too, I think it will just be too difficult. Your baby might not like being held by anyone else but her parents.
And another thing. Bridesmaids usually have a lot of responsibilities before the wedding. And believe me, when you're about ready to pop there are enough other things to take care of. And you will need some rest, too.
And another thing: This is meant to be HER special day. If her BM has a newborn baby, just imagine how much the baby will steal her show and influence her day. She might not mind that, but I just don't think it's fair.

I would explain all this to your friend and say that due to all these possibilities, you would not be able to be a reliable bridesmaid. I'm sure she will udnerstand. Definitely plan on being there on her special day, but without the responsibility of being her bridesmaid.

All the best with whatever you decide.
Sasa

[sunshine_sieben]

Hi, we posted at the same time.
I just wanted to let you know that I woudl strongly advise you against getting induced just for convenience. Inductions are not without risk. There are a few articles here on BB that you might like to read before going down that road, so that this decision is an informed one, too :-)
The World Health Organisation says: "Birth should not be induced for convenience, and the induction of labour should be reserved for specific medical indications. No geographic region should have rates of induced labour over 10%."
https://www.bellybelly.com.au/birth/...-or-not-induce

And I really do hope that you will carry to term and have a healthy bub. But it might be worth thinking about whether she can wait another 5 weeks to make a final decision about her bridesmaids.
And you are very right, you dont have to be a bridesmaid to be able to help.

Sasa

[scooby]

Hi
I was bridesmaid for my BF 2 weeks after DS was born i had 3rd degree tear so was very sore down there, very swollen from fluid and of course very big boobs. BUT it was my BF special day i had soooo much fun (felt some normality after the birth) and DS had a fun day with the relies all and all i would say go for it. The other side of the coin is you just might not be able to. First bubs are generally late (i was 10 days over due) so its probably good the decision you came too just go and have a great time without the stress

[ShootingStar]

Personally, i would be honest with them and say you cant make it.
I had a natural birth but had to have an episiotomy. I had other issues too but wasnt able to stand up for long periods for over a month. I think you will be putting too much stress on yourself and your body to be honest.. even if everything goes well with your labour.. you will be still required to stand for some long periods and that couldnt be good.
Best of luck with your decision.

[Cricket]

When I had DD the lady in the room next to mine had needed a c/s & she was on morphine for the pain, I have heard this can be quite common. Most of the c/s mums in my ward were very slowly walking around, bent over due to their pain. I cant imagine this simply stopping within a week? I may be wrong but cant imagine it.

Just a quick note on that point - the intense pain that many post-surgical patients experience is related to the gas that builds up in the intestines because of the anaesthetic. Not to say that the incision wound isn't painful, or that recovery isn't long and sore for many women, but that intense "can't stand up" pain immediately after delivery is often because of gas.

Anyways, about the bridesmaid thing - a good friend of mine did it for her sister's wedding. It was her third baby. She walked twice a day through her whole pregnancy to stay as fit as she could to fit the dress. (not that fitness is a bad thing! But all that just to fit the dress!?!) She also ended up being induced to avoid being overdue, so that she could be in the wedding. (I don't know who her doctor was, but that sounds like a pretty poor reason for induction to me!) She did it, and she and baby were fine, but it really sounds like too much hassle to me!

I think you will be glad that you have opted to step out as bridesmaid - you can still enjoy the day with your friend, if you are feeling up to it, and there is no pressure if you are not!

All the best with the rest of your pregnancy! Welcome to BellyBelly!