First OB appointment, what to remember?

[Charlotte91]

I have my first OB appointment on Monday (14+3w).

What should I remember to talk to him about? Considering I was high risk last time.
I've already had a scan, I've got the results of my blood work to take to him.

What are some of the essential things I need to mention to him?

He knows most of what happened with my pregnancy last time.

Thanks.
I'm nervous! I feel like a first time mum again!

[peanutter]

I guess it depends on what you're wanting the outcome to be - my first appointment I was a blithering mess, because I was so upset about being in a hospital, I wasn't coping very well!

I cried on the midwife for almost an hour, then cried with the ob for another 20 minutes ...

I ended up just giving them a full copy of my file (as I already had it via FOI) and I gave them a detailed narration of the key things that happened, so they could figure out what they would need to do.

In subsequent appointments, we've discussed what we can do to help me feel safe at hospital, and to minimise further trauma ... you might need that too

But the general things from when I was pg with DS were more about which immunisations were up to date, what were my levels (protein in urine, iron/vit D/etc in blood, etc), listening to DS on the doppler and getting a referral for the 20 week morphology scan.

I also asked some questions about flying, because I had a work trip to Hong Kong coming up, so I had Qs about that.

HTH

[HotI]

What do you want out of the appt?

YOu might want to talk about ultrasounds during pregnancy, labour options (including VBAC), hospital options (if there is more than one).

are you interested in midwifery care?

any concerns you have from your DDs birth.

[Charlotte91]

I think I'd rather be under my one OB. I hate being RWH because I rarely got the same OB twice. It sucked.
There's a midwife in town, who I relied on with DD because of my labour scares and check ups.

There's only one hospital, which is 1 1/2 hours away. Our best mate looks like moving to town so I'll be able to labour as long as I want at his place before a 5 minute trip to the hospital. Rather than going too early.

My main concerns about DD's pregnancy was that no-one ever told me what was going on. I was just told what to do and I was very much out of control. I never want to feel like that again.

What exactly should I mention about my VBAC? I'm going to get one, no excuses.

I'm scared about giving birth. I don't want to be out of control again. I'm already feeling very anxious and having nightmares.

[peanutter]

I really, really feel for you ...

I've been seeing one of the psychs at the hospital as well as ob, etc, and have been able to talk through my fears, and start to determine what will help me in this birth: one thing has been people communicating things to me the whole time, so I understand what is happening and why (not to be in charge, but so that I can understand and process and reduce my fear, etc).

So the psych and ob has (and will continute to) communicated that to the team who will be looking after me, and it's clear how important that is for me.

Also, because of the last birth and trauma, I've only seen the one ob except for one time - and my appointments are now just booked for days that she's there - they may well do this for you too, so you don't have to go over your histroy and your management plan every time you have an appointment. Ask whether this can be organised - it has helped with my stress, as I know that my ob knows what happened, has seen my file and my history, knows that she needs to explain things to me as we go, and that I am quite frightened about the birth, etc ... hopefully, they'll organise the same sort of process for you

As VBAC isn't an option for me, I can't help, but *loads* of women here have had successful VBACs and I'm sure they'd love to share more.

With your anxiety and nightmares etc - are you getting counselling? I've increased my appointments to be weekly (from fortnightly) as the birth approaches, to try to manage it a bit better ... it's helping ... I'm not sure that I'll be "ready" by the time Ziggy is cooked, but I'm trying!

And the other thing I'd suggest is for you to have a list of things which will make you calmer at the birth - and talk with your care providers about what will and wouldn't work for your labour and birth ...

And I'd be prepping your support people early ... even see maybe if they can come to appointments with you? So you're all on the same page ... ?

[Charlotte91]

I only have DH. He's all I have. we have our best mate, but he's not the kind of person you want at a birth.
I'd love my mum to be there, but she's the only one who can look after DD. (we find it hard to leave her with people, just because of her health issues, although pretty minor now we just like to have people who know her routines and what she can and can't eat and can give her her medications).

I'll only be seeing one OB. There's only 3 in town and one is impossible to get in to (although, she deals with complicated pregnancys and such.. But the thought of not having my OB nearly gives me a panic attack). I had my OB til 20w and then we found out DD was sick, so I had to be referred on to Melbourne. We saw my OB a few times after because Melbourne just weren't telling us what was going on and he could understand the u/s reports better than us and talk to us like real people.
There's no counsellors near us, the closest could be in town - 1 1/2 hours away. I don't drive and DH just doesn't have enough time built up at work to keep taking me to town. Unless I took the bus.... maybe that could be an option?

[peanutter]

I guess it depends on what would be more stressful ... if the trip there and back stresses you out more than the apopintment has helped ... no good!

I'm glad you're comfortable with your ob.

What have they suggested? Are they keeping you informed? Are they able to help you with an action plan?

Have you been able to sit down with your DH and work out what is going to help you the most? I'd be starting there: what will help you to feel safe and secure, and then how can that be achieved. What strategies can be in place so that you can concentrate on having Beez, and bringing him/her into the world in a safe and calm way, where you're both healthy and happy afterwards ...

Then I'd be looking broader, to what else do you *want*

And who can help you achieve that ...

[Charlotte91]

And I feel like I'm in this alone. We've only told my parents and MIL and FIL.
I've tried talking to my parents about my fears and they're just all "Oh, but Beez will be healthy. And you'll be fine. Don't worry about it."

Well I am worried about it. I walk around and suddenly I'll start thinking 'what if things go wrong again?' and my heart starts pounding.
I'm just so anxious. I feel like I'm about to break into a panic attack any second.
I hate a single thing out of place in the house, I want to hurry up and start offering money on the house we want but can't for another few weeks. I'm scared we won't be ready for Beez to come and I'm only 14w.

I hate talking about it because i feel so weak.

[peanutter]

Keep talking - whether it's trying to get through to your parents or your FIL (maybe not your mil ...) or people here, if there's no one else IRL.

I'm not sure if there's any over-the-phone counselling services available? Maybe they could be helpful, and mor accessible?

But you need something to start you on a path to feeling safer and more confident about Beez's arrival.

Talking can be hard, finding the right outlet can be hard, but I have found that it really does help.

Do you have any hobbies or anything you can use to distract yourself also, when those thoughts start spiralling out of control? Whether it's drawing or writing or doing a sudoku - anything which uses all your mind to do something else - to force yourself to stop thinking catastrophically?

[HotI]

I kinda think that pregnancies take 9 ish months because there can be a lot for you to work through. My thoughts and feelings at the start of this pregnancy were different to how i feel now, more fears, more denial. Even in the last month, i have become more comfortable with how things will be. It's ok to be scared now, and to not be ready because you still have time to get everything organised.

[sloane]

what about a student midwife or a doula? i know maybe not as easy as if you were in melb but maybe there are some in your area? i didn't have a bad/traumatic birth as such with DS but i still felt out of control & that i didn't have anyone other than DP on my side. this time i have a student midwife & she's been fantastic to talk to. she's come to some appointments with me & makes me feel like i have an advocate & extra support.

don't feel weak - i think you're being very proactive & self-aware to be wanting to sort through things now

[Charlotte91]

I started a birth plan, but unfortunately it's on the laptop that is broken and we haven't sent it away yet. (long story, got dropped, power button fell off, it's a Dell so can only be fixed in Sydney) and I've forgotten what I wrote. Maybe I could start another birth plan? I even put on there what happens in an emergency c/s took place.

I haven't seen my OB yet, we got the very last appointment of the day so I guess if we talk a while we won't make him late. His office isn't anywhere near the hospital so that's great. I've been into the hospital a few times since but haven't been into maternity. They hated me there when I was pregnant with DD. I'd turn up or ring and they'd just tell me "We can't do anything for you here with your baby like that. Just go to Melbourne." That hurt. "with you baby like that". What? Sick? Got her guts out?

I haven't really talked to DH. He's going through so much lately with his mother and with his own counselling sessions. I can't join in on that because work is paying for him to go.
I've written to counsellors but no-one does over the phone. I've written to heaps of m/w and doulas and barely heard back from anyone. No-one is willing to travel past Bendigo or Ballarat. Both 3 hours away.

I don't want to keep dwelling on DD's pregnancy and birth and all the trauma that followed but I can't stop thinking about it. I'm worried that people will just think I'm sooking and I need to move on. It's another reason why we aren't telling anyone til after our morphology scan.

[sloane]

re-the birth plan, you could definitely do another one - if you want something to help you get started again you could try the maternity coalition website or the MAMA (midwives & mothers) website.

i know it's a way to travel but the MAMA centre also run women's circles on the last sunday of each month where you can share you birth story with other mums & midwives. they're in kensington i think - maybe worth it if you're ever in melb on a weekend?

and if people think you need to move on - i think you'd agree with them that you want to get past it but it's a matter of having the tools & support to move on and counselling/support etc is how you can do that. it's silly of them if they think it's just a matter of saying 'right, today i'm moving on'.

i'm sorry there aren't more resources for you where you are, that really sucks

[Charlotte91]

I'm going to do another birth plan. I don't feel strong enough to do it today. I honestly just want to cry but the tears won't come. DD is coming down with a cold and is teething so she's extremely clingy. She's due to wake up any minute now.
I'll keep the women's circles thingy in mind, but we rarely go to Melbourne. Only if DD has appointments at the Royal Children's. And she's only got 1 this year.

I tried to talk my mother about how I'd prefer to birth at home and she just told me I was stupid because of the risk of my c/s scar rupturing is too high and I've never given birth before so I won't know what i'm doing.
And, in reality, we're trying to buy a house. So I can't homebirth and buy a house. We just don't have the money.

My dream birth is waterbirth. I know I won't get it because of having a c/s 13 months ago.
The stubborn part of me thinks "Stuff all of you! If our mate moves to town I'll just labour there for as long as possible! And, oh dear, no time to get to the hospital!" And then Beez is born at our mate's place.

[HotI]

What exactly should I mention about my VBAC? I'm going to get one, no excuses.

Not sure whether this will come up in your first appt or later, but it will be good to get info on the Ob and hospital's policies and philosophy in relation to vbac. How supportive will they be, what do they require, what do they consider negotiable? Is there anything specific to your scar that will affect future births?

Later, you may also want to look into hospital policies and procedures on c sections (i recommend this when planning any birth, not just a vbac), and work out the things that are most important to you if a c section was necessary.

If you will travel for the birth, wonder if it worth looking for a doula or midwife (or student) in the town you will birth in. You could talk on the phone during the pregnancy to build up the relationship and decide on the role they can play.

keep talking and working things through.

[Maruschke]

I'll be thinking of you on Monday . You might not be able to go through all these things in 1 appointment, but I'd be asking for a "debrief" discussion and a "planning" discussion, either now or sometime in the near future.

[HotI]

i still haven't written out a birth plan for this birth, so plenty of time for you to do it.