what about a student midwife or a doula? i know maybe not as easy as if you were in melb but maybe there are some in your area? i didn't have a bad/traumatic birth as such with DS but i still felt out of control & that i didn't have anyone other than DP on my side. this time i have a student midwife & she's been fantastic to talk to. she's come to some appointments with me & makes me feel like i have an advocate & extra support.

don't feel weak - i think you're being very proactive & self-aware to be wanting to sort through things now