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Thread: Am i expecting to much ..........

  1. #1

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    Default Am i expecting to much ..........

    Hi girls, hope your all well.

    Not sure which thread this should be in so sorry if it's in the wrong spot.

    My BIL and SIL both know that we are expecting #2, but neither of them have congratulated me, and only my BIL has congratulated my DH. We had them at our house over thew/wend for my DH's surprise 30th and neither of them said anything at all then either, DH was even talking to SIL about ultrasound still nothing was mentioned.

    Am i being to sensitive ?The fact that they haven't acknowledged this pg by now is really starting to upset me, i mean to say i am almost 20weeks.
    Sorry to whinge but i needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for listening.



    Take care Leah

  2. #2

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    Hi Leah,

    Gosh no - I don't think you are being over sensitive AT ALL!! I think a bit of congratulations and also some enquiry as to how you are feeling is the least you can expect from most people you know, but at the very least from family.

    We are telling our families this weekend, and I'm sure they will be really happy for us - I know my BIL and SIL will be on the phone as soon as they hear!

    From your post, I wasn't sure whether your BIL and SIL were a couple (married) or the brother and sister of your DH... if they are married, maybe it's just that they are a bit jealous - could they have been trying for a baby themselves? I know when my sister told me she was pg while we were TTC I was very jealous and a bit cross that she'd beaten me to it, although I would never have shown her how I really felt - I've always outwardly been really happy for them. Just a thought.

    CONGRATULATIONS from me anyway - at least you will get support and congratulations from here!!

    Bertie

  3. #3

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    I'd say it comes down to jealousy. However, I told my dad the other day, he said congratulations but has STILL not asked the due date. He's not mentioned anything actually. Quite strange, but Im just going to focus on the people that are being supportive and happy.
    Maybe you should just bring up being pregnant to them and just fill them in on what is happening. Then you'll see if they're uncomfortable or rude or whatever. Maybe then you could ask the problem?

  4. #4

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    Hi Bertie,

    Thanks for your support, it's nice to hear from someone else that it's ok to feel the way i do about the whole situation.
    Like your expecting with your in in-laws, I thought they'd be on the phone straight away but how wrong was I. Hope all goes well when you tell your family.
    Sorry yes my BIL and SIL are a married couple with two kids. They aren't having any more children so surely it can't be jealousy. SIL's sister is due to have a baby this Saturday so thinking maybe thats why there has been not congratulations happening with us, but that's no excuse as far as I am concerned.
    My mum said to me the other day, if they haven't aknowledged the pg yet, how long will it take them to say Congratulations AFTER the baby is born? I guess only time will tell. Certainly not going to hold my breath.

    Thanks again for your support i needed it.
    Take care Leah

  5. #5

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    Hi Meg,

    Sorry you haven't really got the response you were after either, but at least your Dad has congratulated you. I have yet to hear that word from them. It really makes me upset 'cos this is one of the best things to happen to anyone and then when we don't get the response that we expected to get it's heart breaking isn't it.

    Hope your Dad starts to show more interest in your pg very soon. Thinking of you. Thanks for your support.

    Take care Leah

  6. #6

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    Leah, honey u r so not over-reacting, frickin' in-laws, you either go the direct approach and ask them what there problem is? Or let it go ,but I agree it's so rude. :evil: My SIL has only seen my daughter who is three twice(both xmas time), and William my son (6mths) didn't bother o call when he was born and hasn't even seen him yet, seriously the saying's true u can pick your friends but not your family.

    4 u angel, we'll all support and listen 2 u.

  7. #7

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    Nadia,

    Thanks for your support. As i was reading your post i started to get abit teary, every now and then i get that way.

    That is sooo rude not to mention sad what your SIL has done, it makes me so cranky when i hear stories like that. I mean she hasn't made any effort with your children at all by the sounds of things. Surely if she couldn't visit for what ever reason you'd think she could at least phone you. I can't understand people sometimes. What must they be thinking?

    Take care and thanks heaps for your support.
    Leah

  8. #8

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    Hi Leah - we are at early stages yet and as this is #1 we have told the immediate family already - even before the blood test - the Inlaws were super excited and hugging me etc - (not DH oopss) but my partents (both sets) were all oh well don't get your hopes up etc... - i burst into tears after hearing that the least they could do is be positive....

  9. #9

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    Hi Leah, when I first read your post, I didn't think you were over-reacting or expecting too much at all and I personally think every pregnancy announcement deserves some sort of acknowledgement.

    Having just entered my 2nd trimester, my MIL announced the news to my husband's side of the family last week... and no one has congratulated me or DH either. They just look at me and then my tummy and then go off on their merry way.. which leaves me feeling like "well stuff you! Don't expect me to call you when the baby is born". They have a real thing about being told about the birth so I just feel like getting back at them... isn't that awful of me?!

    It's a terrible thing when in-laws always find a way to turn such a joyous and wonderful occasion into something to feel sad about..

  10. #10

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    Dana,

    Sorry to hear that your in-laws haven't congratulated you on such a wonderful event.
    I totally agree with you about calling when bub arrives . Why should we bother to call, i mean they haven't even had the decencey to congratulate us now so to me thats pretty much saying they don't care, so why would they care when bub doe's arrive.
    It's sad to think that your own family (sorry in-laws) be so rude. How must it make our DH's feel to know that there own brothers or sisters don't seem to care.

    Take care Leah

  11. #11
    belmarks Guest

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    Hi Leah, first of all YAY at another Novocastrian on here!! Yippee!

    Secondly, what is it with in-laws? Are they all brain dead morons? Mine were the extreme - they were over the top excited at first and then nothing since. I get really annoyed at it all, as it seems to me like I am only seen as an "incubator" for their grandchild. Even DH's brothers and sister haven't been all that interested in our pregnancy.

    I also had a few friends who were less than excited for us, and it really hurts.

    DH and I had to go through 3.5 years of IVF before we conceived, so you would at least think our good friends and family would have been excited for us.

    I have just decided to concentrate on the friends and family that are being helpful and lovely about the whole pregnancy and decided that the ones that aren't excited or even remotely interested, I will not bother with. its hard, but please don't let it get you down.

    Im excited for you! A BIG CONGRATULATIONS from me....

  12. #12
    belmarks Guest

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    Oh and btw about calling when I have the baby, my DH has had several "goes" at his parents for their behaviour during this pregnancy, and he has told them that he no longer wants them to be involved in our childs life.

    He has made it pretty clear to me and everyone else that he will not be calling his parents when the baby is born, he just doesn't want them around, like I said before - if Im only seen as an incubator, and they aren't interested in the baby or me now, then why should they have any interest when the baby actually arrives???? [-(

  13. #13

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    ohh Belinda.. I'm sorry to hear about your situation with the in law's... gosh they can be awful at times! Brings back memories of when I was planning my wedding! They always seem to know when to stick their noses in and makes positive events turn sour.....

    Not much longer for you though.. I hope DH is taking fantastic care of you and you'll always have us to congratulate you when bubs is born!

  14. #14
    belmarks Guest

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    thanks Dana, that's why Im on belly belly I think, because you get so much positive support from everyone here. Isn't it funny that none of us know each other, and yet we all seem to give each other so much support!

    Thanks

  15. #15

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    I was also thinking that mostly when people aren't interested, it's jealousy or else maybe they're trying to conceive and it is upsetting when they hear of others successes (this however should not be taken out on the pregnant woman). I know this is mean, but with the people that show no interest (out of jealousy), I just tend to go over the top about the pregnancy when Im with them! And rub it in!!

  16. #16

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    i couldn't agree with you more, bel! that's why i'm so addicted to this place.. i get so much more support in here than i do my own relatives!

    i went to visit one of my dad's friends yesterday just before my ob appointment and he gave me the greatest and biggest smile! i think some people just don't realise how important that kind of a reaction is..

    have a great weeekend girls!

  17. #17

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    Belinda,

    A huge Congratulations to you and DH, fantastic that after 3.5yrs your dream to be parents will soon be reality. Well done , i wish you all the best for the remainder of your pg and beyond.

    It is so sad that your in-laws are treating you and your DH the way that they are. It's so upsetting, you would think they would be the opposite knowing full well what your and your DH have been through to get this beautiful baby.

    I fully understand what your DH is saying about not calling his parents when bub arrives. Like he said they don't seem to be interested now so why would things change once bubs is here.

    Anyway i wish you and DH all the very best.
    Keep smiling
    Take care Leah

  18. #18
    Melody Guest

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    I know how dissapointing & frustrating other peoples overt rudness & insensitivity can be.... my sisters husband hasnt even aknowleged my existense in 14 years, still holding the judgements he made on me when i was 15, can you imagine how much energy that takes for him?

    The simple truth I have learnt though is that you cant expect/demand/rely upon 'certain behaviours' (from others) just because you personally deem them to be important to you. Avoid the internal dissapointment & be happy that you are such a person who knows how to deal with others well & show a common humanity. If someone else really lacks the ability to do that then you just have to feel so sorry for them.... what a struggle it must be for them?

    Stay secure & happy in the knowlege that you are a really good person

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