After a long talk with Paul last night he wants me to have the amnio if the OB at the hospital says it's best to have one and his odds are good. Paul won't put me through it if his odds of m/c is lower than 1:200. Sadly if there is something wrong with the baby he wants me to terminate the pregnancy. I know this is hard for some of you to read and we do have a lot more time to talk about this but he has admited to me that he doesn't think he would be able to cope with a down syndrome baby/child. I'm pleased that he has been honest with me and not just gone with what ever i have said.
It's not just us we have to think about we have Kimberley and Alexander to think of also. Also i don't think our familes would treat this baby the same as Kimberley and Alexander if something was wrong. I know that sounds heartless and we maybe should talk to them about it but they are not 100% in our lives everyday and it's us that has to cope with all this on a day to day bases.

It's breaking my heart writing this. It's all i have thought about since yesterday morning. I have this horrible sick feeling in my tummy that just won't go away no matter what. I've eaten just because i know i have to but that doesn't help with the pain.
I wish now i never had the scan and BT done.
I'm going to ask if they could do the bloods again as that is the only thing as i can see is the problem. The NF is a good size and we where told that when we where having the scan that is why we can't understand my odds have come back like this. I know my age (34) is not on my side but i just keep thinking that they are just ok and everything will be fine. But age doesn't always have something to do with it like my Dr said a heathy 20 year old could go through the same as us.

I keep thinking i have done something wrong but i know there was nothing i could have done to stop this from happening.

Thank you so much for listening and being there for me. Not sure what i would have done without all your support and the lovely PM's i have also been sent.
It's going to be a tough few weeks and maybe a tough 26 more but we will get through this.