c section acceptance

[littlescottishboy]

I have had two c/s, both very different.
First bub i had loads of complications (placenta praevia grade 4, plus haemmorhaging) and had to have a general anaesthetic as well. Necessary for my safety and for bubs safety, but not the blissful, dreamy, 'romantic' natural birth I'd always dreamed for and hoped to have. As a result of the general, i didn't get to meet bubs till a few hours later. I was just so relieved to actually meet him and have all our scary isues over that i didn't care how he got into the world. I was more upset that i couldn;t breasfed him as he was in intensive care and needed to be tube-fed - but that's another story as he was quite sick when he was born.

Second bub, c/s again. Doc's recommendation and my preference too (i know i could have tried for a VBAC, but i seriously just wanted my baby in my arms and was scared of the previous scar rupturing if i went through with a VBAC, even though i know the risk is very low of this actually happening, and i know many people do have succesful VBACs - i just felt like it was not the option for me personally). So had a spinal block - i won't lie, i was petrified of the spinal block - but after it was in, i just laid back and was able to relax knowing i was awake and my DH was by my side. Then when she was born, I was sooooo overjoyed that i cried and cried tears of joy while they sewed me up! At that moment, I couldn't have cared less that i had had a c/s again; i had my gorgeous baby, she was healthy, and we were both okay. That was all that mattered to me.

I was able to breastfed her almost straight away - it only took about half an hour to finish me, while they did all the obs etc on bubby. I remember b'feeding her in the recovery room, and it was the most beautiful feeling ever to know that i was with her, she was with me, and all was right with the world!

I honour and respect all the multitude of opinions on the topic of c/s or VBAC, but i can only speak personally. For me, i had been through enough trauma, and all i wanted was a healthy baby in my arms (both times!). So for me, the result was more important for me than the actual process. Both my kids are gorgeous litle souls and the loves of my life. I love them to bits, and no one can tell how they arrived in the world by looking at them.

I did feel guilt for a while, kind of because i thought i 'had to feel guilty' - lots of things you read make you feel like a failure if you can't birth naturally. The guilt kind of came later. But i have now come to accept that having my babies in my arms and now in my life everyday is the most important thing to me, regardless of how they came out of my body. My body grew them, and nourished them, and for those reasons, i am proud of my body for giving me my children.