I had the same experience with DS, I was so utterly let down by Dp that I DID kick him out of the birth suite for the next one.
Well I very nearly did. I was absolutley NOT having him there again, so I got a doula, saw her on my own, gave him ALL the reasons why he couldn't be there. When he saw how serious I was he was quite upset and begged me to be there, which I ended up allowing ONLY because my Doula was there and she was aware of the situation with him. He was to leave the room the MOMENT he p!ssed me off.
My doula ended up supporting him to support me and it was just brilliant, he still cant stop raving on about how wonderful I am, he felt terrific that he could help me meaningfully.
In any case if you feel so strongly, show him you do. It might give him cause to see what you are on about. I would NEVER risk having my birth experience marred by the one person I thought I could count on...
I just want to add Dannielle that outside the delivery room my DH is useless too. He was really good during all 3 of my labours. He's a pack a day smoker & went without & tried everything I told him to with out getting the sh*ts with me when I pushed him away.
But at home he is I think alot like yours. He doesn't help around the house, he rarely looks after the kids, when we fight they are 'my' kids.
He actually makes comments all the time about wishing it was just us & DS. He odesn't let the other's hear him, but it hurts me pretty bad. He won't put out the rubbish, won't take the bin out on bin night. I am raising the kids on my own. 98%.
He isn't always like this. Over the last 3 years he gotten better & better. Because I made him. He might act like that alot, but when it all gets too much for me, he does realise & wake up to himself & will do something to make it up to me. eg, clean the house for me, get up to the kids & let me sleep. Only when I've screamed at him about how I'm just about to lose it & I can't do it anymore.
The last episode was coz of a tooth ache. I actually looked at rental houses where my mum is & got an application form emailed to me. But he's since snapped out of it.
He does get it when I drill it into him. I think you need to sit your DP down & talk to him. Ask him the things you really don't want to know the answer to.
Do you want to be a Dad?, Do you want us gone?
Tell him if he doesn't wake up to himself & grow up a bit & accept HIS responsibility, you'll leave.
I'm not telling you to leave. Just maybe he needs a bit of a 'slap' to wake him up. You are a person who has feelings too.The shock of you going to stay with your mum for a few days & telling him he won't see his baby born if he keeps it up might be enough to get the love & support you need & deserve.
Tell him what you need. You can't do this alone.
Until I explain it to DH as if he is 5 years old, he just doesn't get it.
I really hope you guys work things out.
Sorry to go on & on. I just think he needs a good talking to.
WOW - what a thread. My initial reaction is that he should cut the cord because its one thing they can do and they can still do it without holding the baby - the baby can be put on you straight away. BUT.....he sounds like he isn't a very supportive husband at all so I really don't know. I don;t think it should be an argument though - if you fight over this what else do you fight over? it's a tough one. Some of the other girls have great suggestions - I hope it works out for you.
I asked my hubby what he thought and he said that the hubby has little real involvement throughout the pregnancy and if this is the way he feels connected then hubby should be able to cut it.
i agree with him. We're the ones that feel it move all the time and are constantly thinking or reminded of being pregnant and all the Dads get is what we are telling them is happening and the way we ask them to participate is by helping around the house. Although we think its fantastic that they increase help, its not really feeling or bonding with the baby.
Having said all that, I think its up to both of you to decide whats right for you.
With the support person, I would definetly say have who you want in there, come on, labour isn't easy and the guys don't really understand.
Hahahahahaha Marc was initially saying nah thats fine. Then I asked him if he thought that was a bit unfair given I got to experience everything myself, he agreed. His suggestion was "Do it together".
I know I'll get flamed here but I think it is a bit selfish in some situations. I mean we get to experience everything not because we want to but because we have to. And its not all bad yes pregnancy is tiring but its also a beautiful experience. I really couldn't take that away from my husband if he really wanted to do it.
BUT...
Your experience is different, Marc was extremely supportive through both pregnancies and both births. In your experience I would tell him to go read "The little red hen" You don't help you don't get to eat cake simple as that.
I have to say I have never really given it much thought I have always been happy for the support person to cut the cord.... my BHL couldnt be there for the birth of DD2 so my mum was and so she got to cut the cord which she says that it is something she will never forget, she actully said the seeing the birth from the other point of view for the 1st time was quite dornting( sp? ) as she said she felt helpless to help my pain and didnt know if what she was tring to do was helping or if it was annoying me ( I guess as she has been on the birthing side where sometimes things just p!ss you off ) So maybe thats how your DH felt, maybe he felt like he couldnt help so distanced himself with reading a book maybe this time you will have to tell him what you want him to do like GET ME ICE CHIPS NOW !!!!
I guess what I am saying for me it doesnt bother me I go in expecting the support person to be the one cutting the cord as after all I get the 1st cuddle as baby is alway put straight on our tummys and that is where the cord is cut from... But do what you feel you are comfortble with, but dont leave you DH out or he might resent it... Talk to him let him know how you felt last time....
Danielle, I have spoken to my DP, I read out your thread to him. Here is his response. I have worded it slightly nicer than he said it
In his opinion Yes your DH is being unreasonable. He cut the cord first time around, it's only fair you get it this time. For him he felt it wasn't a "huge" deal cutting the cord, whereas for a woman we hold it more symbolic. His words, Get Over It.
On the subject of support, it's simple. You want it, you have it. It's your birth, and your the one that needs the support. Besides that, it's family. You are wanting your mother, not the next door neighbour.
So maybe my DP is different to some of the other males. He was pretty damn useless at supporting me in Tehya's birth, but tbh I think now he was just scared as it was a HB and he'd never witnessed birth before. Luckily for him, after a swift toe in the bum he was better with Abbey.
Goodluck hun and I hope you get it sorted before bubs birth
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