Family Complications???

[Nai]

No - I think DP would have had a fit if my mum had been there and there is no way that I could have relaxed with her there either.

Second time around my mum and MIL were in charge of DD1 so they had their hands full with their own very important job

[FabFiona]

I think it's a bit odd that your mum had an expectation that she would be there? Don't take this the wrong way, but surely she should be taking your lead on things and supporting your decisions?

Me and my husband made the baby, we will parent the baby and we will bring the baby into the world. I also want to make sure after baby is born that we get some time just the three of us before the grandmothers swoop! In fact, we've made it clear that they aren't to come to the hospital until we say we are ready.

I think you just need to stick to your guns and make it clear that you expect your mum to support your decisions, whatever they might be.

[misty]

No way do I want anyone but DH there. Luckily mum never had any desire to be in there - She says that she has been in the labour ward too many times in her life as it is (she had seven labours herself). My MIL had to be told quite firmly and repeatedly both times that she was not allowed to come in - I think she has finally got the hint, because she hasn't even suggested it once this pg.

[satya]

You may change your mind once you are in labour, particularly if it's a long one like I had (17 hours full on labour).

My partner and I agreed it would be just us in the labour ward.

After a day of prelabour & 6 hours of labour at home and a few at the hospital I realised my partner had called his mum & my parents & they were all on the way to the hospital. He asked if it was OK if his mum could come in. At first I was a bit shocked as we had agreed on having just us. He talked me into it pretty quickly though & I'm actually glad she came in. She gave heaps of support & rubbed my back & stuff & if he needed to have a break (like to go to the loo or have a smoke) it meant I always had someone with me. When my parents arrived they came in and out but when the actual birth happened I got the middy to get everyone except my partner to leave. That worked really well.

[fionas]

My mum lives in the UK but there's no way in the world that I would have had her in the delivery room with me in any case.

If and when DD gives birth, however, she will have to barricade the door to stop me being there ... and I imagine DP won't be far behind me. Poor girl LOL.

[~Jo~]

Gosh I would have hated my mum to be there. Love presenting bubs to her so much more!!!!

Jo

[Smoke Jaguar]

I think it's a bit odd that your mum had an expectation that she would be there? Don't take this the wrong way, but surely she should be taking your lead on things and supporting your decisions?

I have to chuckle at your blissful naivete! I know mothers who are very un-presumptuous, and I also know of mothers who take offence at being excluded. My own mother did not only take offence, she didn't talk to me for 10 days afterwards (and wouldn't 'give me the satisfaction' of validating my choice by even seeing her grandson in person) because she thought she had some 'right' (that she never discussed with me, incidentally, until after the fact) to be involved...and when pushed about this, couldn't and wouldn't pinpoint just at which stage she thought she should be involved. She had her own adjustments to make and thought that being there would have made all the difference. If we had another kind of relationship, perhaps. Had she even discussed it with me, perhaps. She knew I just wanted DP and I there and she never contested my wishes...just silently seethed about it. Most constructive
Anyway, it boils down to YOU being comfortable with the people there - no better way to slow down labour than to be unsure of whoever's around you. We're mammals and our mammalian brain takes over during labour and birth, seeking security and comfort to birth optimally.
If YOU are comfortable with who's there, that's all that matters, cos chick, this time it is ALL ABOUT YOU. And the 'you' incorporates your child - you are inseparable entities at this time and post-birth. If you want your mother there and your DP doesn't, then the fairest thing is for him to deal with his issues and let that happen. If you don't want her there, then leave instructions with the hospy staff - they'll comply
This time I'm going the homebirth route and thought about involving my mum with DS for a little while. She started quoting AMA and RANZCOG comments from newspapers to me so she was left well off the attendee list! There is no way she's going to be there whilst she's so ready to criticise the way I'm going to give birth. The first time round she kept saying 'I am praying that you don't have too much pain for too long', and when I told her I'd be fine because I'd done my HypnoBirthing and it was likely to be a great birth she said I needed to 'trust in God' instead. I wasn't going to have her vocalising this to me during labour, making it all about her and her wish for my 'salvation', rather than respecting my birth plan. That was a FBC birth, so I don't trust her enough for my current plans! Her reasons for wanting to be there were about HER and she still rejects that DS's birth was when it was allowed to be about ME.
Not one single person has an automatic right to be there at the birth, not even the father. Everyone needs to realise it's a privilege and that there are strings attached!

[ubba82]

DH and I had both our mums there. It was fine, they stayed out of the way - mum took photos of the birth and was extra support to me, and MIL was support to DH. With our 2nd it was just DH and I as it will be with our 3rd.

[feeb]

My mum was there for most of the labour, i was induced at 7am and she had to get a bus from country vic so she go to me around 12 noon and had emerg cs at 2132.
She was not in the way she went out for smokes and went and got DH drinks etc