It was interesting today. We had our relatives over for DH's birthday lunch and I was in our baby's nursery with my Mum, MIL, & DH's two Aunty's.
I was showing them the baby things we've bought and they asked about the baby hammock. I told them this is what our baby will be sleeping in for the first few months of life and told them how it works and how it's proven babies sleep better in hammocks than cots and how they wake up and it can rock them back to sleep without you having to go into them and also reduces colic and reflux in babies etc as they aren't lying flat on their backs..... I instantly had them ALL say "haha ok whatever you reckon! You'll see...." and I just said "okaaayy..." moved on to next topic...... like they were sort of saying "oh its your first baby you have nooooo idea"!!! So I instantly felt quite shot down!!
But I've done my research and believe in these baby hammocks!
Then later on..... we were all talking about labour and someone said to me "take ALL the drugs you can get!"and "tick every box just take it all!" and I just smiled and said "i'm going to see how long I can last without it first" but immediately they (Mum, MIL and two Aunty's) all just started going on about when they had labour and took all the drugs etc etc......I just said quietly "I believe we were born to do this and that I know i can do this and I'll just see how it goes, i'm not really scared about it though and don't see why i should be"
Isn't it interesting how the times have changed?? If you talk to younger people you're more likely to hear "yeah just see how you go you may not need anything!!"
Whereas if I talk to people from my Mum's generation they all just make out like birth is the most horrible thing ever and you just don't get much positive stuff out of it!!
They are sooo PRO-drugs and all that stuff.....
I feel so empowered within myself from what i've read here on BB and in my pregnancy books and by talking to others and watching DVD's (such as business of being born) and things like that, I just feel so knowledgable compared to someone who may have birthed their baby 30 yrs ago and had no support or help or knowledge about birth in general. I think talking to Mum and MIL etc you really get the feeling that perhaps they weren't very supported in their own labours because they had horrible experiences!
I also feel that they must think that because I haven't yet gone through labour/birth and this is my first pregnancy that I must be "naive" and "clueless" but actually I'm rather switched on and feel very prepared!!!!
I know babies will keep me up all night long, I know labour is going to hurt, I know that I can have drugs if I want to...... but who says just cos they did it one way that I need to do it that way too?
Thanks for reading. Does anyone else experience this?
Last edited by Shanti; November 23rd, 2008 at 05:24 PM.
Ren - the thing you have to remember - back in their day when they were giving birth - most of them were in stirrups - on their back - unable to move - and giving birth against gravity. No wonder they had drugs!!!! It wouldn't have been the most pleasant experience for them - and times have changed so much (my mum was SHOCKED when i said that I would be aiming for an active birth - with no drugs - even though i didn't get to experience it)
So I don't blame them on what they think is "silly" to try to do in our generation - cos back then it just wasn't done. IYKWIM?
So just let it roll off your back honey - and you SHOW them how its done these days
When i was preg with Chelsea my sister (who has 3 kids and her last was in 2001) told me id need every drug under the sun as well......i was proud that all i had was gas...(but not the proud proud kind cos the drugs won in the end and i wanted drug free births).
Thanks Mel yeah I didnt let it bother me actually. A few weeks ago i would have let it bother me. But not know.
I actually feel sorry for our mum's generation for those having babies 20-30yrs + ago because times have soooooo changed!!!!
We can be so empowered these days. I just wish they'd 'believe' in me like I believe in myself you know? I believe I can labour without drugs if that's what i want to do (even though yes I will take drugs if i feel i really need them im not against them)
and I want other people to believe in my ability to do it also!!!
I guess i just expected more support from family members? but i forgive them for being mis informed
I don't think its a case that they don't feel that you can do it - I think its more of a thing that because of everything they went through, what they would have seen, heard, everything - they wouldn't believe that anyone should go through that.
I showed my mum some births on youtube, and made her read things - to educate her - but the memory of my birth in her mind was far too awful to get past (hence why I am the last child for her) I was posterior, she was induced, and in stirrups the entire time.. I don't blame her for not having more!!!!
I wouldn't even tell them any more of your plans - cos they just aren't going to forget what they went through ya know? You'll just have to tell them your AMAZING, EMPOWERING story once bubs is out
But not just about drugs either, like i'm really excited and really hopeful about this baby hammock we've bought yet they all seemed to think it was like I was putting our baby into the back of a boot or something instead of the cot!!! LOL
They had never seen one before. Yet they kinda made me feel like I have no idea what i'm in for when it comes to sleeping and a newborn baby.... I mean of course I'll be up all night and bubs cry no matter what etc but I believe this baby hammock is best for our baby and it's what I want our baby to sleep in initially anyway! (Mum's the word )
So it would have been cool if they'd all just said "that's great haven't seen one before I hope it really works for you " you know? A positive comment!!!
Why is it so hard for people to be positive about things?!?!?! LOL why is it so easy for negative remarks to come out of peoples mouths.
I'm such a positive person 99% of the time, why can't everyone else be?!?!?! Grrrr LOL
Ren you have such a great attitude towards life and such a positive outlook on what your birth experience will be like. Positive thinking makes a great difference and you have got it girl! More power to you! You are making sure you are well-informed about birth and bringing your little one home and you are going to be a great mum who I am sure I will learn lots from by reading what you have to write. I hope you keep that positive frame of mind and I am so glad that you arent letting other people's negative/dismissive thoughts or opinions get to you!
Stick to your guns Ren! You are going to be an awesome mummy. Your bub will LOVE the hammock. And you will cruise thru labour like its a Sunday afternoon picnic !!!!!
Your head is completely in the right place for what you are trying to achieve and dont let anyone try and change it for you or bring you down.
Ren sorry to hear that your family rained on your parade don't worry you will do it your way and even then they will probably still tell you that you should have done things differently. Unfortunately, for some people its just the way they always are - negative and 'know it alls'!! What happened to people being polite and supportive to your face and then sniggering in the car in the way home
Sweetie I can't wait til your little one comes and to hear your birth story as I remember you getting your BFP!
You will be an awesome mum and super labour champ! Goodluck!
Ren - I think it's awesome that you have done so much research and I wish I'd been as informed before I had #1, I take my hat off to you.
Unfortunately a lot of people think they are experts on pregnancy and babies and voice their opinions (mostly negative) all too often and this is unfortunately just the start of it. Older family members and friends have often commented on decisions and choices I have made and sometimes you just have to let it go and keep doing your thing. For example, most of my family had no idea I was BF Ned until he was 23 months and would have been horrified if they knew we were, but I just didn't mention it and did what I wanted to do, knowing it was the best for both of us.
Just follow your heart and you'll do an amazing job.
i think you have an awesome attitude renstar & i'm glad you're sticking to your guns. you sound informed & positive and gives you the power to make the decision on what you think is best for you.
i haven't told my mum yet, but i know she had a drug-free birth with me 34 years ago. she said she changed her mind about the epidural at one point but by then it was too late so she just got on with it! she was in her early 30's & one of the oldest in the maternity section - she was proud of how she was up & about quickly after the birth & always said she was pleased that i came early enough for her to be able to have bacon & eggs for breakfast!
DP's mum was pretty similar - i think she went for the gas but found out later it wasn't actually working!
i feel confident that they'll support whatever decision we make on the birth & i feel pretty lucky to be in that position.
Don't get me wrong, my MIL and my Mum are very supportive of me and they will support me no matter what but just sometimes you get comments that are "old school" comments kwim?!?! LOL just shows how the times have changed..... its as if people think cos its your first born that you will have nooooo idea on what to do etc but really all the info is there by talking to others, reading about it etc and being informed!!
I don't think the times have changed all that much. In my mother's day they did it without drugs. My mum is obviously a little older than yours!!!! My mum thought my gas thing was fantastic when she saw it in the labour ward. Women a little younger than her had the drugs & a lot of young women now want the drugs.
Pretty much everyone I knew before I gave birth told me to go for the drugs regardless of their age.... young & old. I think when they tell you this they are trying to prepare you for the reality of birth. Some people do get birth with pain that is manageable without drugs but most don't. Most women resort to at least using gas.
IRL over the past 20 or so years I have only met one woman that actually acheived a drug free birth and hers was a water birth. I've only met one other that said it didn't really hurt but she still used gas. All the rest used a combination of gas, peth & epi.
I do hope you get your drug free birth if that's what you wish for, but please don't be disappointed if it doesn't work out that way. Only one woman from my mothers group had the birth she truly wished for. All the other women in the group apart from myself are under 30 & there has been talk of planned c sections in order to avoid labour again. Every young woman I know IRL plans to use drugs in labour. That's why I say not a lot has changed.
Anyway, best of luck for the birth experience you want. By the way not all babies cry all night. I hope you get a calm one like we did. Not one sleepless night so far (touch wood).
I'm completely prepared for the fact that I may need to use drugs and if I do, then I will. It will be no big deal but I am going in with the mindset that i can try to labour as long as possible without needing anything and I think thats the best mind set to have
The whole point of this thread was that I'm tired of being told by others "oh take ALL the drugs you need cos labour and birth is the most horrific thing in the world"
I know its gonna hurt but I just want to hear more positive things about it you know? Just cos someone else couldnt cope with the pain doesnt mean i wont be able to.
In terms of how babies cry, I was only generalising about what my family members were implying to me yesterday iykwim?! Yes some babies are more unsettled than others and some hardly cry. It all depends huh.
How the times have changed....
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but i forgive them for being mis informed 
yup! 
don't worry you will do it your way and even then they will probably still tell you that you should have done things differently. Unfortunately, for some people its just the way they always are - negative and 'know it alls'!! What happened to people being polite and supportive to your face and then sniggering in the car in the way home 
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