It was interesting today. We had our relatives over for DH's birthday lunch and I was in our baby's nursery with my Mum, MIL, & DH's two Aunty's.
I was showing them the baby things we've bought and they asked about the baby hammock. I told them this is what our baby will be sleeping in for the first few months of life and told them how it works and how it's proven babies sleep better in hammocks than cots and how they wake up and it can rock them back to sleep without you having to go into them and also reduces colic and reflux in babies etc as they aren't lying flat on their backs..... I instantly had them ALL say "haha ok whatever you reckon! You'll see...." and I just said "okaaayy..." moved on to next topic...... like they were sort of saying "oh its your first baby you have nooooo idea"!!! So I instantly felt quite shot down!!
But I've done my research and believe in these baby hammocks!
Then later on..... we were all talking about labour and someone said to me "take ALL the drugs you can get!"and "tick every box just take it all!" and I just smiled and said "i'm going to see how long I can last without it first" but immediately they (Mum, MIL and two Aunty's) all just started going on about when they had labour and took all the drugs etc etc......I just said quietly "I believe we were born to do this and that I know i can do this and I'll just see how it goes, i'm not really scared about it though and don't see why i should be"
Isn't it interesting how the times have changed?? If you talk to younger people you're more likely to hear "yeah just see how you go you may not need anything!!"
Whereas if I talk to people from my Mum's generation they all just make out like birth is the most horrible thing ever and you just don't get much positive stuff out of it!!
They are sooo PRO-drugs and all that stuff.....
I feel so empowered within myself from what i've read here on BB and in my pregnancy books and by talking to others and watching DVD's (such as business of being born) and things like that, I just feel so knowledgable compared to someone who may have birthed their baby 30 yrs ago and had no support or help or knowledge about birth in general. I think talking to Mum and MIL etc you really get the feeling that perhaps they weren't very supported in their own labours because they had horrible experiences!
I also feel that they must think that because I haven't yet gone through labour/birth and this is my first pregnancy that I must be "naive" and "clueless" but actually I'm rather switched on and feel very prepared!!!!
I know babies will keep me up all night long, I know labour is going to hurt, I know that I can have drugs if I want to...... but who says just cos they did it one way that I need to do it that way too?
Thanks for reading. Does anyone else experience this?
Last edited by Shanti; November 23rd, 2008 at 05:24 PM.
Ren - the thing you have to remember - back in their day when they were giving birth - most of them were in stirrups - on their back - unable to move - and giving birth against gravity. No wonder they had drugs!!!! It wouldn't have been the most pleasant experience for them - and times have changed so much (my mum was SHOCKED when i said that I would be aiming for an active birth - with no drugs - even though i didn't get to experience it)
So I don't blame them on what they think is "silly" to try to do in our generation - cos back then it just wasn't done. IYKWIM?
So just let it roll off your back honey - and you SHOW them how its done these days
When i was preg with Chelsea my sister (who has 3 kids and her last was in 2001) told me id need every drug under the sun as well......i was proud that all i had was gas...(but not the proud proud kind cos the drugs won in the end and i wanted drug free births).
Thanks Mel yeah I didnt let it bother me actually. A few weeks ago i would have let it bother me. But not know.
I actually feel sorry for our mum's generation for those having babies 20-30yrs + ago because times have soooooo changed!!!!
We can be so empowered these days. I just wish they'd 'believe' in me like I believe in myself you know? I believe I can labour without drugs if that's what i want to do (even though yes I will take drugs if i feel i really need them im not against them)
and I want other people to believe in my ability to do it also!!!
I guess i just expected more support from family members? but i forgive them for being mis informed
I don't think its a case that they don't feel that you can do it - I think its more of a thing that because of everything they went through, what they would have seen, heard, everything - they wouldn't believe that anyone should go through that.
I showed my mum some births on youtube, and made her read things - to educate her - but the memory of my birth in her mind was far too awful to get past (hence why I am the last child for her) I was posterior, she was induced, and in stirrups the entire time.. I don't blame her for not having more!!!!
I wouldn't even tell them any more of your plans - cos they just aren't going to forget what they went through ya know? You'll just have to tell them your AMAZING, EMPOWERING story once bubs is out
But not just about drugs either, like i'm really excited and really hopeful about this baby hammock we've bought yet they all seemed to think it was like I was putting our baby into the back of a boot or something instead of the cot!!! LOL
They had never seen one before. Yet they kinda made me feel like I have no idea what i'm in for when it comes to sleeping and a newborn baby.... I mean of course I'll be up all night and bubs cry no matter what etc but I believe this baby hammock is best for our baby and it's what I want our baby to sleep in initially anyway! (Mum's the word )
So it would have been cool if they'd all just said "that's great haven't seen one before I hope it really works for you " you know? A positive comment!!!
Why is it so hard for people to be positive about things?!?!?! LOL why is it so easy for negative remarks to come out of peoples mouths.
I'm such a positive person 99% of the time, why can't everyone else be?!?!?! Grrrr LOL
Ren you have such a great attitude towards life and such a positive outlook on what your birth experience will be like. Positive thinking makes a great difference and you have got it girl! More power to you! You are making sure you are well-informed about birth and bringing your little one home and you are going to be a great mum who I am sure I will learn lots from by reading what you have to write. I hope you keep that positive frame of mind and I am so glad that you arent letting other people's negative/dismissive thoughts or opinions get to you!
Stick to your guns Ren! You are going to be an awesome mummy. Your bub will LOVE the hammock. And you will cruise thru labour like its a Sunday afternoon picnic !!!!!
Your head is completely in the right place for what you are trying to achieve and dont let anyone try and change it for you or bring you down.
You want to breastfeed, you want to give birth. If anything happens and you don't get this, expect the smugness of "we knew you'd do that, see, we were right!"
It sucks, but it pays to NEVER talk about these things EVER unless you're paying someone to be nice to you first!
Exactly! That's why i haven't really discussed my plans and intentions with anyone unless they ask me!
On Sunday, when they all said take the drugs i just said "yep i'll see how i go first and see if i need them or not but I'm open to taking drugs if need be" (which is the truth)
Same with the baby hammock we have and intend to use in the first few months I said "we'll see how it goes and hopefully it works well and baby sleeps really well in it and if not we'll try the cot"
Sunshine - thats terrible what your FIL said to you!! Well that reminds me what mine said to me!!
I was only about 10 wks pg at the time and we were at the inlaws place i was sitting talking with my MIL about her labour and birth and how painful it all was etc and just general talking you know and my FIL walked past us and said to me "you'll end up having a c.section" and then he continued walking outside to get something. I was like thinking "WTF??" had noooo idea why he said that to me.
When he came back in the house i said to him "what did you mean by that?" and he said "well you won't be able to put up with the pain" and I was flabbergasted!!! Shocked!! Speechless (and I am never speechless!) didn't know what prompted him to say that!!!! I was quite offended but just let it go like water off a ducks back but i've never forgotten it!!
Theres just no need for such negatism especially from a family member who should be supporting me huh!?!
So if I DO end up with the natural drug free labour/birth i so badly want, and want for myself and baby only, then I will be looking forward to saying to him "and guess what? Did it all naturally" blah blah just to rub it in his face LOL haha
Ren, I really hope you can rub it into his face. That is a horrible thing to say what your FIL said to you. No wonder women have lost eh believe in the ability of their bodies.
You know what, my DH even enjoyed rubbing into his father's face. He keeps telling everyone that I'm superwoman lol. I don't feel like that, just that I was in the right environment, had the right people around me and things just happened the way they should happen in the vast majority of cases.
I can top your story, though. When I first fell pregnant and went to my GP for the test and everything, she asked me :"So, have you considered where you will want to birth your baby?" I said "Yes, I was thinking about the new birth centre in the Gold Coast public hospital. But I can't seem to find much info about them, do you have any info for me?" She looked at me with a pitying expression and said: "No, I don't have any info on that. But they won't take you anyway. First babies are high risk, so they won't take them on. And you're obese, so you'll most likely have a c/s anyway."
I went home and I was shattered. I felt so horrible. I felt like I put my baby at risk by letting myself go and just generally had a huuuge guilt trip. That's when I found belly belly. I posted a question about BMI cut-offs at the BC. Turns out, I was nowhere near it. I called them the very next day and they were so shocked at that GPs comments. They got my records off her so I wouldn't have to see her again. I haven't gone back since. In my opinion, she's a disgrace for all doctors. Lucky I'm an assertive person. Otherwise I would have believed her.
About the epi question. I think it is silly and irresponsible to reccommend to women to book them in advance. You don't even know how you're gonna feel. I think the best attitude, if you're not against an epi, is to plan to go without until you feel you need it. My dad's a surgeon in Germany and his anaesthetist is a good friend of the family. He used to make his living by giving epis to women in labour. His words to me were: "Try the best you can to go without. They are not risk free and unless your labour is very long or complicated, instrumental delivery etc. then it is hard to justify that risk."
When you're baby is born (and if you remember too) and you have used that hammock thing for a couple of months can you do a post or just pm me with how you found it. I too have read into these and I think they are a wonderful idea but am interested to know from someone how it worked for them.
Ren, I know exactly how you feel! I wrote a similar post the other day. And what's with thinking that just because your mother had some type of birth yours will be exactly the same??? My mum had c-sections so apparently I will have to too!! wtf?
I have already been told control crying is the only way to go and I'm silly and will have a spoilt baby if I don't do it.
And what's really bugging me at the moment is people always having to make you feel like you don't know anything and you haven't experienced anything yet. I know it's a natural thing to say but it's really bugging me whenever ppl ask something about the pregnancy for example like 'is the baby kicking lots?' and I say 'yeah heaps', all the time the response is always 'oh well wait til you get further along and this happens etc...' Whatever I say... if it's that it's hard to sleep 'Oh wait til you're even bigger' or I'm tired... 'you don't know what tired is until the baby gets here'.
Why can't they just say 'oh that's nice' or 'what's that like' or whatever. lol, I don't know if I'm just being cranky but this is really annoying me right now. I would just like to enjoy the moment please!!
Overall I'm just sick of advice already and I know it's only just started!!! ahh...
I don't think it is neccessarily an age thing, just people talking from their experience, and whether they are willing to analyse and question their experiences (in life generally, not just regarding birth).
If people see the world mainly from one angle, and don't have the ability (or want) to expand their horizons, the advice they give will only be from this angle.
I guess i have been fortunate to have people around me who have had both home births (they would probably be called free births these days) and hospital births 30 years ago, but are genuinely interested in finding out what is available these days, and respecting the different ways we (siblings) choose to birth and raise kids, and support us in our choices.
I also love the idea of the hammock, so please let us know how it goes.
How the times have changed....
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but i forgive them for being mis informed 
I was like thinking "WTF??" had noooo idea why he said that to me. 
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