Sunshine - thats terrible what your FIL said to you!! Well that reminds me what mine said to me!!
I was only about 10 wks pg at the time and we were at the inlaws place i was sitting talking with my MIL about her labour and birth and how painful it all was etc and just general talking you know and my FIL walked past us and said to me "you'll end up having a c.section" and then he continued walking outside to get something. I was like thinking "WTF??" had noooo idea why he said that to me.
When he came back in the house i said to him "what did you mean by that?" and he said "well you won't be able to put up with the pain" and I was flabbergasted!!! Shocked!! Speechless (and I am never speechless!) didn't know what prompted him to say that!!!! I was quite offended but just let it go like water off a ducks back but i've never forgotten it!!
Theres just no need for such negatism especially from a family member who should be supporting me huh!?!
So if I DO end up with the natural drug free labour/birth i so badly want, and want for myself and baby only, then I will be looking forward to saying to him "and guess what? Did it all naturally" blah blah just to rub it in his face LOL haha
Ren, I really hope you can rub it into his face. That is a horrible thing to say what your FIL said to you. No wonder women have lost eh believe in the ability of their bodies.
You know what, my DH even enjoyed rubbing into his father's face. He keeps telling everyone that I'm superwoman lol. I don't feel like that, just that I was in the right environment, had the right people around me and things just happened the way they should happen in the vast majority of cases.
I can top your story, though. When I first fell pregnant and went to my GP for the test and everything, she asked me :"So, have you considered where you will want to birth your baby?" I said "Yes, I was thinking about the new birth centre in the Gold Coast public hospital. But I can't seem to find much info about them, do you have any info for me?" She looked at me with a pitying expression and said: "No, I don't have any info on that. But they won't take you anyway. First babies are high risk, so they won't take them on. And you're obese, so you'll most likely have a c/s anyway."
I went home and I was shattered. I felt so horrible. I felt like I put my baby at risk by letting myself go and just generally had a huuuge guilt trip. That's when I found belly belly. I posted a question about BMI cut-offs at the BC. Turns out, I was nowhere near it. I called them the very next day and they were so shocked at that GPs comments. They got my records off her so I wouldn't have to see her again. I haven't gone back since. In my opinion, she's a disgrace for all doctors. Lucky I'm an assertive person. Otherwise I would have believed her.
About the epi question. I think it is silly and irresponsible to reccommend to women to book them in advance. You don't even know how you're gonna feel. I think the best attitude, if you're not against an epi, is to plan to go without until you feel you need it. My dad's a surgeon in Germany and his anaesthetist is a good friend of the family. He used to make his living by giving epis to women in labour. His words to me were: "Try the best you can to go without. They are not risk free and unless your labour is very long or complicated, instrumental delivery etc. then it is hard to justify that risk."
When you're baby is born (and if you remember too) and you have used that hammock thing for a couple of months can you do a post or just pm me with how you found it. I too have read into these and I think they are a wonderful idea but am interested to know from someone how it worked for them.
Ren, I know exactly how you feel! I wrote a similar post the other day. And what's with thinking that just because your mother had some type of birth yours will be exactly the same??? My mum had c-sections so apparently I will have to too!! wtf?
I have already been told control crying is the only way to go and I'm silly and will have a spoilt baby if I don't do it.
And what's really bugging me at the moment is people always having to make you feel like you don't know anything and you haven't experienced anything yet. I know it's a natural thing to say but it's really bugging me whenever ppl ask something about the pregnancy for example like 'is the baby kicking lots?' and I say 'yeah heaps', all the time the response is always 'oh well wait til you get further along and this happens etc...' Whatever I say... if it's that it's hard to sleep 'Oh wait til you're even bigger' or I'm tired... 'you don't know what tired is until the baby gets here'.
Why can't they just say 'oh that's nice' or 'what's that like' or whatever. lol, I don't know if I'm just being cranky but this is really annoying me right now. I would just like to enjoy the moment please!!
Overall I'm just sick of advice already and I know it's only just started!!! ahh...
I don't think it is neccessarily an age thing, just people talking from their experience, and whether they are willing to analyse and question their experiences (in life generally, not just regarding birth).
If people see the world mainly from one angle, and don't have the ability (or want) to expand their horizons, the advice they give will only be from this angle.
I guess i have been fortunate to have people around me who have had both home births (they would probably be called free births these days) and hospital births 30 years ago, but are genuinely interested in finding out what is available these days, and respecting the different ways we (siblings) choose to birth and raise kids, and support us in our choices.
I also love the idea of the hammock, so please let us know how it goes.
I can relate. Heaps of people told me to take the drugs, to formula feed, to have an episiotomy etc etc. And the were a couple of parenting issues where people told me I just didn't understand what it would be like and I would see how wrong I was. I felt like people thought I was so naive. But as someone said, they were just validating their own experiences.
I am happy to say I stuck to my guns, I got the birth I wanted, I breastfeed successfully and I DID know what I was talking about when it came to those parenting issues and we've done exactly what we said we would.
You are prepared. Don't doubt that. (I did).
ETA - I should say that there are times when you can't have the birth you wanted, but in my case there was nothing to stop me but my own wimpyness - so sticking to my guns was all I needed. Sometimes guns and stickiness aren't enough because of external forces.
I honestly think most ppl just want to tell there birth experience and i don't think they tell of the horror stories just to scare other ppl off they just want to be heard...if that makes sense. Everyone has a right to tell of there experience unfortunately sometimes it just isn't in the right place.
Renstar do what you think is right because that is what all of us as mothers aim to do, you will come across hurdles and you will leap across them but also don't beat yourself up when something isn't going quite right, there will be plenty of those days but the good days will always out weigh the bad ones!
Gabi - thanks hun, yep i agree. Sometimes women can do all they can to try and have a natural drug free birth but other factors out of their control occur etc..... noone is guaranteed a natural birth but if we can strive and aim for one then thats a step in the right direction! (that is of course if thats what we want, some don't) and at the end of the day, we can only do our BEST.
Danni - thanks hun. I just get annoyed by some ppl because i am generally a really positive person in life and others aren't so positive iykwim!! LOL its like they carry real chips on their shoulders just cos they didnt get the birth they want but why should others have to feel bad for that? ykwim?
Kate - there is a thread about hammocks in here somewhere with people's experiences, they are meant to be great! if i had time i could find you the link! its under baby nursery equipment section.
Sara - yeah i think too, by ppl like your Mum saying "you will have c/s too" she is just trying to validate her feelings like the others have said, and make herself feel better by saying it iykwim? She probably feels she didnt have much control or much say when she birthed her babies or perhaps she was full of fear? or perhaps she really had some medical issues that were out of her control? (i dont know the story) whereas you are the opposite, you know your options and you arent letting fear get the better of you so you can strive for the birth you so desire. all you can do is just say to your Mum "mum, i am aiming for a natural birth as that is what i so want and hopefully i can get it there is no reason to think otherwise"
Sunshine - lol thanks. That's disgusting about that GP and what they said to you. far out!!
Last edited by Shanti; December 1st, 2008 at 01:47 PM.
I was like thinking "WTF??" had noooo idea why he said that to me.
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yeah i think too, by ppl like your Mum saying "you will have c/s too" she is just trying to validate her feelings like the others have said, and make herself feel better by saying it iykwim? She probably feels she didnt have much control or much say when she birthed her babies or perhaps she was full of fear? or perhaps she really had some medical issues that were out of her control? (i dont know the story) whereas you are the opposite, you know your options and you arent letting fear get the better of you so you can strive for the birth you so desire. all you can do is just say to your Mum "mum, i am aiming for a natural birth as that is what i so want and hopefully i can get it there is no reason to think otherwise"
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