My to be MIL kept telling me to take all the drugs dont be a silly girl have a c section because birth is savage (her word not mine). She made it so scary for me told DP I would be a 'sook' the whole time etc. Needless to say she is not on the xmas card list
I think when people say "have the drugs" you need to remember that they are really only talking from their perspective of labour and birth. Everyone's experiences are different.
You'll do great Renee! Think of yourself as a pioneer of modern birth for your older family members LOL! I'm sure once you've had your bub and they see how well you did they will all change their minds
It's also important to remember that EVERYONE wants validation, and they want to feel that what they did was right. If they agree with everything you're doing, maybe they feel they're saying they did it wrong. I think it comes down to everyone wanting to be acknowledged for the way they have done things, and more often than not, we don't get acknowledgement.
My mum for example found childbirth excruciating but I didnt' know that until I told her how I felt. I think she has never shared that with anyone before, whereas now days we tell all about our birth experience. I think back then (for my mum and her social cirlce at least) they had to grin and bear it. Letting mum talk about it now validate's what she went through. I can say to her "wow thanks mum for all that you went through to have me ,it must've been tough). And really she did so much for me that went unthanked by anyone, that for us to say we don't want to take their advice, it probably hurts.
So I wouldn't at all think theyre' being negative or unsupportive, I think they just want to feel that they did things right.
I hope you have a wonderful birth xxo
Webbmeg - thats a great way of looking at it.... you're right about the validation side of things. And fair enough too huh.... everyone needs acknowledgement for what they went through, good or bad
I think once I go through labour/birth with this bub, I'll be able to say to Mum "thanks for going through all that for me!!" as I'll understand it all better.
I'm just sooo damn excited about the soon to be labour and birth of our first child!!! It's so exciting!! I just can't wait to experience it all...... the good and the bad!! But when i say that to people they think i'm mad for thinking like that
Your next birth will be just as you hoped hun And even if it isn't, you tried. And you were excited about it all and that's what matters! We go in with a positive mind huh.
Ren, could you get some recent books on labour, birth and parenting for your rellos to read? I was extremely fortunate in that my mum started reading a ton of magazines on pregnancy and parenting and was always saying "Things have changed so much!". She had four kids with no drugs, up in stirrups with my dad safely locked out of the room. Imagine that? How horrible for her and all women who had to endure that back then (the birth in a room full of strangers that is). She didn't ever offer unwanted comments or advice though, and didn't blink an eyelid when I begged for an epidural (which I did without) or when my sister did a year later. She understands that each woman, labour and birth is different and now that our babies are here, she is still happy to learn 'new' parenting techniques and fandaggled contraptions like my hug-a-bub.
Sorry, this has turned into a post about my mum.
It's hard when the people around you aren't supportive, especially when you're so excited.
Overall my Mum has been SUPER supportive, don't get me wrong! She's just awesome! And sooo excited about it all!!! (her 2nd grandchild) just sometimes she's a bit "old school" in her way of thinking just like the rest of the rellies were on Sunday. Just got me thinking about how times have changed so much or perhaps like someone else said, they had a horrible birth experience and believe that that is how it is for all of us... kwim?
Anyways, I'm still positive about my impending birth and SUPER excited and noone can change that hehe
You want to breastfeed, you want to give birth. If anything happens and you don't get this, expect the smugness of "we knew you'd do that, see, we were right!"
It sucks, but it pays to NEVER talk about these things EVER unless you're paying someone to be nice to you first!
Exactly! That's why i haven't really discussed my plans and intentions with anyone unless they ask me!
On Sunday, when they all said take the drugs i just said "yep i'll see how i go first and see if i need them or not but I'm open to taking drugs if need be" (which is the truth)
Same with the baby hammock we have and intend to use in the first few months I said "we'll see how it goes and hopefully it works well and baby sleeps really well in it and if not we'll try the cot"
Ironically i met with the head of Obs yesterday and we briefly discussed my pending birth - i mentioned to him that I had every intention to have a natural, drug free, intervention free labour - he told me i was mad and that I should order the EPI now - I laughed as i have had the EPI previously and only received 20 minutes of relief - i told him that for me personally it wasn't worth it - it didn't fulfill my expectations and that I would rather go without - either way its very interesting to have people give you advice when they're not the ones at the business end - good luck with your pending birth - i hope that you achieve exactly what you're hoping for - what ever happens
Ren - I know exactly what you mean in this post!! Older family members think that they are all so experienced, blah, blah and yes, to a certain extent they know some stuff that you have yet to experienced.
However, you go with what YOU think is best for your baby!!!!! and don't think the 'advice' stops here - wait until the baby is born, and you will get all sorts of other advice that may have to listen to, but not take. My mother was so much like this, don't do this, we did this....blah, blah....
This 2nd time around, I am happy to say I feel more confident to do what my hubby and I want to do in terms of caring for our baby.
and positive - yes, you are incredibly positive - good for you - this is a wonderful trait to have and don't let others comments let you down or put doubts in your mind about your mothering skills - they will be just wonderful !!
Renstar, don't listen to them. You know, THEY HAVE NO IDEA!
I had people say the same things to me. My FIL laughed at me when I said I was going to a birth centre and wanting to do it naturally without drugs. He actually said: "You won't be able to do it without drugs. it really, really hurts, believe me!" What??? BELIEVE ME??? How many babies has he given birth to??? And how would he know how I can handle the situation. He doesn't even know whether I have a high or low pain threshold.
I had a slightly different experience to you though, as my own parents were more along the lines: "Thousands of generations of women have done this wihtout drugs, so why couldn't you."
Although, when I mentioned the possibility of a water birth, my mum was really against it. until she witnessed the waterbirth of my baby girl and since then she's the biggest supporter of waterbirth.
So, even though they might have had 10 children, if they have never experienced a well supported natural birth, they really don't know what they're talking about.
There's a link to my birth story in my siggie, if you want to read a story about how it can be done.
And about the hammock, I am a bit sad that I didn't know about them when DD was still little. I do believe they would work. DD slept best in the Hug A Bub which also had continuous motion, as I was moving around.
Get used to it, they will continue to patronise you and criticise you for your parenting decisions. Just don't listen. Pick the things that sound good to you, but ignore the rest. Listen to your instincts. They have served our species well for hundreds of thousands of years.
Sunshine - thats terrible what your FIL said to you!! Well that reminds me what mine said to me!!
I was only about 10 wks pg at the time and we were at the inlaws place i was sitting talking with my MIL about her labour and birth and how painful it all was etc and just general talking you know and my FIL walked past us and said to me "you'll end up having a c.section" and then he continued walking outside to get something. I was like thinking "WTF??" had noooo idea why he said that to me.
When he came back in the house i said to him "what did you mean by that?" and he said "well you won't be able to put up with the pain" and I was flabbergasted!!! Shocked!! Speechless (and I am never speechless!) didn't know what prompted him to say that!!!! I was quite offended but just let it go like water off a ducks back but i've never forgotten it!!
Theres just no need for such negatism especially from a family member who should be supporting me huh!?!
So if I DO end up with the natural drug free labour/birth i so badly want, and want for myself and baby only, then I will be looking forward to saying to him "and guess what? Did it all naturally" blah blah just to rub it in his face LOL haha
Ren, I really hope you can rub it into his face. That is a horrible thing to say what your FIL said to you. No wonder women have lost eh believe in the ability of their bodies.
You know what, my DH even enjoyed rubbing into his father's face. He keeps telling everyone that I'm superwoman lol. I don't feel like that, just that I was in the right environment, had the right people around me and things just happened the way they should happen in the vast majority of cases.
I can top your story, though. When I first fell pregnant and went to my GP for the test and everything, she asked me :"So, have you considered where you will want to birth your baby?" I said "Yes, I was thinking about the new birth centre in the Gold Coast public hospital. But I can't seem to find much info about them, do you have any info for me?" She looked at me with a pitying expression and said: "No, I don't have any info on that. But they won't take you anyway. First babies are high risk, so they won't take them on. And you're obese, so you'll most likely have a c/s anyway."
I went home and I was shattered. I felt so horrible. I felt like I put my baby at risk by letting myself go and just generally had a huuuge guilt trip. That's when I found belly belly. I posted a question about BMI cut-offs at the BC. Turns out, I was nowhere near it. I called them the very next day and they were so shocked at that GPs comments. They got my records off her so I wouldn't have to see her again. I haven't gone back since. In my opinion, she's a disgrace for all doctors. Lucky I'm an assertive person. Otherwise I would have believed her.
About the epi question. I think it is silly and irresponsible to reccommend to women to book them in advance. You don't even know how you're gonna feel. I think the best attitude, if you're not against an epi, is to plan to go without until you feel you need it. My dad's a surgeon in Germany and his anaesthetist is a good friend of the family. He used to make his living by giving epis to women in labour. His words to me were: "Try the best you can to go without. They are not risk free and unless your labour is very long or complicated, instrumental delivery etc. then it is hard to justify that risk."
When you're baby is born (and if you remember too) and you have used that hammock thing for a couple of months can you do a post or just pm me with how you found it. I too have read into these and I think they are a wonderful idea but am interested to know from someone how it worked for them.
Ren, I know exactly how you feel! I wrote a similar post the other day. And what's with thinking that just because your mother had some type of birth yours will be exactly the same??? My mum had c-sections so apparently I will have to too!! wtf?
I have already been told control crying is the only way to go and I'm silly and will have a spoilt baby if I don't do it.
And what's really bugging me at the moment is people always having to make you feel like you don't know anything and you haven't experienced anything yet. I know it's a natural thing to say but it's really bugging me whenever ppl ask something about the pregnancy for example like 'is the baby kicking lots?' and I say 'yeah heaps', all the time the response is always 'oh well wait til you get further along and this happens etc...' Whatever I say... if it's that it's hard to sleep 'Oh wait til you're even bigger' or I'm tired... 'you don't know what tired is until the baby gets here'.
Why can't they just say 'oh that's nice' or 'what's that like' or whatever. lol, I don't know if I'm just being cranky but this is really annoying me right now. I would just like to enjoy the moment please!!
Overall I'm just sick of advice already and I know it's only just started!!! ahh...
Reply With Quote
BellyBelly Member
as I'll understand it all better.
But when i say that to people they think i'm mad for thinking like that
I appreciate that!!
I was like thinking "WTF??" had noooo idea why he said that to me.
Bookmarks