Stacey, big hugs! What you're going through is a form of grief. There's nothing easy about grief. You get through this any way you can, but be gentle on yourself. You don't have to feel grateful that bubs is healthy or anything you think you "should" feel. You feel exactly what you feel - disappointment, loss, whatever. We know that at the end of the day, you're going to love your baby - that's a given, so between now & when you do fall in love with your baby, look after you, feel what you feel & share the grief with your DH - he's probably feeling it too.