Today I had my big scan. Everything was perfect, bubby's growing beautifully and the lady kept saying it was so well behaved as it kept getting in the perfect positions for her to measure everything. I know I should be over the moon right now, but I'm furious!!
DH was dead against finding out the sex of our bub. We had a surprise with DD and I just wanted something different this time. This maybe my last pregnancy so I wanted to know what it felt like knowing whats on the way. DH would not budge or give me any leeway what so ever! When the lady asked me I was fighting back tears as I desperately did want to know. I am the one that went through 4 months of m/s, I am carrying it for 9 months, I will be giving birth to it, breast feeding it, changing it... Why don't I get a say?! I just feel in the end it should be my decision, it that wrong of me??
With DD I really didn't mind either way if we found out so having a surprise was great, but when it came to the decision about pain killers during labour, once again DH was dead against it and even during the labour he told the MW not to give me an Epi even though I was screaming for one. I had a terrible delivery and sustained a 3rd deg tear from it all and went through 8 months of pain everyday... If I had an Epi I probably wouldn't have had to feel every litlte bit of that tear during the delivery and may have helped not feel every stitch I recieved. Once again I am not allowed the Epi.
Please don't get me wrong I really love DH but I can't help but feel pure anger towards him right now. Has anyone else felt like this??? I really hate feeling like this and treating him the way I am right now, I just can't help it. I can't stop crying and I am snapping at poor DD way too much atm and all I can think is he brought this upon all of us.
Thanks for the vent. Would love to hear from anyone who have had a similar thing with DH making decisions without so much as a thought for you.
my dp didnt want to find out i went tpo my ultrasound my self and just asked i was lucky he wasnt there and bub showed i ended up telling him as u can see her girly bits ont he scan pic
i sujest if u can and if its avalible go to a scan place that does private scans and get one done that way u can find out and bond with bub
with the labour issue i told dp if he starts dictating ill be asking him to leave till he comes back to his sences its us giving birth we need as much encouragment and love not a dictatorship
Sorry but your DH would not ALLOW you to have a epi???? Who is the woman in labour here? No it isn't nomal. As for the not allowing you to know the sex. WHy can't you know and he not?
my DH is adament about not knowing, as he was with DD1. This time I decided I wanted to know, even if he didn't, so I just got him to go out of the room for the ultrasound technician to tell me. It's your right to know just as much as it is his right not to. As for the labour- oh my! He needs to back OFF!
Aww Tiff , I'm so sorry your DH wouldn't let you find out the gender of your bub and I'm so sorry he wouldn't support your request for an epi during your labour .
I would be feeling upset if I were in the same situation too. I think your DH needs a good talking to by someone, it is completely unfair to take away your rights and wishes like that. I think it's a fair compromise that you find out this bub's gender seeing as you didn't find out last time. Maybe you need to sit down for a really big chat about how his actions make you feel. Tell him what it would mean to you if you could find out the gender and tell him how it affected you that you didn't feel supported during labour. Say things like "When you said xyz, it made me feel like this...", rather than "You made me feel...", etc.
Big hugs lovely . There is one thing I know for sure about your bub, he or she will be GORGEOUS!
Pish honey, you are the one going through the pain of labour. You get the choice of painkillers and I believe (someone correct me if I'm wrong) the doctors and midwives are required to listen to you.
Your anger is completely justified - your body and your decision. He can have a say in painkillers when he is the one pushing the baby out.
Has he at least given a reason why he's not 'allowing' you to have them?
The gender decision was something me and DH warred a little over, whether we would or not. In the end - its still a surprise whether you find out now or at the birth. But relationships are about compromise and he needs to meet you in the middle and not expect it his way. This is something me and my DH have been learning. We decided that I would know and he wouldn't. But then he changed his mind quickly and decided it would be fun to know as DD was not known til birth anyway.
However the drugs in childbirth - that isn't need to be compromised on. It's definitely a tough situation to be in. I hope something can be worked out.
At one stage he did say that I could find out, then as I got talking to people about it he changed his mind. We talked about it again on the weekend (well we fought about it) he said again that I could find out but he'd be really upset and I couldn't tell anyone, to which I said I'd tell my besty and my mum then he lost it with me. That night he got crazy drunk and had D&M with his besty telling him how much I hurt him blah blah blah and they both made me feel like absolute rubbish! Then he kept going on about how much I hurt him after that... Why do I have to feel guilty?! Grrrr
Tiff I am really sorry you are going through this at the moment. I am angry at your DH too!!! I was washing the dishes earlier and just thinking if I was you, I would kick him out of the room, and find out the sex. You are right, you are going through this, and your choice to find out is as valid to you as his is to not find out. So why can't you find out and then keep it from him if it's that important! Maybe you can ring back the place where you had the scan and ask the Sonographer if she did actually see what it was and to tell you over the phone!!?
As far as the epi goes, I would be stating VERY clearly that you will chose however you see fit on the day, and tough luck to him. YOu are the one going through it and you have every right to make your own decision. If he wants you to go through it naturally (but not what you want), then you tell him that you will personally give him vasectomy AT HOME with a blunt kitchen knife!!!
I told my DH that in a day and age where I CAN have something to help me, then I will take it if I need it THANK YOU!!
with the gender, i think he's being a childish prat going and sooking to his friend and then playing guilt games. next time you see your care provider, ask if it is written on the scan results (DD's was!) and find out anyway. he shouldn't stop you knowing something
with the pain killers - sorry, i'd be telling him he wasn't welcome in the labour ward if he can't respoct your wishes with regards to how your labour progresses. he has never, and will never, go through labour - and as much as he can encourage you to do what you initially want with respect to your birth plan, he cannot deny you pain meds - and ANY medico that took his word for it isn't worth their salt. they should be sending him out and talking to you between contractions to confirm YOUR wishes. YOUR body, YOU birth - to hell with his opinion. talk to your middy or doc NOW about this - they need to have it noted on your file that he is to make NO decisions regarding your care - and if you're asking for meds and he is trying to talk you out of it, he should be asked to leave the room to allow you to decide
I'm not even pregnant and have already discussed with DH whether we'd be finding out the sex, and if he said no then i'd find out without him there. You can't stop one person from not wanting something, so if he doesn't want to find out that's fine but he shouldn't stop you from finding out. I'd be making another u/s appt and going by myself. But that's just me you have to be happy with what you choose.
it's a tough position to be in and hopefully you can get what you want. Maybe compare it to something he values. I find that works with my DH, because if you compare it to something they understand they are more likely to agree to things.
I feel so bitter and angry!
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks