I'm not even pregnant and have already discussed with DH whether we'd be finding out the sex, and if he said no then i'd find out without him there. You can't stop one person from not wanting something, so if he doesn't want to find out that's fine but he shouldn't stop you from finding out. I'd be making another u/s appt and going by myself. But that's just me you have to be happy with what you choose.
it's a tough position to be in and hopefully you can get what you want. Maybe compare it to something he values. I find that works with my DH, because if you compare it to something they understand they are more likely to agree to things.
as all the other posters have said, you need to be able to make the decisions that affect your body, during your labour. i think your dh needs to grow up and get his head out of his backside.
he had no right putting the guilties on you, and i think maybe you need to set some boundaries in place.
sorry you're going through this chickie, i have an extremely supportive dp, so i have no experience in what you are going through, i just know that you don't have to.
Oh hun I am so sorry your going through this the girls have given you great advice so I wont repeat it!
But I would be asking the sex at a routine checkup..do they have a scan thing in the room? And then dont tell DH what it is..make sure you tell him you are finding out though cause it may cause more trouble if you dont xxx
I'd just like to say that at our 20 week scan we chose not to find out our baby's gender (although I did tell the u/sound lady, if it showed up it was ok), DH was not there at the time, I took a girlfriend with me. This decision was made because DH did not want to know. I went along with it, because I didn't know if I could keep it from him. It was recorded on to the DVD and when I came home I sat and went thru it, over and over til I found it, then rang back to confirm what I thought I had seen. I'm now 38 weeks, DH still doesn't know what we're having, my eldest son does, my youngest does not. I have also told a few close friends that I know would not tell. I also had my Ob confirm it for me at a later date, however when DH came with me to a later appointment, he told the Ob he did not want to know and that area was avoided during that scan.
Is it possible for you to find out by yourself. It's not too hard a secret to keep, I just keep changing from him/her, she/he whenever I talk about bub, we've discussed both "types" of names. When I have bought clothes I've been alone (or with my eldest son - which is how he found out).
I'd be talking with the midwifes/doctors and letting them know that you will be making the decisions as to what pain relief you will be using. This is not your DH's decision, you are the one going through this, does he say why he doesn't want you using pain relief.
I am so sorry that your DH is being so disrepectful to you and your wishes.... i think it's fair enough for you to find out the sex of your baby, fine if he doesnt want to know but why should you not be allowed to find out just because he doesnt want to know.
As for the not being ALLOWED to have a Epi , i dont think he has any right in telling you what you can and cant have during labour ...... they have no idea what our bodies go through to birth our gorgeous bubba's.
I wouldve found out what I am having if DH wasn't so set on not finding out...and i can live with that.... we will both keep it a surprise for the day as something we can enjoy together rather than finding out seperately.
I don't think it's right for him to dictate to you that that is what you should be doing, instead he should be giving you a pretty good reason for not wanting to find out. then one of you changing your decision (not always necessarily him)....
As for the epi, yes ultimately it is your choice and your experience sounds horrible and i'm so sorry that happened... does he have a reason for not wanting you to have it other than a natural labour??? I would be getting someone to sit down with him and explain everything about it to him - pros and cons... maybe he has just heard cons about it and is worried about you and the baby?
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Tiff
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