Inappropriate pregnancy announcement reactions

[Epacris]

or I could just deck 'em!

[Liz]

soooooo.... was it planned?

*ducks*

[Snacks]

Yup, definitely diff'rent strokes!
Liz, I disagree. I don't think it's like being offended by a pregnancy announcement at all. Of course everyone knows you have to have sex to get pregnant - that's the point: why would you need more details?

Vic, thanks for that explanation. I think I get where you're coming from.

If someone says, no, it wasn't planned... what do you say then? Don't you feel like (unless they are a VERY good friend) you are getting into 'none-of-my-business' territory?

[{sarah}]

When we told a certain person that i was pregnant the third time, this person said "oh really, that obviously wasn't planned." But the one that took that cake was very soon after in the same conversation, "well if this one was natural & DS was natural, what was IVF, a science experiment?" UMMMMM NO! That science experiment is your grandchild.

[Liz]

aah.. I was just having a laugh. But I still don't get the correlation of asking if it's planned and prying into someone's sexlife. Similar to a pregnancy announcement not being an announcement that I had sex.

I dunno... i just see it as part of someone's story. It's a bit like asking how someone proposed.. it's just all part of the story. Or is that rude too??

[thepixie]

OMG sarah that's one of the most offensive things I've ever heard

[peanutter]

wow - this thread is running hot again!!

I think at the emd of the day, different questions/assumptions/attitudes will hit hot buttons for different people.

As I said, I didn't get too angry about this one (but understand that it would be offensive to some) and more was surprised that anyone would be shocked that someone of my age, married several years, and who openly had voiced the desire to have babies would (oh, horrors) be pregnant ...

But I got really narky when people kept on assuming I was going to quit my job and be a SAHM. :shakeshead:

I don't know why it wound me up so much, but I felt really judged and condemned by people who clearly don't think it's appropriate for the woman to work while the man is at home ...

while I'm sure lots of people wouldn't be offended by those assumptions ... I guess different things just push different buttons

[Snacks]

Sex is part and parcel of pregnancy announcements, sure. No argument there. The difference is that that's assumed knowledge and doesn't need to be elaborated on (unless the announcer particularly wants to I guess). I do think that if you ask for more details then that's prying. Some people are ok with it, I wouldn't be. Not even from my sister, my mother or my best friend. I might volunteer information but I'd think them insensitive if they asked me.
But there's difference also in the amount people are willing to share... I've a friend who shared WAY more than I was comfortable with when she was TTC. *shudder* Still trying to get over that one, LOL!

[peanutter]

But there's difference also in the amount people are willing to share... I've a friend who shared WAY more than I was comfortable with when she was TTC. *shudder* Still trying to get over that one, LOL!

There's also a difference in how much people are willing to ask ... I have one friend who (in the middle of a dinner party, might I add) asked over the table (and no, she was not directly opposite me) with questions like, "Hey, peanutter, what's a plug?" etc ...

ah, the wonderfully inquisitive minds of my friends ...

[~Raven~]

Tell them yes it was and you are planning on having 10 of them

[thecolourbrown]

Gosh, reading this thread I think I have come off very lightly. I had a few "was it planned" but I just thought it was funny and a slightly strange question (which is what I said to the people asking). But I'm pretty sure it is just a way for them to be conversational about it, I really don't see any judgement at all.
But if I said to someone "I've got some wonderful news..." and they replied with a negative I would find that really strange & hurtful, I'm sorry for the ladies that have experienced that.

[Fleur]

*deep breath*

I have to confess to being on the other side of this .
When Pie's FDC carer told me she was pregnant, my first response was Congratulations...and then the mouth went before the brain & I blurted 'was it planned?' totally unthinking, I was very surprised as I had had the impression they were done.
And when I left there, it hit me what I had said, and i spent all day feeling absolutely horrible. When I went to pick Pie up that afternoon the first thing I said was 'I'm so sorry for what I said this morning, that was such a rude thing to say, i just didn't think etc etc'.
She laughed & said it was ok, they had had a lot of it and yes they had said they were done but changed their minds. I guess I got off lightly

So please, I apologise on behalf of all those who have ever suffered a MAJOR case of foot-in-mouth - *running away now*

ETA - although reading this thread, some of those comments are just so nasty, I can't believe anyone would think that, let alone say it

[didispunk]

I love that one.. Was it planned?? mmmmmm have sex unprotected and mmmmm its a good chance!

[xXHopeXx]

Tbh, I really don't care when people ask me! I've had it with nearly every person we've told (I assume it's because of my age lol) and I just say "yeh kinda" because that's the truth!

I'm like Liz in the sense that I don't see it as prying, I guess people are just curious and want to know abit more about your journey and thought patterns?

I know I've asked, and people never cared, they openly answered and said yes or no, but then, maybe the groups I associate see things differently to how others do? But then, I've heard others are pregnant and just said congrats and didn't ask if they had planned it, I think it also depends on how well you know the person, their situation (I.e. If they're single, it obviously wasn't planned lol) and just the general situation when they tell you?

Maybe they aren't sure what to say when theyre told youre expecting and so that's why they ask? Lol.
AFM - I know most people who have asked have done so because DH and I are married and just simply WONDER how we expect to lay out our lives?
Whereas others are just simply finding a way to express and confirm their disagreeance with our choices lol, either way I don't care, as it's our life, and if they don't like it, they can sod off and stay away because I don't want people who aren't happy for us then I don't want their fake attitudes and them silently judging us around.

But that's just my opinion

[PumpkinZulu]

Well DF and I have pretty much told everyone we're utd (our own reasons for announcing early ) and guess what? So far, not ONE was it planned!!! My mum was over the moon, I've got Congrats and well wishes. Got one, 'so you were obviously trying then?' from someone, and a rather biatchy text from a'friend' my own age who said, 'Don't you think it's a bit early to be celebrating?' But overall very positive. I'm sure when we tell MIL it will be a lot worse, but that won't be for a while!

[mummydreamer]

that's a weird question to ask, i think. it is really none of their business. when i announced this baby on FB one of my friends on there (that i don't really talk to IRL) asked me if it was planned, and i was like...WTF ??? i just ignored her question and didn't answer. but yeh, i get your frustration after having been asked it so many times. i just wouldn't answer or say it's none of their business.