I'd love to hear from other people who are in a similar situation to myself.
I have been with my partner for 7 years We have lived together for the past 3years. We are now pregnant and both very happy about it but I am constantly being asked "So when are you going to get married?" or "You need that commitment"
It ends up stressing me out. Please don't get me wrong I would love to get married but I am also very comfortable and secure with my partner. I feel like I am constantly justifying this to others.
Don't really know why we havent gotten engaged over the years. We always talk about getting married and our future together. The only thing I can put it down to is that my partner and I don't have the best role models for marriage as everyone in both our families are all divorced.
Sorry to be going on a bit..I just don't know how to deal with the pressure. I feel like my mum is planning my wedding when I am not even engaged yet!
Hi Ali,
I understand exactly how you feel. I have been together with my partner for 5 years and in that time we've attempted to get married twice.... both times have ended disasterously and with us still unmarried. I've come to the conclusion that something or someone out there doesn't want us to get married...lol
But since I've fallen pregnant it's all we've heard about too!!!
Try and remember that it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks only you and your partner matter in this and if you are happy and committed to each other and raising this baby the best way you possibly can then thats all that matters - it's only a piece of paper not a guarantee
we had a similar thing and everyone started asking the question but the thing is once you have the bub - people will ask when the next is coming.... its never ending!
We always told people (and its the total truth for us) that we had planned to do the kid thing before marriage so we can have our kids actually in the wedding - making it a real family day- now we have been engaged for a year and the pressure is now on us to give a date for it! We are in no rush though... we have happy as is and it will happen one day!
Just know that what you do it up to you and therefore cant be wrong if it makes you guys happy
I'm giggling at the idea of you guys eloping and not telling anyone, and then say in a years time when someone asks you, you can say 'we're already married'. Or, have a 'one year anniversary' party. :P
Forgot to say that all ours got DH's name. I'd never be cruel enough to hand over my surname!! It's Irish & looooong!!
DH said a few times that we should just run away & elope! Less stress!
My uncle's 1 year anniversary was within days of my wedding. I went up to him saying I beat you to find out they were married!!
They took the kids to Sea World & got married while there. Their DD was 11 & DS was 9. It was just the 4 of them & noone else knew til after.
I wish someone had told me at SOME stage though!!!
Df and I aren't married, been looong engagement, lol. We already have DD and #2 on the way, we have a mortgage so to me its already like we are married just unofficially, we've never felt the need to do it.
We decided one day when we can afford Las Vegas we'll go there and elope, so now when we get asked we tell everyone "oh prolly in 20 years time" and we get funny looks then. Hopefully we can afford before then.
With names the kids get his surname, Df felt really strongly about that one, does get bit tricky at times when making appts and things cause you have to point out that its different surname to myself and all that.
Hey I am another long term engagee here DP and I have been together 10 years in November and engaged prob'ly the last 4??? It's been so long it's hard to keep track. Initially we had heaps of questions from family and friends about 'when' and 'have we set a date?' and all of that. As time has gone on, it is only the diehard friends that we don't see very often that continue to raise the issue of setting a date. It just hasn't been a huge priority - it will definitely happen one day though. We do have plans but they will probably not be realised for a couple of years yet! I agree with Shell, DP and I have two mortgages now and a bub on the way. It's not that different to marriage and feels like a lifelong commitment to me.
Thankfully with no. 1 on the way, no one has started that stuff up again for us (although we have only really told immediate family and a couple of v. close friends so far). I would say that if family or friends persist in asking about a future wedding and they want details or start telling you their ideas (like the Fiji thing) then it says more about them/their needs or wants, than it does about you (that's what I found anyway). True friends will accept your relationship status and the priorities you have after minimal discussion.
I had my family on my back about getting married the first time I got PG, the when we M/C it stopped. We got engaged Sept last year then fell PG in Oct/Nov and it started again and is still going. We had no intention of getting married before our first child because we want our first in the wedding. As far as future children go, DF is adamant on 2 but I want 3 so we are not sure when we will get married (before or after). Whenever we get around to it I guess
DF has also said on numerous time you organise it & Ill be there lol But we we aiming for 2010 ish
Don't worry about it... if you get married first, people just hassle you about "And when are you going to have kids?"
I do think that marriage is more than just a piece of paper. It's a declaration to the public that you are committed to be with your partner forever. But if it's not for you, then it's not for you. Make the decision, and live it proudly and confidently.
But if you do want to go for it, I think you could do it at any stage. There are great celebrants out there who will build a beautiful ceremony to incorporate your child/ren/bump!
been in your situation too, we just said we dont want to get married JUST cause we are having a baby. we got married 2 months after she was born.. .. the pressure was to much and i regret getting married after 7 years we got divorced. Dont get married till your ready and after ppl stop saying it to you. Subconsciously it was still in my mind and married when i shouldnt have!!
Hi Alibaby - haha - when i told my mum that i was pregnant that was the first thing she said 'are you getting married'. I actually didn't expect it - espec in today's day and age.
I've been married before (10 most awful months of my life - long story).... my partner however has not and is keen to get married. However i'm not going to while i feel like i'm being pressured to do so, from partner or family. it has to be a joint decision when the two people are willing and able to do so.
I do think my partner and i will eventually get married, but that is not priority 1. Massive outlay of money for one day and a piece of paper seems wasteful to me. And i agree - do it after you have bubs so you can at least have a champers on the day
I would sit your family/ friends down and sincerly and firmly tell them of you and your partners plans - and that the way it's going to be regardless of their thoughts and beliefs. As long as you're both happy things being that way they should be too. It's your lives not theirs.
Alibaby I so hear you as I've been there myself. All you need to do is set it straight with your parents & inlaws right from the start and tell them that at the moment you want to concentrate on and enjoy your pregnancy and down the track, when you are both ready, you will organise a wedding. Besides the last thing you want to be doing while pregnant is planning a wedding, too much stress. Just ignore the comments.
we were due to get married in the month that leila was due to be born (the wedding was actually planned before she was!). so we held off, but the pressure came in thick and fast. and once she was born people were tapping their watches. we ended up getting hitched when she was 6 months old. although it was really great, we both wish that we had of waited. like you, we had been together for 7 years so we felt no need to rush, and in the end, the wedding was really stressful (with a new bub!) and we really really wish we had of waited until we were ready, not when the others were ready. it was too much to organise and juggle when you have a new person in your lives.
i reckon you should stick to your guns and do what is best for you and your new family of three...
Just thinking out loud... have you ever thought of eloping ? it's not that traditional getting married huha ... it would still be very special for just the two/three of you - might be the happy medium for now - and its inexpensive as well since you have the bub on the way, and later when you are both feel you want the "big fat greek wedding" you can have a nice wedding renewal ceremony ...
Hi Ali, I agree with the PP's. It's ultimately up to you and your DP. I have been getting the same thing the minute I announced the pregnancy. Oddly, no comments from our families as none of our brothers and sisters are married, but still in relationships with kids. The comments I get are from friends and I usually just say "When DP proposes" or I just shrug my shoulders and say that we're in no hurry, just enjoying everything we have now with the new baby.
Thanks for all your support girl. It does make me feel alot better that there are other people in similar situations to me.
I do just want to enjoy the pregnancy (and really who wants to not be able to drink at the ir own wedding)!
DD- Thanks for your support. I am sure you and your man are very happy evenwithout the piece of paper.
Cassius- My mum has this grand idea of all the fam going to Fiji to get married when the baby is 6mths old and like you I just want to concentrate on being a mum to a new baby and not have the pressure of organising a wedding.
Gecko-I love the idea of eloping. I might suggest that to my DP. We have both never wanted a big wedding either and you are right we could always have something in a few years time where we renew our vows.
Laranna & briggsy's Girl- Thankyou for your helpful suggestions of what to say to people if they ask.
Just another question for those of you who werent married when you had your children...did you give your child your last name or your parnters last name?
We gave our bubba DP's surname. I figured if we do ever get married I'd probably chane my name anyway. Had a few people ask us why we didn't hyphenate our surnames and I just said it would have made his surname too long!
it's a very personal decision - as long as you're committed to each other, a wedding means little more than celebrating that love with your closest friends and family. it's ultimately a piece of paper - living in a marriage like relationship affords you all the "rights" of any "married" couple.
ultimately, it's up to you, and you alone (well, you and DP) when, or even if, you decide to marry. don't let anyone else tell you what to do, or tell you how to live your life!
i would just say "when people least expect it", "when bubs is old enough to be a part of it", "when we can afford to fly to vegas and elope" - anything that will get them to leave you alone!!
i love being married - and loved our wedding day - but we didn't need that day or that certificate to know we were meant to be together - we knew that anyway! DH just wanted to make it official cos his family are all fruit cakes that would dispute his wishes if something happened and we hadn't tied the knot!
Feeling pressured to get married
We have lived together for the past 3years. We are now pregnant and both very happy
about it but I am constantly being asked "So when are you going to get married?" or "You need that commitment"
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I'm giggling at the idea of you guys eloping and not telling anyone, and then say in a years time when someone asks you, you can say 'we're already married'. Or, have a 'one year anniversary' party. :P
DP and I have been together 10 years in November and engaged prob'ly the last 4??? It's been so long it's hard to keep track. Initially we had heaps of questions from family and friends about 'when' and 'have we set a date?' and all of that. As time has gone on, it is only the diehard friends that we don't see very often that continue to raise the issue of setting a date. It just hasn't been a huge priority - it will definitely happen one day though. We do have plans but they will probably not be realised for a couple of years yet! I agree with Shell, DP and I have two mortgages now and a bub on the way. It's not that different to marriage and feels like a lifelong commitment to me. 
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