Pregnancy Anxiety.

[Persephone1]

I was going to post this in the general Pregnancy Vent thread but thought it was a bit more specific than that. It really is just a bit of a vent, but it would be good to hear from other ladies that might have felt the same way.

So, I was diagnosed with Antenatal Depression and Anxiety (with the emphasis on anxiety) when I was only 6 weeks pregnant, and had some ANDA-specific counseling until 16 weeks. The counseling was limited in that it's not something I can return to, because it's part of a research project, and there's no resources for ongoing treatment. But that's not really a problem, as I was feeling pretty well when the counseling finished, and my mood scores were healthy at that point anyway.

That aside, I'm having the occasional "flat" day where I just feel completely sad, lonely and overwhelmed by the pregnancy. Second trimester has been a complete breeze so far, apart from the usual physical aches and pains and feeling tired all the time. But emotionally, sometimes I feel like crap.

Lately I've looked at my belly, noticed a few kicks, and then been completely overwhelmed by a whole barrage of emotions and thoughts, like "my body doesn't belong to me anymore" and "I have no control over this at all." Today I felt like this whilst in a meeting and nearly started crying on the spot.

Some of the physical symptoms also get me down, like noticing that my breasts are covered in stretch marks (where are my lady boobs gone?!), and that I can't leave the house without needing to pee every five minutes.

All these symptoms can make me feel really positive and excited (and a little smug) about being pregnant, especially after LTTTC. But at the same time, they're also quite scary...to the point where I've sometimes wanted to run away from my own body. I'm freaked out by the idea that my life before pregnancy is over and will never return...and yet so looking forward to meeting my little man and welcoming him into the world. Confused much?

I don't feel anxious enough to think that I'm unwell, but since I'm not seeing my counselor, I don't really have anyone to help me dissect these feelings, or debrief the way I used to be able to. DH is very supportive and gives me hugs when I need them, but he can only understand it to a point.

Is this just hormones? Is it normal to feel so overwhelmed without being able to pinpoint why exactly? Does it get worse or better as the pregnancy progresses?

Any thoughts would be appreciated.

[~Trish~]

Big hugs . I don't really have any answers for you, I haven't really experienced the kind of anxiety that you have, but I definitely had similar feelings at times during my first pregnancy. Knowing that life as I knew it is over (it's not a bad thing, I promise ). Knowing my body would never be the same.

Those feelings are very normal, probably partly due to hormones and partly due to the fact that you are about to experience a very life changing event. It's OK to freak out every now and then, sometimes we need to, to help us process our thoughts and then deal with them so we are calm and happy again. I hope I'm making sense, I'm probably rambling .

For me, I felt that way on and off throughout pregnancy. It didn't get particularly worse - actually I tell a lie - I had a really bad anxiety attack the night before I went into labour with DS2, that was definitely hormones! But it is different for everyone. If you feel you are really struggling with the anxiety, it's worth talking to your hospital or GP and asking for a referral to a counselor.

Sorry, I'm probably not much help. Wishing you all the best .

[MsKara]

I hope this is normal because I have had really bad anxiety for the last few days.
I have been treated for depression and anxiety for a year now, and it's been pretty good for the last few months.

The last few days have been horrible though. I'm terrified of something happening to the baby, especially since we were LTTTC and I honestly thought I would not fall pregnant. I've been trying to distract myself and use relaxation and breathing techniques I've learnt but right now I have a massive ball of anxiety in my chest that is quite painful!

I'm sorry I have no real suggestions for you, but I'm with you in the confused and overwhelmed arena

[Jandals]

I'm not sure how much help I'm going to be but I just had to reply to you! I had reasonably bad anxiety and, in hind-sight, depression with my first pregnancy and it totally sucked. My anxiety was a little different to yours - I freaked out about pretty unrealistic stuff. The best example would be when DH took me to Tahiti for an amazing holiday when I was 20 weeks along and all I could think about every night when we went to bed was that we were going to be wiped out by a tsunami . It's kinda funny looking back but at the time I was in tears every night and genuinely scared.

I think there's a part of what you've mentioned that is totally normal and most women probably experience the fear of the unknown at some point - I know I did. And from my experience it's also more common than I realised for women to have more serious anxiety issues during pregnancy. I think it's great that you've got on to it so quickly - I left it way too long (DD was 8 mths old) and by then I was a complete emotional wreck.

I found that allowing myself to have those feelings without beating myself up about it was the start of working through it all. The more I felt down/anxious the more I beat myself up for not being grateful for being healthy and pregnant with a well baby. It was a vicious cycle Learning to be kind to myself and accepting the thoughts I was having as just thoughts (not a representation of the reality of my whole life) helped me. Not sure if that's made any sense at all, but hopefully at the very least you'll realise that you're not alone with these feelings And FWIW, this pregnancy has been totally different. No major anxiety - just the standard ups and downs that are a part of life. I'm a million times more relaxed. Just wanted to let you know that the way you're feeling now is not necessarily how you'll continue to feel, IYKWIM?

You seem pretty aware of your feelings and I think that's great. I'm sure you'll know if you get to the point that you need some extra help. A good friend of mine ended up taking some anti-anxiety medication towards the end of her pregnancy as for her it was the lesser evil. It helped her a lot and meant she was pretty calm and relaxed during the third trimester when it's most important for us Mums to be emotionally well.

Ok, I've rattled on for long enough! Feel free to PM me if you want to

[Dansta]

first and formost
i can emthaise with you. i've got a history of depression and Anxiety. and i too felt what you did. its normal to feel thease things. you're body is changeing i have stretch marks on my belly, boobies and under my arms! i hated them at first, but now...now i love them - they remind me every day i see them that i carried, nurished and birthed a baby. the cloud of depression around them had a sliver lining - the stretch marks are my silver threads of life. as for the kicks, yes you cant control them - but think of that little human being like mumma and doing what they want, having the freedom to think how they like. and the peeing - i know that feeling all too well- to the point i'd try and find *every* public loo at the shops so i could work out how long i'd have before i'd need to go again.

it may get a little worse, only because its such a HUGE change, both for you & your body and relationships with people also change (for me i found this) but at the end of the day, you can look at your belly, stretch marks and all and give it a good 'ole rub and think "perfection is this, nothing can be better than what i see before me" and it may help - i know i that in a shower most mornings - because if i didnt tell myself it - no one else would have! if you ever want to talk - feel free to PM me im always happy to listen and try and help you if you'd like it

[Stevie]

i just wanted to give you a great big pregnancy is not easy, i did fel down and out a few times, and i dont think it got any harder as the pregnancy went on but i still had days right up until the end.

I dont have any advice, but we are all here to support you xxx

[OnePossum]

Pregnancy and the arrival of a little person into your life brings huge changes. Like others have said I had similar feelings of "my life is over" and in some ways it is - but there are totally new and exciting aspects of life that are only just beginning.

My little girl is now 16mths and I was under the care of a fantastic psychologist both during and after the pregnancy for similar issues as you and others have described.

My best recommendation is to go to your GP and get a referral under a mental health care plan and see a counsellor / psychologist. Having the referral enables you to claim 12 sessions in a year from medicare and once you reach the safety net the difference between the charge and rebate is negligible. I think in the end I was paying $10 for a 1hr session! Also remember that if you have antenatal depression you are at higher risk for postnatal depression so its really important to set up a relationship with a counsellor now who can follow through with you when bub arrives.

And soon you will have a first smile, a first giggle, a first leaking poo nappy while you are out visiting relatives, and so yes one part of your life will be 'over' but there is a whole new world about to begin for you.

Hang in there, as soon you will be

[Lily Dust]

Hun, after LTTC I think it is so normal as your little miracle comes as such a huge shock even though it is what you wanted so so much. It is such a confusing and overwhelming time. I was very sick through my entire pregnancy and I got the point where I did not want a bar of my little one while she was in my tummy. I wanted to take her out, out her in an esky and when I was finally rehydrated and no longer weak and able to move put her back in! I didnt want to talk about the 'baby', didnt want to know one little thing about it. I wonder if perhaps it is a bit of a self protection thing, as in, you expect things to go wrong and there for, kind of look at your pregnancy in a different way to a more easily obtained pregnancy iykwim?

I clearly remember at one point I read that a woman was 'scared of losing her identity' and I laughed, 3 weeks later I was hysterical I 'was gonna lose my identity', hormones really dont help many situations either! Confused, hysterical and irrational- pretty 'normal' I'd say!

It is great that you are able to express how you are feeling and that is such an enormous thing! Take each day as it is and if you wake up and think 'gee today sux' then at least you arent lying to yourself and pretending everything is great. Everyone is here to help you. If you think your GP may be able to refer you to someone to have a chat to and you think this will help then by all means thats great. Just remember how wonderful you are, you are a mummy, you are obviously amazing for sharing how you feel and mostly you will get through all the hard stuff. Hey you have been LTTC and if you are strong enough to survive that (even if only just), you will survive anything!

Sorry that was pretty long winded!

[Lolli]

Hun, I had this same kind of anxiety when I was pg when ds. It was horrible- it was the loneliest, saddest thing I've ever felt in my life. and it turned into crippling PND when ds was born.

Sorry, I'm not trying to scare you. The hormones will definately wreak havoc on your body and your emotions. But this sounds like far more than that. get a lid on it now. Goi talk to your GP, get the number for mental health intake and go from there- a lot of places have an allocated pg mental health service, and you need someone who will se you through until bubs is at least 6 months old.

Big it's not nice, feeling that way.

[Persephone1]

Ladies,

Apologies for not being back yesterday...you're gonna laugh, but my boobs were too hot and sweaty to be bothered sitting at the computer (37 degrees in Melbourne)

Thank you so much for your support, kind words and advice. It has reminded me about a lot of the work that I did in the counseling, about remembering to do some positive activities, take some time out to allow the feelings be "felt," remind myself that I'm not alone, and that everything I feel is likely to be normal. In all honesty, the emotions and mood have felt a bit like PMS, so I'm putting at least some of it down to hormones, notwithstanding that I need to acknowledge them and sit with them for awhile.

I have a standing Medicare referral for a psychologist which I think I'm going to take up - I haven't used it because the ANDA counseling was covered. I've also decided that I'm going to take Maternity Leave at 34 weeks, rather than trying to stick it out until 36 or 37 weeks - because part of feeling overwhelmed has been anxiety about not being prepared or emotionally ready for baby. I realised that if it was money I was worried about, it wasn't worth it and now I have an end-date in my mind, I'm looking forward to it and able to relax a bit.

Your stories have brought me relief and reassurance, thank you. Hopefully I can provide the same support to others one day as well.

thank you again.