Oh, gosh, I need a vent at the moment...

Right, I hate this cr@ppy lowered immune system because the baby is just a parasite living off me, I hate feeling like cr@p every day and no-one giving a d@mn, least of all my DH. I hate having a fat podge of a belly when I want to be either as flat-stomached as I used to be or pregnant, not podge-ised.

I hate my horrid DH who would rather Liebling and I weren't here so he could spend his money on cr@p, except he couldn't because it's MY wage paying for HIS car loan and HIS stupid hunk of cr@p in the garage that he calls a car when in fact it's just a load of rust (now with some paint on). I hate the fact he's at home "ill" when I know that I feel twenty times worse than he does on my good days. I hate that he told me I should give him sympathy when all he said about my (one bout of) morning sickness was "it's about time, isn't it?" I hate that he doesn't want to do any pregnancy classes or learn about the baby and that he told me he's "not ready to be a dad". If he's not ready to be a dad then WTF did he stop using condoms? The whole point of him being in charge of contraception was so that I didn't get so broody and have an "accident". I really hate the fact he tells me off for being irrational and upset when it's HIS BLOODY BABY that's giving me all these stupid HORMONES and making me feel like cr@p every day and then I'm supposed to come home to him and his horridness and be nice to him. I hate him! I hate the fact that he won't think of names for the baby, won't talk to the baby, doesn't want to do classes, look at pregnancy books, find out about giving birth or anything about babies - he doesn't even know how to change a nappy: probably doesn't even know what a nappy is apart from something to ignore when I bring it up in conversation.

I HATE HIM! I guess that's a normal part of pregnancy, though - right?

I also hate feeling like this and daren't take a sick day because I am already facing being made redundant, along with half the other girls with whom I work, and I hate feeling like I'm going to burst into tears all the time but can't, and I hate feeling like I have to watch what I say ALL THE FREAKING TIME because I'll upset someone with it - like usually my DH. I'm sure there are lots of people avoiding me know because I'm just not bothered with censoring myself so much any more. I also hate people who don't say "that's not how I feel" or "that upsets me" and just ignore me - TELL ME that there's a freaking PROBLEM and I'll sort it!

Sorry, I'm just so angry all the time and I also hate that I can't do my aerobics or kick-boxing to get rid of all this stress, I really, really need to.