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Thread: told me its a boy at 12 weeks

  1. #1
    ttcno2 Guest

    Default told me its a boy at 12 weeks

    just had my 12 week scan and sonographer told me its a boy. she said she is "pretty sure". i know its possible they got it wrong, but she seemed pretty sure, and looking it up on the net i found one study which said they were 85% accurate at 12 weeks in determining sex.
    we are very disappointed. we have one boy and this is our last baby.
    i know i should be grateful that the babe is healthy...im sorry if i am offending anyone.
    its just that i had so many hopes/dreams of a mother daughter relationship that now are gone. my partner feels the same way, in fact he said that if he knew we were going to have another boy, he prob wouldnt have wanted another baby. i know how he feels.

    i feel like i will be less needed as the boys grow up and become teens, i just have this feleing that teen boys/young adult/adult boys wont want to be with me/need me/care about me as much as girls. this is probably stupid, - no teen wants their parents - girl or boy! but somehow i just feel like i will be left out and irrelevant to the boys lives as they get older, whereas i felt i could be a bigger part of my teen/young adult/adult daughters lives...as she gets married, has her own kids, deals with relationships...boys dont want to talk to their mums that much do they? i dont know - i have all sisters, and my partner isnt close to his mum.

    i feel so flat and empty, and it also seems right now to affect how i feel about our 2 yo boy.

    i only found out an hour ago, so maybe this will wear off.



    few tears on my cheeks right now...i know this is selfish of me, at least i have a healthy baby.

    one of the hard things is that we have decided not to tell anyone, so cant talk this through with anyone else.

    did this happen to anyone and how did they adjust? also any stories from women with two boys who wouldnt have it any other way would be nice..

  2. #2

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    Hey there, if I were you I would be waiting for the next scan for confirmation. 12wks is very early to be totally sure of the sex of the baby. You never know, you could get a surprise at the next scan when things are more clearer.

    Did the sonographer actually show you that the baby is a boy??

  3. #3

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    ttcno2,

    I dont know where you are coming from (I have 2 girls & many ppl kept saying, OH I bet you wished she was a boy) I didnt & havent this time (although they said at the 12wk scan possibly a boy) But I think the link Caro posted (if it's the one I am thinking of) is a great read, to me being blessed with a life to nurture & love is a gift & nothing will ever beat it boy or girl, I am happy to be having a baby...

    But maybe you can change the mould that yoursel;f & your hubby have in your mind, you be the Mum that boys will talk to, I know one of my cousins is really close to his Mum & they talk about his loves & lost loves etc & he is still a rough tuff guy, but he loves his Mum & they have a great relatiosnhip... I believe how you are with them will be the way thew grow up & are with you..

    Best wishes, I'm sure boy or girl by the time bubba arrives you will love it very much!!!

  4. #4

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    thats the one!

  5. #5

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    ttcno2 I would wait until your 18-20wks scan to get it confirmed. I asked at 12wks and was told they wouldn't be able to tell as it's too early and then at I was told even at 16wks they couldn't be 100% sure of the gender.

  6. #6

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    I have to say I would wait until your 18 week scan as well.
    I was told that DS was a girl at 14 weeks and obviously it was wrong. It wasn't until the later scans that it could be clearly seen that he was a boy. I understand how your feeling, I was a little disappointed when we thought we were having two girls because we aren't planning anymore either.
    But they were wrong and we got our pigeon pair. Try not to get too depressed yet because it's still early days.

  7. #7

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    I was told at 12 wks that i was having a girl and my SIL also found out at 12 wks that she was having a boy...and both times they were correct. I'm not telling you this to upset you, i just don't want you to put your hopes on future scans. Yes - they may well be wrong but don't hold your breath iykwim.

    My mum had 2 boys and 2 girls and she is the closest to the youngest son. She has a great relationship with all of us but her 'special' one is my brother Scott - and he's 19 now. I never particularly desired a son but Mum once said to me "It'd be nice for you to have a Scotty" and i know what she means. They have a lovely friendship I don't think it has anything to do with the gender of a person as to how it will affect your relationship with them.

    I'm sorry you are feeling so down about it right now (and you do have every right) - but like you've stated, take comfort in knowing that your baby is healthy because when your baby is unwell the gender becomes a distant memory.

  8. #8

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    hey Hun, you feel how you feel and thats it - i really wanted a boy and we are having one... and i know i would have been disappointed if i was having a girl as horrible as that sounds....You have a right to feel how you do - But hun you cant help what sex it is and i bet when youhave him you wont feel like this . he may be a mummys boy....

    But i was also told by the sonographer - she wasnt even going to consider checking for sex at the 12 week one so you might get a suprise after all.

    Good luck..

  9. #9

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    Hello,

    I am sorry to hear your are dissapointed, I am sure your grief will pass and you will be able to come to terms with another boy.

    Just think of all the girls they are going to bring home in their teenage years, you can nurture them instead if u choose not to have anymore.

  10. #10
    Cherryrose Guest

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    Hi,
    I can understand how you feel, I have 3 girls and am pregnant again, hoping for a boy this time so I can experience something different! Try not to see it as entirely negative, out of me and my brother he is closer to my mum than I am, I get on better with my MIL! I know guys who are very close to their mum (and yes some are gay but not all), i think it comes down to the way that individual child is brought up as to whether they are close or not....I am sure you are a wonderful mum and your kids (regardless of their sex) will want to spend as much time as possible with you

  11. #11
    ttcno2 Guest

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    thankyou everyone for your support.
    have just read through the gender disappointment posts (taken me an hour!)...was helpful to see im not alone.
    very helpful to hear about stories where people do fall in love with their babes even after being disappointed.
    its only 24 hours since i found out, so im still pretty sad. i think this will be a long term adjustment thing. im hoping i dont have trouble bonding, im hoping i dont still have overwhelming feelings of sadness/disappointment for years to come...hoping i get over it as quickly as possible..right now that seems a way off.
    i guess i feel like the excitement and anticipation of this preg has gone. its been pretty hard so far physically with sickness etc, and i feel like there is a LONG way to go in enduring this all, and now especially with this flatness that i feel. i really do wonder if ive done the right thing in doing this all over again. i wish in some ways i hadnt found out till later...
    anyway, sorry to still be negative.
    i do appreciate your messages of support, and they definitely have helped to some degree.

  12. #12

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    Just to add - don't forget you will have daughter-in-laws: I know my MiL wanted my DH to be a girl and we have a really good relationship. Now she has a granddaughter she's less worried about that MiL-DiL relationship (which is to be expected) but there will still be girls in your life somewhere. I also remember one of my best friends growing up, he's still really close to his mum and she got to do all the pink sparkly stuff with him (and no, he's not gay, he just likes pretty sparkly dresses - I am so pleased I was always a few sizes smaller than him!).

    And Mother-Daughter relationships often go wrong a lot more than MiL-DiL relationships, because when you get upset with your mum there's no-one to point out the nice things about her!

  13. #13

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    To be truthful, our 3rd baby - we expected to be a girl - and when the sonographer said "boy", i said "check again!", and after he said "boy" again, I demanded to see for myself........but alas - he was right. My DH and I were severely disappointed, and I remember seeing lots of friends straight after at a social gathering, and them all asking how it went. It was hard to smile.

    BUT ......... it gave us time to find all the positives in having another boy, and bond with the little fella growing inside..........to find a special name.......etc.

    It does pass......make a list of all the positives (there are many) and put it on the fridge - so each time you see it, you will be reminded.......it doesn't take too much to change the way you feel.

    Hugs xx

  14. #14

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    ttcno2, I would definately be waiting till the 18-20week scan to bank on anything.

    At my 12 week scan, I asked if I could know the flavour. I went to an OBs that had the best equippment in Australia, and was one of the original pioneers of NT scanning in Australia - and even then, they said no way would they say the sex. She said any sonographer guessing the sex can only do a 50/50 guess, that she reckoned it was very silly of sonographers telling the sex because the sexual organs look almost identical still then, there is no scrotum. She told me she had heard of heaps of cases where people were told wrong at 12 weeks.

    I had a 16 week scan, and they said boy!, but still only a tentative guess as it was early, but I was shown the boy bit she thought looked like a boy.

    I had a 20 week scan, and it is definately (as definate as you can be from a scan) is a boy, I could see the bits myself and three people reviewing the scan at separate times from each other all said boy. I was 100% sure I was having a girl, even bought girl things. I had this 'feeling' with my other kids when I was pg with them and was right, so I was sure I was right with this one. But I wasn't, and it sure was a surprise, but a nice one. For me, I already have one of each, so it's easy for me to say that.

    I think you should definately prepare yourself for the fact that you might be having a boy, but I wouldn't be banking anything on that scan if it were me. If you do a search on the net, it says that 16 weeks is really the earliest that a sonographer should be able to tell, because the sexual organs look identical till then.
    Last edited by Aranah; February 10th, 2007 at 02:19 PM.

  15. #15

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    I so agree with abcryett
    i have 3 boys,, and at our 18 weeks scan (they would not even look at the 12 week one)
    The sonographer 100% identified that this little one is also a boy.
    I was devastated at first, as we lost a little girl at 30 weeks, and have only had boys since.
    However, I love this child so much,, and have had enough time to come to terms with it,, and "snap myself out of any sad thoughts " etc so to speak.
    I know it is hard hun,, but I also take it that I am given these blessings, and have boys for a reason, so there is no point in being depressed of down etc. I know it hurts, as it still hurts me now when i see ppl mistreating their daughters,, but just know in your heart that you can give them the best possible life, and in the future,, they (as Ryn stated) will bring daughters into your life for you,, and most likely granddaughters Then you can be the best and most supportive grandma that you can be.
    HTH hun,,,, chin up,, i really would wait till a later scan for a sexing to be confirmed at all.

  16. #16

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    Hello...

    I was told at 16 weeks that I was having a boy. Even though this is # 1 for me, I was a bit disappointed as I wanted a girl....but I got over it by the time our NT scan came around (I was 20 weeks 5 days at this point). So during the u/s I asked the sonographer to confirm it was a boy and he said "It is not a boy, it is a little girl!" and proceeded to point out the entrance to the vagina an the "3 white lines".
    I was in shock for about a week!
    BUT.... Although I know you should trust the later scan, I am still not 100% convinced and will have to wait and see what pops out. So I don't think you can ever be 100% sure unless you get one of those 3/4D scans later in your pg.
    Good luck and try to remember all babies are miraces, no matter what is between their legs

  17. #17

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    ttcno2

    I have 2 boys, 18 year old, 5 year old and another on the way, we don't know what sex it is yet and yes I would love to have a girl, but I know that whatever sex this one deep down I don't care. Also, my 18 year old and I are VERY close, and he basically tells me everything (even told me when he lost his virginity so what I think I am trying to say is that even if you don't have a girl, you can still have a close relationship with your boys. Oh and my SIL was told that her second was going to be a boy at her 18 week scan, and she gave birth to a baby girl

  18. #18

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    initially with this PG I wanted a girl, and I was positive baby was a girl, I was dreading hearing the words 'it's a boy,' more because I didn't want to feel like I was betraying the baby by feeling dissapointed, but when we found out we were having a boy for sure at 20 week scan, I didn't feel an incling of dissapointment. Like Fletch said in one of the 1st posts, I started to picture Jackson having a little brother so close in age to him and all the boy stuff that was so exciting and fun to do with Jackson, and I just couldn't wait to do it all again.

    I still would be waiting to tell the sex for sure at the 20 week scan because at 12 weeks, it still can be hard to tell as the clitoris is still about the same size of the penis, I think someone already mentioned that. At the 20 week scan, get them to point out the boy bits to you to make doubley sure. They really shouldn't get the sex wrong if they say it is a boy at that stage, if there is no visible penis and scrotum in a clear shot then obvious it is a girl. But having said that, if they don't get a clear shot, it still could be either sex. We got a printout of our evidence to frame for Leo's 21st, is very obvious!!!

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