My sister has just found out she has an unplanned PG to deal with.
Background
She has been with the DF for 12 -18months, engaged for 4months. He is from overseas and has a very culturally differnent upbringing. His family are not exactly over the moon about his relationship with a western girl, they have not met her. Her DF has adopted to the western culture quite well, he has his permenant residence and is a couple of months away from his citizenship. They have not set a date yet as they want to meet his family and get their approval before hand, they had discussed starting a family in 2- 3 yrs.
She found out a couple of days ago she is PG, not sure how far along, she has a referral for an U/S for a dating scan. She could be as little as 5/6 weeks or potentially up to 10weeks. He has basically said get a termination or you are on your own. I'm hoping he said it out of fear. He is not practicing his religion, but the religion he was raised in is opposed to abortion, and pre-marital relationships.
Anyway, my question is: What was your partner's reaction when you told him? What did you do? And what was your outcome in the end?
What an awful situation! And may I also say what an a-hole!
I fell pg at 18, when I discovered I was pg we had only been together 6 months. His family were awful, but I wouldn't be swayed.
My DF dropped his burger all over himself when I blurted it out. It was tough, we had no idea if we even wanted to be together long term. But we decided after a month of soul searching that we'd give it a good go. Termination was never an option for me so it was more would we do this together or seperately.
We moved in together and are still together 5 years later- we are actually getting married next month We have also had another baby we have 3 angels together too.
Good luck to your sister- I will pray for her and you also. Lots of love xxxx
I waited until we were alone late the night I tested. We'd been together five years. DP was shocked. He asked what I was going to do and when I said I was having a baby. So he told me to go to the dr the next day and came with me.
We had some rough patches during the pg (and afterwards), but we're still here almost seven years and another baby too.
Mmm my first pregnancy ds11 dad teared up and said really are we having a baby!
second ds3 i was picked up and whirled around the kitchen
third ds16month 'i should have had the snip shouldnt have i ' Where not together any more !!
I wonder if his response is that because he is fearful of what his family's reaction will or could be???
DD1, I did the test whilst dh was at music practice, then we had dinner at his parents house (where he said I was just glowing, and looked beautiful), went home and we were laying on the bed when I blurted it out... He just smiled, and had this dumb look on his face. I was the one who wanted to opt for a termination. I just didnt feel ready. But we never went through with it, and the whole time he has stuck by my side.
We were fearful about Dh's family reaction. We had been together for 7yrs, even though few family members realised that. (long story) But we were sure that when we told his mum she would want us to get married before DD1 came along, she is one who believes in marriage first, then move in together, then babies. But we sorted through that with time.
to your sister and you. Im sure everything will work out, in its own strange way.
The first time it happened, I was 22. DP was 30. We'd only been together for about 7 months but stupidly used no protection. Due to an accident when he was little and TTC for years with his ex to no avail meant he was infertile. Wrong! Bigtime. He freaked out. Threatened to leave me, threatened to disappear so I couldn't seek child support... told me to terminate, the works. I was devastated, of course. In the end, he was just acting out of fear. After he came to a decision to support me and the pg, I suffered a mc. It was sad and ironic.
The next pg was planned, and DS was born 10 months ago.
Most recently, I experienced a chemical pregnancy. Again unplanned. This time I was taking my birth control religiously.... but a tummy bug rendered it useless, it seems as when AF was late I got suspicious and tested. DP was surprised, but by no means freaking out. I suppose because we already have one child it wasn't a huge crisis, even though the timing would have sucked financially.
I think what I'm getting at here is that the same person can react differently to two very similar situations. I hope her DF is just speaking out of fear and shock. If not, she is going to need your support. Best of luck to her.
I was seeing a guy who has a gf (long story) and found out I was pg. he wanted me to terminate but I was already 16 weeks, so he said adopt it. Since I already have 2 DD's I continued with the preg with his secret support. DS is 5 weeks old and he hasn't signed the birth cert and hasn't told any of his family and friends.
He is acting out of fear of how people are going to react and how he can support another child. I've told him that I will raise and support DS myself without anything from him. I'm happy to be doing this by myself. His support and acknowledgement would be nice, but I don't need it. I have my family and friends.
DH and I were recently faced with a possible unplanned pregnancy. DH is adamant he doesn't want any more children, I'd like one more but not yet.
Anyway, I was showing symptoms of being pregnant, and my AF was late (and is very regular due to being on the pill).
Before I took a test, DH and I discussed what would happen if I were pregnant. He told me he wouldn't be happy about it, but we would keep it as he wouldn't want me to terminate a child of ours.
I didn't end up being pregnant, but he certainly would be supportive through it all.
What a horrible situation for your sister to be in! I hope there is some resolve that she is happy and comfortable with.
I had been with my DD's father for 2 years before it happened - he was ok to begin with but walked away when I was 3 months pg (claiming he couldn't deal with it) saw me again at 7 months pg and has been there on and off since (she is nearly 6)
With this baby it's 3rd unplanned pregnancy. First one found out when I miscarried - he was ok through that but it was never spoken about. 2nd one he was pushing for termination but ended in another miscarriage (both times I was on the pill) we split for a month and he withdrew and refused to deal with anything and we both shut each other out. Then this one was another surprise as I had just started depo shots but again he pushed for a termination I said no so he wished us both dead and I haven't heard since.
When I was 20 I ran away to the other side of the country for an adventure, there I met a guy and we decided to drive from Perth back to Brisbane. We weren't really together or anything but at any rate, I fell pregnant. I wasn't sure what I wanted and did visit an abortion clinic only to decide that that wasn't something I could do. He was supportive either way but I could tell he wanted to keep the baby. We decided to try and make a family work. We split up when she was 6 months old but really, never should have been together. I still get along with him and he is active in her life, just definitely not right for each other romantically.
With DD2, DP was supportive at first and there was no doubt in my mind that I would keep her. At around 20w he freaked out when me and DD1 were about to move in, broke up with me in a text and we didn't speak for 4 days. It was a fear response, instant family and all of that. I gave him space even though I was heartbroken and we eventually worked through it. We couldn't be happier now and know it was just meant to be
We had been together for over 4 years and married for over 2.. it was not planned (alothough DH likes to hint that he "let" it happen) given that we have only ever had ONE slip up (we dont use protection, we use the pull out method but not that time) and thats all it took (though i have a sad sinking feeling it wont be so easy next time but thats another story..) when i found out DHs reaction? "NO" no we werent doing it, no we werent ready, no we couldnt afford it, just no! termination was not an option, i had secretly wished for this little baby for so long. We didnt talk for a week (he works FIFO) and the day before he was due to come home he called me and said "Right, we're having a baby!!" we had our rough patches, like alot of people we had to scrifice alot, make alot of changes to our day to day life, and priorities shifted but she is the love of his life.. and mine. and neither of us would have it any other way.
Our pregnancy wasnt really planned. But we werent really using protection we had been married for 3 years and together for 7. My DH just went into shock and was like.. well right. We had talked about children before briefly and knew that termination was not an option for either of us as we both believed in accepting the consequences of your actions.. which include sex
Neither of us really talked about it for awhile, then when the morning sickness kicked in it made it very real all of a sudden.
It took us both awhile to come to terms with it but by the first scan we were both really happy and nervous. I can understand that fear reaction, but by the same token, you have to accept those consequences imo.
I'm so sorry your sister is going through this and I hope she gets the support she needs x
My DH and I had only been together about a month when I found out I was pregnant. Had been on the pill but had been sick and stupid me didn't think. TBH he handled it a whole lot better than I did. Lots of support and encouragement, never a conversation that didn't revolve around what "we" were dealing with, an enormous flower arrangement delivered to me with an incredibly supportive card. I ended up having a m/c, but it had proved to me that this was a man who would stand beside me through it all.
IMO any man who turns around and issues ultimatums when HE got a woman pregnant needs to grow up, stop being so selfish and accept some responsibility. No, unplanned pregnancies are not always blessings in disguise, but a woman never gets there on her own. Even the ones that say they've been tricked and "trapped" after being told their partner was on the pill, there's always condoms to be extra sure.
I hope your sister is ok, and gets the support she needs. Sounds like she needs it from someone other than him though unfortunately.
DH and i fell pregnant with DS1 just after 12months of marriage (8 years together i think). He was planned.
DS2 was planned.
After DS2 we started discussing if we were going to have anymore children. DH said he was happy and content with our boys and i know a lot of it was being so greatful for the happy healthy children we had. Recent family tragedy definately made us look at what we had and be extremely greatful. At the time i felt i couldn't argue with that, my boys made me so overwhelmingly happy i had no complaints. I didn't have any feelings of wanting more.
So when i realised that i was late with AF and that there was a possibility that i could be pregnant i became a little stressed/unsure/scared. For the feeling of 'this wasn't what we'd planned' and that i wasn't sure how to tell DH. We had recently committed to putting in a new kitchen and taking a loan so me working would have been really helpful. We were both in the mindset that we were happy with two.
So the day i realised i didn't rush off to get a test, DH came home and i didn't say anything. I lay awake all that night, i could not sleep at all. It bothered me so much that in the end i just had to tell DH that i was 'late'. I did and i can't remember his exact words but it was along the lines of 'well what are we going to do about it?', he was in shock. My answer to that was 'well what do you mean by that? There is nothing we can do, it's possibly already been decided that we may be having another baby'. I had been laying awake thinking it over in my own head and there was no other option for me, termination just because it wasn't in our plans but we were fully capable and equipt to have another baby was not and option for me. I got in the car at about 4am thinking that our local Coles was open but it wasn't, i so needed to know then and there just so i could relax and sleep. I didn't get a test at that time but i did sleep a little better after telling DH.
The next morning once the boys had brecky we went for a walk down to the shops and got some tests. That test was so faint i'm not even sure if i saw anything but the test the very next morning there was definately a line. Once it was confirmed DH took a very short time to come around to the realisation that we'd be having another one and to be happy and excited about it. There was a little bit of me sensing his mood to get an indication on how he was feeling for a short while but it didn't take long for him to become his normal self and then i knew all was ok.
For me the acceptance was pretty much straight away but for a fair part of my pregnancy i did battle with some guilty feelings. It was me beating myself up about her not being planned and while i loved her to bits already i couldn't help think was it the right thing for us? I don't want her to ever feel like she wasn't wanted though.
Obviously people assumed it was about trying for a girl but that was never the case. We were lucky enough to be blessed with our own little girl though
Everything in our life has pretty much gone to plan and this was a huge adjustment for us but my god she is the best thing. For us to have something in life that we didn't decide on but is so freaking fantastic just makes our family whole, it is the best feeling for me.
I'm so sorry to hear of the difficulties your sister is going through. I could imagine it is tricky when outside influances can interfear so much with such a huge decision/realisation in the first place. The partner and his family my not like it or think of it as being ideal but it has happened and your sister can be the sole decision maker (if that's what it comes down to) on what she chooses to do with her body and and her baby. There is no going back now, there is only moving forward and you would hope that everyone will look at the situation for what it is, hopefully see a couple in love and support them with the choices they make. I know it's not that easy....
All the best, everyone handles these things differently and for the most part in the previous posts partners did come around in time. Some didn't end up working out in the long run but they give it a try.
All the best to you and your sister. I hope a happy ground can be found for everyone involved ox
All my pregnancys have been unplanned to dh the first two to me as well although we wanted them just didnt think they would happen so soon , i did warn dh if he didnt want more he was in charge of contraception, by the fourth he was like this is the last one.......this pregnancy was a surprise for both of us, we were using condoms or pulling out and i didnt want anymore so soon, he told me to get an abortion and we could have another in like 5 years i considered it for about a week but couldnt do it
Unplanned PG: What was DP/DF/DH reaction?
Reply With Quote
We have also had another baby 
to your sister and you. Im sure everything will work out, in its own strange way.
but thats another story..) when i found out DHs reaction? "NO" no we werent doing it, no we werent ready, no we couldnt afford it, just no! termination was not an option, i had secretly wished for this little baby for so long. We didnt talk for a week (he works FIFO) and the day before he was due to come home he called me and said "Right, we're having a baby!!" we had our rough patches, like alot of people we had to scrifice alot, make alot of changes to our day to day life, and priorities shifted but she is the love of his life.. and mine. and neither of us would have it any other way.
Bookmarks