Does Being Positive Make A Difference?

[Mon]

Hi BabyDreamtime, I totally understand how you feel.
Firstly - agree that clairvoyant is a total biatch!!!!! F her she doesnt know what she is saying! I also saw a couple of clairvoyants the first one saying I had no probs and it would happen naturally and the second saying I would conceive in Feb this year (neither were right!)
Its so hard to stay positive when you have failure after failure. Its like you need to somehow protect yourself from the fall. This cycle I already had my plans if it didnt work and couldnt believe it when they told me I was PG. It doesnt mean that I am all of a sudden a happy positive PG person. I still have the same doubts and insecurities as I did TTC'ing.
However I think it helped that my DH and I went on a big holiday after our m/c earlier this year and it really helped to not think about TTC and rediscover the old me before TTC. I just resigned myself to the fact that it was going to happen and it would happen when the time would be right. Being in italy and being surrounded by so many religious icons and festivities really helped me reconnect with my faith. I think praying has helped my peace of mind. I have this wonderful prayer which am now reciting now that am PG - but am sure can work while TTC - which basically offers up to the Lord all my anxieties and fears etc. That really feels like a big load off my shoulders, cause I guess I was feeling really guilty for being negative. Especially during my 2WW were I had a negative meltdown.
Anyway I ramble. My best advice to you is to not take the clairvoyant comments to heart and push it aside. Do things that make you happy. AP works for some people (for me it didnt, but every1 is different), it could be a creative outlet, or regular massage (which I loved), praying. Just dont give up hope OK! It will happen.
Wishing you all the very best!
Regards,
Monia

[sushee]

I have to agree with everyone else - I suspect your clairvoyant has never been infertile/subfertile. No one who has experienced having to struggle to conceive would dream of making the woman involved feel even more pain, guilt or hurt than she's already going through. You'd think that being psychic, she'd have 'picked up' on that.

She needs a lesson in sensitivity. Or a change of job. She's obviously not terribly compassionate, and isn't suited to working with people.

Okay as for feeling 'positive' to make ensure that you conceive, I have to admit I think that's a crock. Speak to women who have had 5, 6 or even more cycles, enduring years of disappointment. If they can possibly summon up positivity at that point, they must have a personal fortitude that I obviously lack. Most women at that point are jaded and negative, yet they do fall pregnant. Yes, despite their lack of 'positivity'. :P

I know when I finally fell pregnant, I was probably the most negative I had been in my entire journey. But that didn't stop me from falling pregnant. And why should it? Why should obsessing and living and breathing TTC prevent you from falling pregnant? How would it prevent you from falling pregnant?

I honestly believe this whole 'you're preventing it from working by obsessing too much' is a sneaky way for people to make the failure to conceive the woman's fault yet again, as if she's not already doing enough to overcome her difficulties. How do you not obsess about something that colours your whole life? Are they insane? How do you NOT obsess about something this significant?

I personally think 'people who don't know what it feels like should keep their insensitive opnions to themselves' works far better for me!

[Baby Dreamtime]

Thank you Thank you Thank you everyone for sharing your stories, it has really help me to put things into perspective and I am trying to find a way how I can go on. As I expected, AF arrived with a vengence this afternoon, I am trying not to let this get me down, and am trying to look for the positives in this, I have a wonderful loving DH, we are financially secure to keep trying with IVF, work is endlessly supportive, I stimulate well and this cycle I managed to grow 3 beautful blasts (not getting to blast was one of my biggest fears).

So I will take some time out to work on myself and will be back in the New Year (hopefully feeling positive if just for my sanity sake). Thank you once again for your thoughts and kind words, I really appreciate it. Love and best wishes xxx

[poppihome]

I wish positive thinking is all it took, I have prayed, put in on paper for the universe and thanked God for all Ihave. But it makes no difference.
It is all about fate and the right embryo to implant at the right time.......nothing your head feels or doesn't feel can make any difference.
It will happen when it is meant to happen.............love Toni

[dusty]

I honestly believe this whole 'you're preventing it from working by obsessing too much' is a sneaky way for people to make the failure to conceive the woman's fault yet again, as if she's not already doing enough to overcome her difficulties. How do you not obsess about something that colours your whole life? Are they insane? How do you NOT obsess about something this significant?

I agree and it is also sometimes easier for people to not try to understand the issues of IF including the uncertainty of AC working so they try to find a simple an answer as it is our mental attitude that is stopping it happen.

Having a positive attitude as possible is beneficial in getting us through the ups and downs of IF and AC. But beating ourselves up if we aren't feeling as positive as we and others wish we were is so counter productive. It just makes us more unhappy.

I honestly believe we can only all do our best at any time, supported by understanding friends and family if possible. There will always be down times and hopefully up times. I agree with Mon, taking time out from the TTC rollercoaster can be beneficial, especially to discover that old you the carefree, happy one. AP also definitely helps me cope. I have no idea if it does anything beneficial medically but the improvement in my mental health and happiness is remarkable.

LTTTC is a painful journey. I think we need to accept that but live it the best we can with what tools we have. A big break through for me was to accept I was grieving and that I was grieving a loss that has no end (at the moment). When someone close to us dies we grieve. But there is an end or at least a moving on and acceptance. When we hold onto the hope of one day being parents our loss is for what may be. Society has a hard time understanding where we come from and we don't get the support we sometimes need.

[Possums]

baby dreamtime- I am glad you are doing your best to get to a place where you can move forward in the new year. I am doing the same thing right now to be honest, and have found the comments on this thread very helpful to me personally too.
I thought I needed to be positive...I thought I needed to be strong and move onwards...I realise now, I can be moving onwards, and also be sad, and angry and grieving...and that that's OK...that's something I hadn't really acknowledged before reading everyone's experiences. Of course, when we can be in a place feeling positive, that will help our own well being if nothing else.
I hope it helps you too...and that come the new year, we both get our BFP and our forever baby in our arms....

[Janie71]

Baby Dreamtime,

Firstly, I am so sorry that this cycle did not work out the way you wanted it to. I really hope and pray that the New Year will bring you your BFP.

In regards to feeling positive - I think this is really a personal choice and will depend on your circumstances. For me, the cycle that resulted in my BFP, I did make a concerted effort to be positive. I introduced acupuncture into my cycle which helped my stress levels immensely. I went into the cycle with the thought that I would do everything in my power to remain positive. I regularly imagined receiving the phone call from the clinic advising of my BFP and how that would make me feel. Every time I felt a negative thought entering my head I would focus on that phone call.

Now in saying all that - do I think that being positive made the difference? Well all I can say is that it did for me... but then my answer would be different if the result was different.

I am naturally a positive person and do not cope well with negativity so this is why I made this choice. I was lucky as it worked for me, but I am under no illusions that it is the only reason the cycle worked. We also happened upon the right embryo, my health was spot on... the stars really just aligned for us.

I wish you all the best in your future cycles.

Janie xxx

[Baby Dreamtime]

Hi everyone
Just thought I would post this re thinking positive. Here is the link: PM - Positive thinking does not help fight cancer: study

I guess we can lay off the self criticim if we have an unsuccessful cycle and we are worried we weren't thinking positively enough. Like some have suggested, the positive thinking is perhaps the only thing that keeps us going, but possibly does not effect the outcome. Love to you all.

Positive thinking does not help fight cancer: study
PM - Monday, 2 June , 2008 18:14:00
Reporter: Barbara Miller

MARK COLVIN: We journalists too often deploy the cliche about people "battling" cancer, but now Australian researchers have found that there's actually nothing much a patient's attitude can do to fight the disease.

Cancer specialists agree that it's a finding which is both reassuring and unsettling.

They've concluded that a breast cancer patient's attitude to the illness has no influence whatsoever on their chance of survival. The scientists say the work proves that patients should stop blaming themselves if their cancer returns.

But some patients aren't keen to let go of their belief in the power of positive thinking.

This report from Barbara Miller.

BARBARA MILLER: It's an idea which has been gaining ground for some time. Smaller studies have already suggested that positive thinking does not boost a cancer patient's chance of survival.

Those findings have now been confirmed with a large long-term study involving the assessment of more than 700 breast cancer patients over a period of eight years.

The study's lead author Associate Professor Kelly-Anne Phillips from the Peter MacCallum Cancer Centre in Melbourne has just presented the findings at a major cancer conference in Chicago. She says for some patients it's good news.

KELLY-ANNE PHILLIPS: I think it?s certainly good news for those women that I see whose cancer has unfortunately returned and who come to me and are really blaming themselves for not having thought positively enough or having been depressed or anxious after their cancer diagnosis.

And they come along thinking that is the main reason their cancer has recurred. And now I?m able to tell those women, look that?s just not true.

BARBARA MILLER: Kelly-Anne Philipps, who's also a Colebatch Clinical Research Fellow at the Cancer Council of Victoria, says the findings don't need to take away a patient's sense of having control over their illness.

KELLY-ANNE PHILLIPS: The things that are important are, you know, having the right treatment and taking the appropriate treatment and also there are other emerging factors that are important in survival after breast cancer, so things like regular exercise for example, is something that women do have control over and it seems to be emerging as an important prognostic factor, maintaining normal body weight for example, is clearly a very important prognostic factor after breast cancer.

So I think it means that women can focus on the things that we really do know make a difference.

BARBARA MILLER: Dr Jane Turner, a spokesperson for the Cancer Council, has welcomed the research.

JANE TURNER: I?m absolutely delighted because a number of people believe that stress causes cancer and women are commonly told to be positive. However, that denies them the chance to talk about the things that are really concerning them, it denies them the chance to necessarily seek the support they might need, and it also denies them a chance to seek treatment for anxiety and depression, which are very common.

Some people are naturally optimistic, some people are worriers. You can?t turn yourself into something you?re not, nor should you feel burdened that you have to.

BARBARA MILLER: Would you expect that these findings would also apply to other forms of cancer?

JANE TURNER: I would expect so. There has been some research done in Melbourne, at Peter MacCallum Hospital, looking at lung cancer and they?ve found similar results.

BARBARA MILLER: But some cancer patients are sceptical about the findings.

Lizzie Wheeler from New South Wales was diagnosed two years ago with ovarian cancer.

LIZZIE WHEELER: I don?t think I could have made it this far if I didn?t have a positive outlook and everybody around me was positive. I?ve had times where things have been really rough and I?ve been really ill, but I?ve managed to bounce back up again.

BARBARA MILLER: What do you make then of this study that finds that the attitude that people have, in this particular case, to do with breast cancer had no impact on their chance of survival?

LIZZIE WHEELER: I?m not sure where they?re coming from with that. I don?t know. I can?t believe that your attitude doesn?t have an outcome that helps with you to keep going.

BARBARA MILLER: John Stubbs is the executive officer with the advocacy group, Cancer Voices Australia. He says the research findings will help some patients.

JOHN STUBBS: Personally, I feel that my positive attitude was of great benefit to me, not only that, I had a great clinician and I had great family support. So, I think I got the whole package.

It?s probably fair to say that there would be a number ? or there would be many cancer patients who feel the same, or there may be an equal number of patients who don?t want to be trapped ? I think we call it, trapped in the prism of the positive, that they?ve been positive throughout their cancer and its returned and all of a sudden they?re made to feel guilty about that.

So, I think there will be some good things that?ll come out of this report.

BARBARA MILLER: That report prepared by Barbara Miller.

[Baby Dreamtime]

Just bumping this up