Sue, I just wanted to give you a and second everything HB has said and reassure you again that what you're going through is completely normal given what you have been through.

I had an early miscarriage during our IVF treatment and then a bleeding scare 7 weeks into my pregnancy with DD, so everything felt so tenuous the whole time, no matter what reassurances there were (like movement, scans etc., and I even had many additional scans and h/b monitoring sessions late in the pregnancy). It still felt like a dream until I looked at DD in the face for the very first time, and then I realised that it was real I promise you that the moment you look at your child for the first time everything you have gone through - all the anxieties and difficulties during LTTTC and your pregnancy will feel very distant at the moment and it will be wonderful.

I took it in baby steps myself with my pregnancy - the first thing I allowed myself to get was a book about pregnancy about 13 weeks in, and then I allowed DH to buy me a pregnancy journal not long after that, and I'm so glad I did use it, and I can really recommend it. After that, slowly over the course of the second half I started to feel comfortable to get little things like some clothes and later on the bigger stuff, all with DH doing most of the shopping and guiding and preparation (he's a bit of a shopper, though lol) but I only took it at the pace that I felt like on any given day - if I didn't want to think about things I needed to get for the baby, I didn't. It all worked out in the end - we had everything we needed in time, and I did not feel rushed or pressured in my given emotional state.

Allow yourself to take as long as you need to purchase the things you want, and use that as little moments in time where you feel ready to open yourself a little more to the idea that your baby is real and is coming - you can't force that, but you can do these little things when you feel you're having a good day

I hope the rest of your pregnancy goes really smoothly, with the minimum of anxiety and the maximum of enjoying your baby growing (even though it doesn't feel quite real!) before they come to join you in this world, in your arms