Parenting After LT TTC ~ January - April 2008

[summerluven]

Ooooh...and can I join in too? This looks good.

I can totally relate to everyone saying how much life has changed (DH and I were just chuckling about it over our dinner of last nights left overs ) and also to feeling like you can't complain during pregnancy or once you become a parent, for fear that someone will say "but you wanted this so bad" or something along those lines. I swear...if they ever!! I have kinda been waiting for it from my mum from time to time, but I actually think in the end she felt out TTC and AC journey almost as much as we did, despite her early denial.

A little of our story (not as horrible as some). We did the deed (and considered a lot of strange ideas!) with no results for 12 months after which time I went off to the gp to ask some questions. Was expecting her to send me off to a specialist because I had a bit of a wonky cycle and some strange stuff going on, and came home dreading telling DH that he had to go and get his fella's tested. But off he soldiered, joking all the time that he would blow the scientists away with the quality and talent of his swimmers. Devastatingly for both of us, but obviously more so him, the results came back shocking!! So off we went to IVFA, and had to go through a battery of tests, including a horrible experience with a hystiospalgiogram (spelling??). We ended up bombing out on four scores - MF issues, suspected endo, PCO and a blocked tube.

Thankfully, my god-send of a FS decided that it was best to leave the slicing of my abdomen till after he had achieved a pregnancy, considering how many things we had working against us. So we did our first cycle with high spirits after being sick of trying to do it the old-fashioned way, and I ended up in hosp with OHSS for a week. Horrible. That cycle resulted in a big fat PERIOD!

Second cycle, first FET, and we got what we had been longing for. And now he is with us, a 10 month old bouncing ball of fun, energy and laughter.

Ummmm, I should shut up now. I didn't realise I had so much to say, I guess it all came flooding back when I was reading your posts.

Looking forward to getting to know you all, and to have somewhere to come where people are going to understand where I am at and where I have been.

Cheers, and thanks to BB for this special part of forum world.

[monnie]

Wow!

These journeys are really heart wrenching...just reading your stories reminds me of that awful feeling of desperation, hopelessness and despair...

...and yet...here we are...talking about parenting!!! Such a miracle...

Our journey was simply one of trying and trying with no success...we never were able to find out 'what was wrong'...everything came back as normal...after 3 years, we finally conceived...first time that I was ever able to confirm. I have a feeling that I had a few very early losses, but nothing to confirm that except "that feeling". We conceived on our first round of clomid.

Now...here's something I wanted to ask you guys about...

After the years of trying (which I realise isn't as long as some of you), our intimate lives became pretty scheduled and 'routine'. It's like DTD 'lost it's spark' after a while...not because of problems in our relationship, but more because of the constant disappointment that it brought (not at that moment...but 2 weeks later, if you get my drift!)

I think our LTTTC journey has really impacted on this part of our lives now...even now that Felix is here...

Does anyone else have this issue?

[Shezabelle]

Hi everyone.. I'd like to join in too.. I so relate to not wanting to complain out loud about pg or parenting issues.
A little about me.. DH and I started trying in March 04, I came of the pill and then 1 AF in 6months later went to GP.. testing lead to diagnosis of PCOS.
Saw FS said " It will be teadious but we'll get there"
4 clomid cycles 3 IUI including one m/c @ 8weeks, and on to IVF it was, 1st cycle OHSS no transfer 1st FET only 1 emby survived thaw no luck 2nd fresh..my beautiful daughter Issy 14months old and I am excited to add I am pg with the only emby we had to freeze after her cycle.
I struggle most with people assuming this was a natural conception and making me feel like if only I'd given it more time!! I find I am very vocal about it being another IVF bub to avoid the insinuations(SP?)
Look forward to getting to know you all better

[sushee]

monnie,

I'm supposed to be studying so will have to come back to discuss in more detail but yes, oh yes absolutely re how LTTTC has impacted on our intimacy!

Will be back tomorrow to talk more about it but didn't want to lose that point of discussion!

[Danni]

yay at finding this thread!

Hey guys, remember me? I was aka Danni

Well I am finally a mother, and Mason is 10 months old!! Its crazy...

I am really struggling though and I am dealing with guilt every single day. I wanted this baby so badly, and now I am not coping very well. He is so demanding, won't play alone, won't sleep....etc, etc etc.

Yesterday i said to my doctor in the utmost despair, "If I had have known this is what it was going to be like, I would never have tried for a baby".
I can;t believe I actually said that out aloud, but what if its true?

I love my son more than life itself but it sure is damn hard!

[mako]

Monnie I completley understand where you are coming from about the intimacy side of our relationship too. I'm so pleased to know that it isn't just "me". I think that because we tried for so long to conceive it did really feel like it was a chore and even now it still has that feeling if you know what I mean. I really do try to be interested and I feel soooo bad when I just don't feel like doing the deed when poor dh has gone for what seems an eternity for him without it.On top of having a newborn to care for everyday and go to work a few days a week and try and keep up with the general runing of the household I'm completely exhausted and dh just doesn't seem to understand this.

I have to admit that once I became pregnant I lost all desire for sex.I know that some women just can't get enough and others don't want it at all.Poor dh lost out in a big way It was a huge shock to his system from when we were trying for a bub as we were at it ALL the time

Anyway I guess we will find a happy medium sometime soon I hope.

Danni I'm so pleased you found this thread.I remember when you were pregnant with Mason and when he was born.That time has just flown
Please don't feel bad about what you said to your dr.I have also had moments where I have felt exactly the same and it seems like no one understands hey??
I'm sure mums feel this way at some stage during the parenting journey whether it is in the first few months or years or as the kids are teenagers.

Hi to you all. Hope to chat soon

[sazzafrazz]

ooh oooh oooooh, just found the time to come in here! Yay, thanks BB ppl for starting this thread.

Jason, our bubs are the same age. It will be good to see the bloke side of things in here.

Wow, I cant believe the age of the babies in here. I remember a few of these names from other threads and it doesnt seem like that long ago but I guess it is. I feel that way about our own baby though.

About me: we were TTC for 10years and 1month when we got our first BFP. DH had undecended testes which werent operated on till he was about 7 so male factor infertility big time for us. We had 3 fully stimulated ICSI and 1 frozen natural cycle then took about 6years off to do the natural therapies. We then went back to ICSI and got pregnant on our first try again. I got hyperstimulation but not too bad. The pregnancy went fantastic but unfortunately we had to be induced at 10 days overdue. This resulted in an emergency caesarian 28hours later due to the babies heartbeat dropping to below 60bpm!!!. Lucky for us our gorgeous daughter, Celeste, was fine as soon as she was born.

I am still really traumatised about the birth. I feel a bit ripped off that what might be my only child was not a vaginal birth but mostly I struggle with the fact that we almost lost her after such a long struggle. The doctor and all the 10 other ppl in the delivery room were quite tense for a while there so I know the risk was real.

As for DTD... well after 10years TTC the romantic, spontaneous side of it is totally gone. Plus DH didnt want to do it at all while I was pg and as Celeste is only 5 weeks old tomorrow, we havent had a chance to find out yet how it will be actually doing it for fun!!! Might let you know in a few weeks/months time!

While TTC and while pregnant I felt like I was the only one who had tried for sooo long but reading some stories in here already I feel less alone which is great. Not for those of you who had to go through it too, of course, but for me I mean. lol.

Anyhow. I know that our TTC journey has affected how I feel about Celeste already and probably will for years to come. I have struggled with some breastfeeding problems and have felt quite overwhelmed at times, as all new parents do, but not really felt like I could complain about it. It is really like "well, this is what you wanted isnt it? get on with it then".

Oh, gotta go. My little blossom is waking. I am looking forward to getting to know a few more of you!!!
Sazz